Grey's Anatomy Is STILL Not On, But I Got Some Of Dr. Shepherd's New Cologne And It's Liquid Sex

Patrick Dempsey has his own Avon fragrance called Unscripted and I never smelled it because I never got a free bottle. But Avon sent me his second fragrance, Patrick Dempsey 2, and it smells really good. Talk about a lazy name, though. I would've called it McEau de Toilette. I bet Patrick Dempsey was having a bad day and Avon was bugging him about a name and he just barked "PATRICK DEMPSEY 2!"

First things first, most of this review isn't true. It's more fun that way. But I know there's a bunch of "laws" and crap like that about bloggers being "truthful" and all so I promise - I swear on a stack of Bibles: Patrick Dempsey 2 smells really good. Also, I am required by law (oh, the law) to tell you that Avon did indeed GIVE me this delightful fragrance. (And it retails at $35. These are the perks. Hone your craft.)

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So I get a call from Dempsey and he says "BHJ. You are MamaPop's Grey's Anatomy expert. I want you to review my new scent." and I ask "Will your new scent help me get some tail?", to which he replies "Tail aplenty." and then we laugh our heads off the way guys do when we use degrading terms and there are no women around to take offense to our slurs. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ohhhhhh. Good old Patrick Dempsey.

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Patrick Dempsey 2 arrived in the mail. "Designed to embrace strength, commitment and intimacy between two people. [It] represents infinite possibilities. [It's] a sophisticated, sexy evolution of his first fragrance."

 

Herein lies the mystery of infinity. Liquid potential. Mind it well.

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I don't wear fragrances. I didn't know what to do. I sprayed some on my wrist and inhaled. My initial reaction was that it smelled like alcohol. Jenna would think I relapsed. What the hell, Patrick Dempsey? What's with the boozy perfume?

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But my initial reaction gave way to subtle hints of saffron, mandarin, nutmeg, spiced wood, green fig, and cistus - not to mention the scent of infinite possibility. The scent evoked the experience of using cocaine. I felt sexy and smart and able to fight anyone who looked at me funny.

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Patrick Dempsey and his hair masterfully portray Dr. Derek Shepherd on Grey's Anatomy. My wife is a nurse. It follows that this new fragrance was going to cast her into an abyss of lust. I sprayed some all over my sweatshirt and waited. Patrick Dempsey 2 "evokes the feeling of strength and intimacy you experience with the person you love." My sweatshirt reeked of me and Jenna's intimacy. She came downstairs and walked right into the clutches of my olfactory trap. "I want you, now!" she snapped, adrift in the scent of the infinite. "But Jenna," I said, "the children."

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If you like driving women crazy and having sex all the time, then Patrick Dempsey 2 is a product I think might interest you.

. . . . .
BHJ smells like Patrick Dempsey and he's drowning in action.

Comments

[delicateflowah]

Dammit. I don't want to utilize my local avon lady. She's a homophobic, racist skank.

[Snarky Amber]

This is the first cologne review I've ever read, but it's also the best.

[iambellaluna]

Love!

[Michael @badassdadblog]

Unless you count my antiperspirant (why isn't antiPERspirant pronounced antipersPIErant, with the emphasis on PIE?), I don't wear scents, either. I used to wear Obsession for Men (once I figured out that the bottle of "Obsession" I was given by my mother was actually not "for Men" at all). Then I realized everyone else I knew who wore Obsession for Men was gay. I love the gay dudes, but I don't want to LOVE the gay dudes, so I gave it up.

Anyway, if ever I might be inspired to reconsider wearing a fragrance besides my own eu de badass, this review might be what did it.