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Rumors Of Vision Quest Remake Are Giving Me Diarrhea.

Taylor_lautner_1203457045 Word on the street, is that Twilight hunk, Taylor Lautner, is up for the leading role in the remake of the 80's classic, coming of age movie, Vision Quest. The role was originally played by Matthew Modine. Lautner who is riding the wave of success from the popular Twilight saga movies, is rumored to be excited by the script and his possible involvement. The word from me, is that I think this whole idea sucks ass!

The truth of the matter is, I have never seen any of the Twilight movies, nor do I give a shit about Taylor Lautner and his hairless breastplate or his 8 pack abs. What I do care deeply about, is the movie Vision Quest and the preservation of its cinematic integrity. I also don't want to see this punk ass Lautner get hurt. He's just a baby for Christ's sake. 

In my opinion, there are a few things about Vision Quest that make it special and impossible to recreate.

1) Linda Fiorentino was quite possibly the hottest piece of Hollywood ass on the planet back then. She was good looking and naughty. Put those two things together and you get tons of 15 year old boys walking around with boners in their singlets. Not necessarily a positive effect but certainly powerful nonetheless.

2) The greatest soundtrack of all time was spawned from this movie. It was the first and last time that anyone has ever listened to John Waite, Madonna and DIO on the same day. If this were to happen under any other circumstances, people could possibly die. Seriously.

3) This movie features a cameo by an emerging Madonna before she turned into a raging lunatic. There is something very pure about a pre-asshole Madonna. Vision Quest captured this and then catapulted her into stardom. What will the new Vision Quest have to offer? Perhaps a cameo from the Disney, teeny bop, flavor of the month? Phooey!

Madonna Vision Quest

There are so many things about the original movie that make it so sacred to me. For one, I was a wrestler in High School and this movie came out during my sophomore year. The wrestling scenes were awkwardly homo erotic, yet 100% authentic. Dammit. Did I just say that out loud?

Furthermore, I would think that this Taylor Lautner punk could very well die while filming the movie. The antagonist in the original, Brian Shute, is a friggin' monster. He carries logs on his back for no apparent reason and beats the snot out of people on the mats. Unless Lautner is able to turn into a God damn werewolf, I wouldn't think he'd have a chance in hell, let alone make it out alive.

Wait a second. Wrestling werewolves? Now we might be onto something. Jeez, if Michael J. Fox can channel a basketball playing shapeshifter, then Lautner should be able to turn Wolf Quest into box office gold. 




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Jason never thought he'd have daughters and now he will always be Out-Numbered.

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I'd like to see a shot-for-shot remake of the original Vision Quest, with the same actors, twenty-five years older. It would be a bit like the Taxi scenes from Man On The Moon.


That's right, I start crying. Because another human being, a species that I happen to belong to, could kick a ball, and lift himself, and the rest of us sad-assed human beings, up to a better place to be, if only for a minute... let me tell ya, kid - it was pretty goddamned glorious. It ain't the six minutes... it's what happens in that six minutes.


Have you seen the trailers for Clash of the Titans?? WRONG! So very, very wrong.


God, I love that movie. Haven't seen it in forever. It was the first R movie I ever saw -- I was in kindergarten...

Red Haired Friend

Vision Quest is by far one of the best and most underated sports movies of all time. And the Madonna song Crazy For You is still one of my favorites. Its a shame the guy that played Louden's friend (Jake from Sixteen Candles) went into obscurity afterwards...

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