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Friday Combo Platter: Wait...Am I on Nitrous? Edition

Friday_combo_platter Usually, when I transcribe the email threads for the combo platter, I edit them slightly so that the replies are in order. But sometimes, Gmail plays tricks on me and sends me emails out of order, but then looking back they seem to be in order, and maybe I just dreamed that. And...hey...is that a unicorn?

Subject line: uhhhhhh

Sweetney: Just going through the Twitter followers for MamaPop and adding people back and:

Screen-capture-3 copy

Umm, I didn't add them. THEY FOUND US. UGH.

Adam P. Knave: Ask them to do a Very Special Interview with us. VERY special.

Jodifur: can we block them?  B/c I really want to.

motherbumper: That was going to be my suggestion too. *high five* Jodi.

Karen Sugarpants: Hahaha I wonder if they read my name their baby post. Dying laughing. Awesome.

Sweetney: Oh no, I'm following them back. Because I want them to read what we say about them AND START A WAR. Fuck going after Perez Hilton. Getting Spencer Pratt to splode and lose his shit? Taking candy from a baby. No, like, a LITERAL BABY.

Adam P. Knave: Don't insult babies. Babies are smart.

Palinode: Babies? Smart? Have you ever seen a baby trying to order a latte?  It is fucking embarrassing. I was at a Starbucks once and this kid couldn't even form syllables. Then he pooped his pants.  Also, they can't drive cars, they fail to appreciate the basics of firearm safety, and their barbecues are just disasters. And they vote Republican.

Adam P. Knave: I've seen adults like that in Starbucks in Midtown, I tell you what.  Down to the "And then he pooped himself" ... I love this town.

Out-Numbered: Wow. You guys send each other a shit load of emails. I have a lot of catching up to do. Like jumping onto a moving train. How does anybody have time to watch football or eat Tacos? 

Miss Banshee: Jason, you'll get your sea legs. I mean, there's ALWAYS time for tacos. Football? I defer to Sarah.

Out-Numbered: I just need to know how late these exchanges go on until. I'm usually into the Nyquil by now...

Sweetney: Dude, you ain't seen nuthin' yet. Wait until we REALLY get rolling. You might consider filtering to a separate folder. Then again, you'll likely miss out on the fun if you do that :)

Schmutzie: Those two freaks found and followed me a little while ago right around my Halloween post where I claimed that they made me lose my faith in humanity. Gulp.

Out-Numbered: OK. So I had no clue who Spencer Pratt was. Thank God. But I just googled this dude and he has no fucking chest hair. That's fucking bad news. You can't trust a dude with no chest hair (I have a shit load of chest hair). Maybe we shouldn't mess with him. He could be psychotic. Just putting my two cents in...

Miss Banshee: Don't mean to alarm you, Jason, but he also has flesh-colored pubey facial hair. That's the true sign of the Evil.

Out-Numbered: אלוהים יעזור לנו כל...

motherbumper: we are beyond God helping us Jason

Out-Numbered: Well, then it looks like we might need to call Bruce Willis.

Goon Squad Sarah: Just read these e-mails during the football commercials - you know, right after you check your fantasy scores.

Out-Numbered: Who from this crew is in NYC? Just wondering.

Goon Squad Sarah: Not it.

Adam P. Knave: I am.  What up, yo!

Sweetney: Adam and Miss Banshee are in the area. Amy, Sarah, Jodi & I are in the DC/Balt area and the second closest, i think.

Miss Banshee: I'm in Jersey, about an hour from the ci-tay.

Palinode: I live 2,012 miles from Manhattan.  That's about a five hour flight with layover and customs clearance factored in.

Out-Numbered: Good to know. Just in case I ever have car trouble or need bail money. I also have extra hockey tickets from time to time...

Miss Banshee: So, what you're saying is that you and Schmutzie can come over for dinner tonight? Plenty of time.

Adam P. Knave: Oh I dunno. Yer in our hearts, here in Manhattan.  I can go out into the street and yell "Aiden?" and people will shout "YAY!" ... or something.

Adam P. Knave: Hockey tickets?  Mah new best friend!

Karen Sugarpants: I live in 51st state of Canadia where they make real beer and play real hockey. Sometimes without helmets, eh.

Miss Banshee: No, MY new best friend!!!! *KICK*

Sweetney: Kids, kids, there's enough of Jason to go around. Or at least enough of his 'stache.

Palinode: Oh sure, they'll shout yay. They know me.

Karen Sugarpants: mmm pornstache, only 10 hours away by car.  Jace, you ought to have an Old Man Sweater & Pornstache party.  Those two things just go together.

Out-Numbered: Yes and I can invite Spencer. 

BHJ: I'm in Vegas. What's with the roll call? I'm lost.

Out-Numbered: I'm new and might have an extra Pitt / Rangers (MSG) ticket for tonight. Wanted to see if anyone was close by...

kdiddy: I'm in Pittsburgh.

Adam P. Knave: Aw man, tonight I got some deadlines I can't skip.  But sometime, man, you me and Banshee will have to do it up right.

Out-Numbered: Word.

Sweetney: And now I am sad for my many-hours-away-ness. Where's my fucking transporter?

Miss Banshee: I can see it now...the pornstache, the crime-fighting beard and the five-inch heels descend upon Manhattan....sniff...It'll be beautiful! *sob*

Sweetney: Just for the record: Kurt's New Moon post will bring you much joy today. That is all.

Palinode: I have never seen so many synecdoches in one email.  Outstanding.

Out-Numbered: Just for the record. Had to google synecdoches and I still don't know what the fuck it means...

Jason's SAT

Verbal: 520

Math: 400

SnarkyAmber: It's like if I were to call you "new guy" or "Porn 'Stache" instead of Jason the new guy or Jason the guy with the porn 'stache.

Karen Sugarpants: Me too Jason.  Fuck all of you fuckers are smart with your big words and your literary references.  Tell me Tracey, why oh why did you ask me to join MamaPop?  I AM NOT SMRT ENUFF.  My post at karensugarpants is proof of a lifelong aversion to teh big werds.

Palinode: My SAT:

Verbal: whut

Math: Pi

Out-Numbered: Nope. Not getting it.

Sweetney: My SAT:

Verbal: Who is Keyser Soze?

Math: No.

Palinode: Danielle's email does it perfectly: "I can see it now...the pornstache, the crime-fighting beard and the five-inch heels descend upon Manhattan".  The whole (Jason Mayo/Adam Knave) is represented by a part (pornstache/crime-fighting beard).  Or you can take the sentence "All eyes in the room were looking at her". It's the people who were looking, not just their eyes, but we understand that eyes refers to people. On account of all that synecdoche stinking up the place.

Miss Banshee: SAT:

Verbal: Le canard est dans mes pantelons. 

Math: Pretty pictures.

Out-Numbered: NOW I GET IT! (Not really but I have shit to do at work...)

Out-Numbered: Non, je suis juste heureux de vous voir.

Adam P. Knave: SAT:

Verbal: Abuse

Math: As if.

SnarkyAmber: AMG, Je vais faire pipi.

Out-Numbered: J'ai déjà uriné deux fois dans ma couche-culotte pour adultes.

SnarkyAmber: Oh great, we have a diaper fetishist.

Miss Banshee: Okay, Jason, so where are YOU? NYC? Jerz? God forbid, WESTCHESTER??? Spill so we can plan the crime wave.

Adam P. Knave: Given the diaper/duck fetish I'm thinking Yonkers.

Out-Numbered: Live on Long Island. Work in Flatiron District.

kdiddy: For some reason, all of these emails are out of order. That, combined with the monkey + Karl Rove thing has me very close to sucking my thumb and rocking in the corner. (Note: I'm referring to this image that was emailed to us:


Miss Banshee: MamaPop est ma marque d'héroïne. OH YEAH I LOOKED IT UP, NO ONE WILL GO SEE THE DAMN MOVIE WITH ME.

sweatpantsmom: Wow - my mailbox is full. And I just learned like, five new words!!!


The stable of MamaPop writers didn't send me any submissions for comment of the week, which is fine because all of the comments on my post about Mel Gibson's Viking drama starring Leonardo DiCaprio were so fantastic, that I think I'm going to try to find a way to post about the two of them every week, even if I have to make something up.

From Joie:

I have recurring dreams that Leo is my son in law. I also have recurring dreams about Vikings, rawr. I do not, however have recurring dreams about punching teeny tiny Mel in the face. But that dream? Would rock.

From norm: 

So ... he's gonna play Fran Tarkenton?

From Erin:

Pillage this, Leo baby.

Goon Squad Sarah: 

1) I just don't see DiCaprio as a viking. Remember in "The 13th Warrior"? THOSE were vikings. They were all 6' 8" and dirty. DiCaprio is 5' 8" at best and no viking. 2) I think I might love Norm.

From norm: 

If he casts Sam Jackson as Carl Eller I will never say anything bad about Gibson again. 2) Oh yeaaahhh!

From Christy: 

The movie may well suck, but I am physically unable to stay away from anything with Leonardo Dicaprio in it. I think it all goes back to seeing Basketball Diaries when I was a teenager.

It looks like we might have a sizable crew of smart-asses ready to go see this potential pile of poo. I smell a field trip!

Karl Rove monkey picture courtesy of clickcommunications.com. Thanks for that, guys.

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Oh, dear. That was good.


The LOLZ. There were many. And they were good.




"Adam P. Knave: Given the diaper/duck fetish I'm thinking Yonkers"

HEY! I live in Yonkers. Not so bad, just have to stay indoors on gang initiation nights.

Loved this post!

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