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Team Jacob Takes Over Saturday Night Live

Saturday_night_live  It seems like even the cast of SNL doesn't give a shit anymore. Which is a shame, cause Taylor Lautner was on POINT this week. Click on through for a recap.

Intro. Get used to Tiger Woods jokes, folks, cause they are a PLENTY. This one is a press conference with John Edwards, Mark Sanford, and John Ensign rejoicing that Tiger's the punching bag for infidelity when all of them are righteous bastards who did the same thing. Excellent point, SNL. Good start.

Monologue: Taylor is adorable. Completely gets the joke. Rags on Twilight, rags on the Kanye incident with his girlfriend Taylor Swift, does stellar kung fu, knocking off "Kanye's" head. Only weirdness is that Keenan Thompson is in drag as Reba McIntyre in the audience? And is flirting with Taylor L? Unneeded bit in the middle of a charming opening. Have I mentioned that Taylor Lautner is frakking adorable? Because he is.

First sketch: Okay, you know when football players are announced on tv and there's that tiny video of them looking at the camera all hardcore and tough? Picture that being filmed. Of course, Taylor is a freakshow and can't do it. Over and over and over. He sells it, but the sketch goes on about a minute too long. 

"Aunt Sue" Kristen Wiig insane character who can't control her emotions reacting to a baby announcement. Do they just MAKE her do these characters at this point? Cause this is not funny. This is reaching too far. It's gone from "funny character" to "ANOTHER Kristen Wiig character, ugh."

ANOTHER Tiger Woods skit. Announcer for the PGA Tour, talking about how no one cared about golf till Tiger Woods, now he's on sabbatical, no one cares again. Announcer starts drinking from a flask.

Show choir sketch. OK. Here's where I started to get pissed off. This sketch had SO much potential. I mean, "Glee" is a juggernaut, there's no reason not to mock it. But no, they rely on "the singers are bad and one of them is foreign." It's the "Jingle jingle jam" from"The Sparkle Players Show Choir" They're horrible, rapping, audience is heckling,  Andy Samburg keeps screeching "YOU'RE GAY!!" It's SUCH lazy writing.  Bless Taylor, he's selling it more than anyone else. Again, it's going on too long, by about a minute and a half. Editors! Wake up!!!! 

ANOTHER PGA Tour sketch. Jason Sudeikis is drunker and drunker and freaking out. Please watch golf. Please. Topical joke about "The Blind Side" movie and a  "Jersey Shore" joke. Both are weak. Are we going to have to endure this repetitious sketch all night? Cause Sudeikis is already totally over it. 

Bon Jovi performs. I am a born and bred Jersey girl, so if you're looking for snark against Bon Jovi, you've come to the wrong recap. Love it.

Weekend Update: Oh man, Ok, let's try to sum this up. Tiger Woods. Health care bill .Prostitutes at Global Warming Summit, Bruce Springsteen isn't the president, but he's  "the boss" and therefore pulled troops out of Afghanistan. Tiger Woods again. One of his mistresses is a dumb whore, "fer sure", Lady Gaga/Queen Elizabeth meeting each other and both saying "this is weird", Eliot Spitzer can't "comptroll" himself, ha ha. TERRIBLY OFFENSIVE sex offender joke, Lucky Charms cause diabetes, Mothers texting while pushing their strollers into traffic. Haha. NOT. Now here comes Fred Armiston as  "Billy Smith", Native American comedian, totally offensive, SUPER long and NOT FUNNY. Come on, are we just going to Armiston for any non-caucasian character now? It's SO not funny. Joke about an Amish drunk driver, someone threw a tomato at Palin, she shot him, haha, your cats are at home trying on your clothes and checking your  email, some dude smuggled geckos in his pants, obvious Geico joke, Randy Moss caught Gisele's baby, which through deep research I have found to be a football joke, and that's why I passed out from boredom. 

Twilight fans in  high school sketch- Taylor makes a passable girl  who is an Edward fan, against a Jacob fan who are asked to debate the rivalry. Totally funny. Taylor SO gets the joke. The two girls make up over a common belief that Bella is whiny and lame. Word.

ANOTHER PGA Tour bit - Jason is  very drunk, very not funny

Teen awkward flirting sketch. Keenan Thompson is the  "True Connections" Pimp announcer, Taylor is flirting with a girl. Things get worse and worse. Keenan's on a traveling sidewalk, pratfall joke. Taylor describes himself as Samwise because he's unnaturally hairy! No! Aw, she likes him anyway, Keenan tells us: "All things are possible!"

Thank Jeebus, some commercials. Did you know Ricky Gervais is hosting the Golden Globes? That's going to rule. 

Bon Jovi again. If you're waiting for snark, you'll have to speak to a non-Jersey native.

"Doorbells and More" a "commercial" with a - trashy Staten Island? Long Island? Jersey accent? The Bronx, maybe? It's a hybrid accent that I can't place. Cute sketch, REALLY nice to see the featured players get screen time. I just wish I could place the accent. It's driving me nuts.

Taylor was preposterously likeable. He went with the flow, never seemed awkward or phoning it in (unlike some of the cast) and genuinely seemed to be having a great time. James Franco next week, with Muse. We'll see what happens. Franco has been INSANE on "General Hospital" so I'm expecting either "insane" or "stoned." We'll see! 

. . . . .
Miss Banshee is far too old to find Taylor Lautner attractive.

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Adam P. Knave

Thank you for watching this! I always ponder watching SNL these days and after reading this I'm glad I often don't bother. You took one for the team here, and it is appreciated! Great recap.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah

I haven't watched it yet (it is on my DVR) but it seems like all of the SNL sketches go on for at least a minute longer than they are funny.

Also, Keenan Thompson as Reba was only funny for about one second, once. I see no need to revisit that character.


I have watched SNL since I was 11, and am one of the faithful few who have endured...but since i don't expect it to be funny right now, i am generally amused...(LOW STANDARDS, YAY!)

But as a vigilant non-Twilighter, I was HIGHLY impressed with Lautner...I am so in on the cougar-drooling now.


Taylor was totally adorable, but yes, the whole episode was painful and half-assed. I DVR'ed it and I have come to the conclusion that SNL is a 17 minute show with an hour and 15 minutes of commercials. Geez, NBC.


The Reba thing goes back to a hilarious musical bit between Keenan and Andy Samburg in episode 7 from this season (the episode hosted by the super-awesome Joseph Gordon-Levitt). You should find it on Hulu, because it's HILARIOUS.


TL is growing on me.


I think my favourite might've actually been Lautner as a member of Team Edward. And the line, "If those abs are real, the guy who played Jacob deserves an Oscar". Oh, and in the monologue mentioning that Matthew McConaghey was telling him to put his shirt back on. Heh.

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