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Sweatpantsmom's Favorite Things of 2009: I'm Going To Party Like It's 1999

Party Recently I heard somebody say, "Celebrate all your favorite things in life." What kind of idiot says a corny thing like that? Normally I'd say someone who'd had too many whiskey sours and just slept with his best friend's wife, but since this is the holidays I started to get sentimental and thought I might do just that - have little soirees centered around some of my favorite things of 2009. Mostly it's because I love throwing parties and it's a good way to get rid of extra food.

Sedaris-new-yorker1) David Sedaris in The New Yorker. David Sedaris didn't release a book this year, so I had to get my fix from his essays in The New Yorker. All four of them. Somehow I don't think Sedaris is the wild partying type, so for this celebration I'm going to just invite some of my low-key friends over and tell them all to wear khakis. David and his boyfriend live in France, so I'm going to serve some Brie and some French Fries with a side of cigarettes. I'm going to read a few of my favorite Sedaris passages and then I'm going to sell back copies of The New Yorker that I've marked up 200%. There's no rule that parties can't be profitable, and Brie doesn't come cheap.

2) Mary J. Blige at Barack Obama's Inauguration. Mary J. and I share the same birthday, so this party will be a birthday celebration for the two of us. I'm going to make a cake that looks like the Lincoln Memorial and everyone can take turns singing in front of it, even my friends who have terrible voices. Everybody has to come to this party dressed like Mary J. in this video or they can't come in. If you don't have knee-high platinum boots with six-inch heels I have a few extra pairs that I can lend out, but you're on your own with the cream-colored gloves - those are the craziest things I've ever seen.



Trueblood_poster 3) True Blood. This was my favorite show of 2009, and I've been planning this party in my head for days now. Every guest has to come as a True Blood character - I'm going to be Sookie and I've been practicing saying "Bill" as a two-syllable name -"Bay-uhl." But the best part is the food - I found a recipe for that pie that has human heart in it, the one that Tara and her boyfriend eat and then go apeshit. I can't wait to see the look on my guests' faces when they find out they're eating a real human organ! I'm hoping kdiddy will show up and do one of her True Blood recaps.

The-hangover 4)The Hangover. I'm not saying this is a great movie but I like it and it lends itself to a great party and that's all that matters. For this one I'm going to invite a bunch of drunk men over and just see what happens. I'll invite a few girlfriends, too, and have them dress as hookers which will come naturally for some of them (you know who you are, Janet.) Obviously, the food isn't important at a party like this - a few tubs of cold beer and a platter of chicken wings and I'll be set. If Bradley Cooper shows up that would definitely be a bonus and would take the party to a whole new level if you know what I mean.

5) Lady Gaga's Bad Romance. I'm not going to require anyone to dress like Lady Gaga because there are just some people that I don't think should be allowed to wear a mesh bodysuit (again, I'm talking to you Janet.)  Also, that would be too obvious, and I'd like my parties to have a little bit more originality and flair than that. That would be like having a luau for a Forgetting Sarah Marshall party - so lame. Instead I'm going to play the video and the song on an endless loop throughout the evening and the first one to start singing the "Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah" lyrics has to hand over all their jewelry to the others and then the party's over. Someone will go home mad but I say that's the price to pay for a great evening.

. . . . .
sweatpantsmom is going to invite you to her next party.







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Comments

Suzy Q

I want to be invited to ALL of your parties! For the Gaga one, I'll fashion something out of hula hoops, tin foil and Barbie dolls.

Out-Numbered

Dude. I LOVE Human Heart! So awesome!




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