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But... What Does George Clooney Think About The Jay Leno And Conan O'Brien Mess?

George_clooney1 As I was searching for inspirado on my first post for MamaPop, I found myself unable to think of anything other than Dennis Franz's naked man-butt.  You see, I was originally going to relive one of the most disturbing moments in TV history, but as that's not exactly top-of- mind (to anyone other than I and perhaps David Caruso,)  I flipped on Access Hollywood just in time to see Dr. George Clooney's invaluable perspective on the Jay Leno/Conan O'Brien debacle...

I don't know about you, but I never form an official opinion on any subject until George Clooney gives his two cents, and as always, he didn't disappoint.  All I can say is, thank God for programs like Access Hollywood that are committed to bringing me the news that matters.

George was attending the 2010 National Review Board Awards Gala, where an Access Hollywood correspondent stood poised and ready to get the info the world needed to hear.  And at the moment for which we had all been anticipating, when George Clooney was finally asked his opinion on the Jay/Conan matter, his response was something along the lines of, wuh? I'm sorry.  That sounded like he hadn't heard the news. 

George_clooney2 But... George?  You know everything.  That's why we're asking you to weigh in on a subject that has nothing to do with you whatsoever. Dammit, man.  People want to know what you think about things.  It's because you're soooo good looking.  Also, you always play someone really smart.  And since Martin Sheen, former TV President, isn't anywhere to be seen, we're going to need you to teach us some stuff.  So please, pay attention to what's going on.  After all, you were a TV doctor once.  Act like it.

In an attempt to conceal his own embarrassment for not being abreast of the topic of the day, George quickly explained it away by saying, "I get all my news from you guys."  Oh.  Ok.  All the more reason we should ask you about current affairs.

I can only assume he meant he gets all his news from moronic paparazzi yelling out current events over one another at awards shows, because had he been getting his news from Access Hollywood (or anywhere), he would have most definitely heard about it.  Ha-Ha, Access Hollywood.  George doesn't watch your show and lies to you about it.  You should think about that while your climbing into his anus.  And my guess is, Jay and Conan, he's not watching your shows, either.  That makes me feel a little better about not watching them myself.  I mean, now that I know that George doesn't. 

Let's set all that aside, shall we? Because now George knows the skinny.  He's been fully briefed on the entire matter via shouts over a crowd of people yelling his name.  And now that he knows the intricacies of the issue, he will surely rock us with profound logic that will help all of us finally put this mess into some kind of perspective. Something that will allow us to go to bed tonight without staring at the ceiling in angst-ridden anticipation.  I can't wait.  Here it comes.  Everyone hold on to something.  "I hate to see anybody leave right now," Clooney began, "I hate all these shake-ups. I hope they figure it out."

Whoa.  Personally, I hadn't yet formed any opinion on the subject other than I think Michael Ian Black is far funnier than both of them.  I don't watch late night talk shows.  If I'm up at that hour, I'm usually watching re-runs of Americas Funniest Videos or shaving my elbows.  So I was pretty indifferent about the whole thing, but now that I know how George feels about this situation, I hate it.  Furthermore, I also hope they figure it out.  In fact, I hadn't even considered that they might not figure it out.  Shit.  Thanks, George.

Georgeclooney3 In all fairness to the former Facts of Life star, it's not George Clooney's fault that every time he appears in public he'll likely be asked a dumb question, or even if it's not a dumb question, one on which he has no useful opinion.  So why waste my time with the biggest non-news ever? (Kind of like I'm doing to you right now).  Why waste his?  Granted, I'm watching Access Hollywood, so foul on me for wasting my own time.  But are we really so celebrity-starved that we need to know these people's opinions on absolutely everything?  Even if their opinions are total non-opinions?  Where is the news?  This Just in: George Clooney knows nothing. Hates when people leave places.  Good work, Access Hollywood.  I can see why George gets all his news from you.

They act, people, and their opinions are no more important and often well less informed than your own.  My 8 year old niece can offer a much more entertaining and relevant opinion on this matter (and has).  So maybe if we stop putting so much weight on what uber-celebrities think about anything and everything that's going on in the world, then maybe they'll stop being asked what they think. I like to call it, "Utopia: A world where Barbra Streisand has no tongue." Yeah.

It seems to me if you're that interested in a celebrity (like I am in Rick Astley), you're more concerned to find out what they're up to, what projects they're working on, who they're dating, if they're gay (not that there's anything wrong with that), if they're on drugs, if they're off drugs, if they're going to come out with more awesome music that speaks to my soul, what their hair smells like in my palms, and most importantly, why some feel compelled to show us their gnarly vaginas when exiting a vehicle (Rick would never).  The point is, ask them about them and you'll likely get something not only their fans would like to hear, but something the celebrities themselves would like to talk about.  Because as we all know, in most cases, they are their own favorite subject. They'll also always know the answer to your question and not make you both look like total asses (though I actually really like that part, so forget everything I just said.  Keep on keepin on, doofuses.  Or is it Doofi?  Huh).

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Comments

Adam P. Knave

Oh man, welcome! You had me laughing but then:

"In all fairness to the former Facts of Life star,"

And I went over the edge and snarfed. Woo!

AmyC65

Oh, don't be coming 'round here making fun of my George. No, no, no, no. Making fun of Access Hollywood? Oh, hellz yeah. Go right ahead.

Karen Sugarpants

I wanna know what George Clooney's hair smells like in my hands too, though I didn't expect I'd have to compete with you for that. :S
Hilarious first post!

jodifur

ha! love the 80's picture of Clooney!

ClearlyDemented

He was much more in touch with us common folk back when he ran that factory that Roseanne worked at. So sad what fame does to people.

Amalah

Okay. This was very, very funny. I think George would think so too. Somebody better forward it to him just to make sure, though. Then we can stamp "ClooneyApproved" on it, like an EnergyStar appliance.

Good work, sir!

Jen O.

Good job on your first post! I don't think you embarrassed yourself at all! Or at least not enough that you won't be invited back.

And on the matter at hand: Who is this George Clooney you speak of and why does he have so much hair, both on his head and above his eyes?

Midwest_Jen

I realize it's out of the milieu of this site not to snark, but I do feel obligated to point out that he's a movie star and we're talking about talk show hosts. Now granted, if he pisses one late night talk show host off, they'll still have him on, because he's Clooney for heaven's sake - but it just doesn't seem like good form.

Plausible deniability!! If nothing else his publicist is still happy this morning. =)

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah

Would it be weird if I used the picture of Clooney jumping in the lake in all of my post from this day forth? Because, seriously, that shit is awesome.

Also, hilarious post overall. You rule.

@thecaffeinatrix

I hate George Clooney and frankly, his opinions on the truly important news of the day (i.e. Conan vs. Leno) are of no interest to me.

I'd like to hear more from Dr. Phil. And Ryan Seacrest. And especially Charro. She rocks my socks with that coochie coochie thing she does. RAAAWR.

Out-Numbered

Please brush my hair. Congrats on popping your cherry.

Sweetney

"Utopia: A world where Barbra Streisand has no tongue."

I love you.

Apryl's Antics

Great post, Bro! I did this from my new phone!

JAR

We've been trying to get my mom on Facebook for months now. She has resisted due to "privacy reasons" regarding that crazy internet. When she saw a quote from George regarding Facebook, he'd “rather have a rectal examination on live TV by a fellow with cold hands than have a Facebook page,” she now says that she and her good buddy, George, will be the last non-Facebookers in America.

Great post!

MayoPie

Thanks for all your comments, guys! This is the best job ever.




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