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Top Ten Pop Culture Stories I Wish Had Happened in 2009

6a00d8341c5d9653ef0120a6bb3543970b-100wi[1]The more you hang around watching what passes for popular culture ebb and flow the more you simply want certain things to happen. Sure it may be seen as controlling, or needy, but I like to define it as a goal-oriented mindset. I have to find things to write about in this sea of crazy so I have an ever evolving list of things I want to happen. They didn't happen. Here are the ten I wanted to happen the most, in no particular order:

80s Sitcom Revivals as Reality Shows

I really think this idea could be a hit, and I just wait for someone to stumble on it and make it happen. I mean think of it! The cast of Growing Pains, hard core right wing Christian Kirk Cameron included, forced to live in a house like the one of the show. The cast of Taxi, or Full House! I have the best TV show idea of the year just sitting here. I would pay good money to watch Beverly Hills 9021-Oh We're Not Kidding, personally.

Michael Jackson Thriller Zombie Hoax

He died. It was one of the biggest pop cultural moments of the year. But what if someone had started getting folks dressed like Zombie Jackson from the Thriller video and got them to show up randomly on dark roads and such for a few weeks. This could have made Elvis rumors look like nothing. No one picked up the ball.

Golden Girls: The Next Generation

Set 100 years in the future, a group of old women come together to find friendship, laughter and love - IN SPACE, bitches! Wearing velour jumpsuits, playing bingo against evil robot armies and more. Do I have to do all your innovation for you?

Danny Bonaduce Gets Role As New Doctor Who

Look, I love Doctor Who. I have since I was a kid and the new series has been great. But when they needed to name a new Doctor they went for Matt Smith, and he could be great, but Danny Bonaduce as an immortal Time Lord? Casting genius! Daleks? Punch them in the face. Cybermen? Punch them in the face. The Master? Punch him in the dick. The Doctor's companion? Punch him or her in the face.

So You Think You Can Disarm A Bomb

We've been too easy with these reality shows of late. I want things like the above. Dangerous things. "Bob is pretty sure he can… oh my God. Call his mother and get a bucket." Let's get serious! Toss in Survivor: Folsom Prison Gen Pop and we have a series of hits, folks. But no, everyone demands they be safe. I was hoping that this year we'd see some action.

Spencer Pratt in Transgender Shocker

Oh come on, you want to read the resulting news article, too. He'd suddenly realize he's a woman in side, get an operation and announce that Queen Spencer is here. I just keep picturing the two page spread in the tabloids and laughing.

Hasslehoff announces Comeback Tour

Again with the resulting news items, coverage and leaks of his newest CD. He's big in Germany, and it's time he thought he would be big here again, too. We can rent more dogs for a new photo spread, even! Make my dreams happen, Hoff!

A-Team Movie Shocker!

Seems subtle at first, right? Look, ever since they announced the new film I have waited, and waited, for a news item about how Mr. T went on set and beat the crap out of the guy playing B.A. in the film. Just beat him down. With gold chains. This news item has yet to appear. Get on it, world.

Cop Rock 2: The Squeakquel

What? No love for a new Cop Rock series? Come on. For me? Please?

Shakira Explains

Shakira writes an essay about the subtle meanings and nuances of She-Wolf. There was a video roundtable about it but I wanted Shakira herself to come out and throw down about this song. I wanted her to address it and make some kind of sense. Some kind. Any?

So going into 2010, what pop culture events do you hope happen? We can make a list and check it next year.

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I would so watch Golden Girls in space and I'm pretty sure Fox is releasing So You Think You Can Disarm a Bomb for February '10 sweeps.
Awesome list.

Adam P. Knave

Thanks! So for Golden Girls in Space, do you think they should own a hotel, or a barber shop?


This entire article wins. At the Internet. I never have to go online ever again, I have now read everything I will ever need to read.

Adam P. Knave

I will not let that stand! You must come back and read Mamapop every day! It's a moral imperative.


Duh! Hasslehoff never left. Don't call it a comeback...

Karen Sugarpants

I still want Christopher Walken to guest star on Glee. And not as the gym teacher's love interest either - that's too predictable.

She Likes Purple

Oh, the Spencer Pratt one would bring me such joy.

Adam P. Knave

Walken would be amazing on Glee. AMAZING!


Oh, I looove your idea for Survivor. That might even get me to finally watch the show.

Adam P. Knave


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