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American Idol Recap - Strong Feelings Of Distaste For Avril Lavigne.

After-american-idol-its-time-for-vietnam-idol_14 Welcome to American Idol recap. This week, the American Idol auditions took us to Los Angeles and Dallas. They also brought a motley crew of guest judges, two contestants that wore Han Solo vests and a plethora of reasons to hate Avril Lavigne. Without any further ado... THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL! recap. 

Avril_lavigne_300x400 First stop Los Angeles. Overall, there was a decent amount of talent that came out to audition. But the two things that stood out the most for me in LA was the creepy and the douchey. Let's start with the latter. I'm not sure I had much of an opinion on Avril Lavigne before her appearance on Idol. This much makes me happy. Now I can honestly say, I have strong feelings of distaste for her and it's a shame. She's young and I feel like she still has a lot of growing up to do. But you don't come on American Idol as a 26 year old, bubble gum, pop star and start judging a Worship Pastor's resolve on the "hypothetical" road, for his family and his church. Uh uh. *Shaking head and index finger* No you di-ent! Yes she did. BEE-ATCH! Basically this dude, named Jim Ranger, who happened to be a pastor with a family, gave a crushing audition. But both Kara and Ms. Lavigne felt the need to question his commitment to his church and family. What the fuck does that have to do with his audition? Avril Lavigne = IDOL FAIL. I'm sorry but she was a distraction at best for me the rest of the evening. Oh and she was also wearing a douchey, hoodie, with devil horns on the top. How cute.

Moving right along.

Standing out in the usual sea of freaks was one of the most disturbing contestants to date. His name was Neil Goldstein. I can't quite explain why he made me feel so frightened but I'm pretty sure it had something to do with his big, sweaty noggin and his serial killer demeanor. With any luck, maybe Ms Lavigne will be his next victim. In addition to Jim the Pastor, he also happened to be another Han Solo vest wearer. Seeing is believing...

Other freaks worth noting were, Damien, the martial arts dude who liked peperoni and A.J. Mendoza, the Adam Lambert stalker.

One standout according to Ms Lavigne, was Mary Powers. She was the chick that belted out some Pat Benatar. She was good enough I suppose but she was one bandanna away from accidentally hanging herself. And did anyone besides me, notice her crazy androgynous relative skipping behind her as she walked off into the sunset? No? OK then...

Katy-perry-american-idol Day 2 in Los Angeles, gave us guest judge, Katy Perry. She wasn't exactly stellar but next to Ms Lavigne, she was like the fucking Queen of England. Looking like a cross between a stepford wife and a prostitute, she delivered some brutally honest criticism as well as some jabs at Kara. Nicely done rookie. My only problem with Ms Perry, was that she seemed to try a bit too hard at times; trying to play the role of the meanie for no good reason. Perhaps she's trying to make a go at Simon's job? You never know... Her most awkward moment came when she was trapped in front of the freak du Jour, Austin Fullmer. This "Cheap Jagger", as Randy called him, claimed that no one on Idol has ever "sexually been like me".No one had any idea what he was talking about but he was probably right and Katy Perry's reactions showed it.

One of the more touching stories in Dallas was Andrew Garcia. Both this guy's parents were in gangs and turned their shit around to raise this kid. His audition was the fucking Shiz and unless he gets stuck with some punk ass losers in Hollywood group week, he should go pretty far. He's also primed for a decent makeover. Looking forward...

Contestant Jason Greene sang an incredibly gay version of "I touch myself" and tried to give Ryan his number after the audition. Poor Ryan is always on the Sexuality Hot Seat. 

I'm not sure why but the producers tried to create a bit of tension between Katy and Kara with a poorly executed and obviously fabricated montage of disagreements. I'm pretty sure they did this because they are boring and had no chemistry.

Contestant Chris Golightly, who happens to have the best American Idol porn name ever, wins my pick for the Trans-gender, Shirley Temple, look alike award. He was the foster care dude who Simon thought could maybe be in a boy band. What's so bad about that? He made it through regardless of the tough love.

Now onto the Dallas auditions.

Joe-jonas-20080917-455920 Joe Jonas and Neil Patrick Harris were the guest judges in Dallas. I have to say, Neil Patrick Harris is one funny motherfucker. Idol gets props for putting him on the show and the irony is, that he has no credibility in the music business but he had twice the instincts that either Katy Perry or Avril Lavigne had. By the way, every time I have to type Avril Lavigne, I need to check the God damn spelling of her last name. She will haunt my dreams tonight for sure.

Joe Jonas on the other hand, was a bit of a mute on the show. He must of said a whole lot of stupid shit because they edited his speaking parts down to, one "awesome", four "yeahs" and a "wow". No joke. He is a very cute boy though and you could tell that Kara was a little horny.

For me, the highlight of the night, was when the first train wreck contestant walked in for Doogie Howser, dressed in what was basically a prom dress. Doogie stared at her with a straight face and said with precision delivery, "Welcome Sparkle". That made me spit out my Ice Cream Cookie treat. God bless him.

A couple of standouts for me in Dallas were, Lloyd "Big Succesexy" Thomas and Todrick Hall. Lloyd was the big, dock worker dude that did his best Ruben Studdard Impersonation and Todrick was the guy who sang the personalized American Idol jingle that won the hearts of the panel. They were both a lot of fun and have big audience appeal. 

Sub-square-barneyThe Half Chubs Award, goes to contestant Erica Rhodes who wore black leather and carried a whip. She also admitted to being one of the kids on Barney. Neil Patrick Harris was quick to add that, "Barney kids grow up to be dirty little girls." That made for a creepy but memorable moment.

Last but not least, there were the two sentimental stories of the night. Dave Pittman, the Tourette's Syndrome guy and Christian Spears, the 16 year old, Leukemia survivor, both had solid auditions and supplied that weepy moment. I'm pretty sure Pittman is the first contestant on Idol to have Tourette's Syndrome. If he can make it past Hollywood, he might have some legs. Either way, he's a brave dude for putting it out there.

That's all she wrote for this week.

Out-Numbered OUT!

. . . . .
Jason never thought he'd have daughters and now he will always be Out-Numbered.

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Snarky Amber

I dunno J, NPH is a triple threat with Broadway credits out the butt, and I think that qualifies him enough to judge people's star quality w/r/t singing/dancing/performance ability. Also, he is our gay boyfriend. RESPECT.


unlike you, i have ALWAYS had strong feelings of distaste for Ms. Lavigne. she is an awful AWFUL girl. and no, i'm not just bitter because she stole my boyfriend. even though she did. bitch.


Love, love, love Neil Patrick Harris! He was great. Avril Lavigne acted like a brat - she annoyed the hell out of me. It's a singing competition, not a "how much do I think you can handle the road" competition. Katy Perry didn't make much of an impression except for her cleavage. That was pretty impressive.


I also about lost my shit when they were questioning the pastor's commitment to his church. Are you kidding me? Someone should have told them their faceholes were making noise again.

Mrs. D

I'm pretty sure NPH is qualified, since he's some serious Broadway musicals under his belt. Then again, even if this were a log sawing competition or something I would still probably think NPH was qualified to judge because I luuurrrve him.

Avril Lavigne didn't really come across as super awesome. Neither, IMHO, did Joe Jonas, whose sole contribution seemed to be saying "Yeah" every time Simon called for a "yes" or "no" vote.

Scout's Honor

Couldn't agree more with you.

Hated Avrillllll the shrill with stoopid hoodie...

Katie was bah!

NPH was the bomb!! I agree with snarky Amber that a Tony does give you some cred.

Can't wait for Ellen.

Suzy Q

It's "Tourette's Syndrome." I think turrets syndrome is the thing where you like to hang out in medieval towers pretending you're Rapunzel.

On the other hand, Avril Lavigne sucks.


@SuzyQ Good call. I'm an idiot.


On what planet does NPH have no credibility in the music business?


You guys have a point. I didn't mean people don't respect NPH, what I was trying to say is that he's not a pop star or a recording artist or a music producer. He does have mad skillz though and had credibility. I was actually trying to give him props.


I thought Avril Whatever was awful. Does she know how to spell discrimination? I can't stand Kara. When she jumped on Avril's "can you handle the road, your family and your church" bandwagon I wanted to punch her mouth. How many people has she sent to Hollywood, some in part due to their sad family situation at home, and she decides this dude can't balance life because a punk wannabe with a lame ass hoodie brought it up? I never see her think for herself. She even called it out the next night when a lame loser auditioned and Simon asked for Kara's comments first. All she could do was turn to Randy for rescue. Can't she start her "No, Honey, this isn't for you" speech without someone else saying "No" first? She is a douchebag.

I loved NPH. Please, Idol, ask him to come back. He was fabulous!!!


"Welcome, Sparkle". That's going to have to go into rotation...

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