This Week in Washed-Up Child Stars

Sorry, no nekkid celebs this week. Instead, I bring you dish on some washed up child actresses: The Parent Trap's Lindsay Lohan and Full House's Olsen Twins and Jodie Sweetin are in the news this week, for some reason.

First off, we have Lindsay Lohan, who has not done anything recently as far as I can tell except working hard on getting restraining orders against her by the entire Ronson family and then managing to be halfway coherent on Project Runway to the astonishment of, well, everyone. But apparently she was hard at work on a third album of her obnoxious noise pollution, only it doesn't sound like it'll see the light of day. LiLo has been dropped by her label, Casablanca Records. 

You may ask, "wait, LiLo still had a record label?" Yeah, I was pretty surprised, too. 

Next, we have the Olsen Twins. Apparently, despite likely never having seen the inside of a JC Penney store, the two are further expanding their empire into the world of discount juniors wear with a new sportswear line called Olsenboye. I just don't even know what to say about that name, dudes. The line, which will include shoes and handbags, will be priced between $25-$50 and draw its inspiration from teen trends across the nation, with each collection highlighting a particular city.

Here is a sneak peak:

Looks like the outfit on the right was designed by Logan on Project Runway. Anyway, uh, good for them. I'm glad the Olsen twins will never ever EVER run out of money for gypsy skirts, handbags that are bigger than them, and cocaine.

Finally, speaking of cocaine, we have Jodie Sweetin. If you just said, "Wait, who?" she's the actress who played middle-sister Stephanie to Mary-Kate and Ashley's Michelle on the hit family schlockfest, Full House. Jodie Sweetin has joined a long and lucrative tradition among child stars, having penned and recently published a tell-all memoir about the dark side of young stardom. After Full House, Sweetin fell hard into a coke and meth addiction, and then purportedly got clean, but really she relapsed hard. According to the memoir, she was touring the country talking to college students about the dangers of drug and alcohol use, all while totes loaded. 

Apparently she's clean for reals now, but we've heard that story before, haven't we, Jodie? 

So what have we learned? If you are a child star, you will most likely become a weight-disordered, bug-eyed meth-head, unless by chance your roll of dice come up "Ron Howard," or you belong to the Cameron family. In that case you'll just end up addicted to the word of God, and either make a creepy reality series about intelligent design or drop off the face of the earth.

source, source, source

Comments

[Ed]

Willie Aames tops Kirk Cameron in the "child stars now addicted to God" category.

[Sofia]

What about NPH? He seems to be doing awesome :D

[iambellaluna]

Anybody else get a Wayne's World vibe from that Olsenboye JC Penny ad? No? It's just me? Ok then...

[just sayin]

There are worse things than being addicted to God. Meth, coke, bad music, just about everything the other child stars mentioned here are doing.

[indycitygirl]

I cant say anything bad about somebodys love of the lord but is it me or is Kirks zeal a little creepy holy roller type stuff??Yes,I did click on the link and watch his views...scared me

[Jill]

Kirk Cameron reminds me A LOT of my BIL. Also, those clothes are most def giving off the Wayne's World vibe.... and I'm not diggin it.