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Big Love Recap: Strange Bedfellows

MargeneThe reason why I know Bill and Nicki are perfect for each other is that for every bad idea that Bill has, Nicki has five. Like, toting a concealed handgun around DC, where people are totally cool with that because there aren't, like, assassination attempts or anything. Yep, those two kids are going to be together forever...unless they accidentally kill each other first.

Bill is strolling through Washington, D.C. talking to his lawyer about the meeting he's hoping to have with Utah's Congressman Paley seeking an endorsement for his state senate campaign. Bill is extremely optimistic because Joseph Smith ran for president. His lawyer notes that Smith was killed by an angry mob a year later. Debbie Downer!

Nicki arrives in DC with Cara Lynn and as they rush toward their hotel, Nicki's eyes dart nervously around and she warns Cara Lynn, "These people may look normal but they're not." As they pass by some girls wearing short skirts, Nicki hisses, "Whores!" Way to keep a low profile. Cara Lynn may still be in her compound garb, Nicki's acting like a total shut-in. Bill's face falls when he sees Cara Lynn when she and Nicki meet him at the hotel shuttle stop. Could be worse, dude. She could have brought RHONDA! *screams*

Margene is in the middle of a photo shoot for her jewelry line when her boss comes over and tells her the good news: she's going to be feature live during prime time! AND the higher-ups are considering this an audition for her to host the Fall Color Special. Margene is ecstatic and her boss has to fight off Margene's hugs. She notes that they'll be shooting live, so Margene should invite friends and family.

Barbara is getting ready to leave for work with Sarah shows up, looking to spend some time with her while Scott is in Idaho. Before heading to the casino with Sarah, Barb stops at Margene's house. Margene is in the middle of packing some jewelry boxes. She tells Barb about her prime time spot. Barb is thrilled but unfortunately can't attend because she's leading a sensitivity seminar at the casino, plus Teeny is coming home. Margene protests that there will be, like, a million people watching (more like 60,000 according to her boss). Jodean, Kathy's twin sister, walks in, hauling several big boxes of jewelry. Why is she there? Also, I'm still not totally convinced that it was Kathy who died in that car wreck. I think she and Jodean were doing some switcheroos.

At the hotel, Bill is whining to Nicki about Cara Lynn because this was supposed to be a private weekend where they could try to reconnect. Nicki protests that she's in danger of losing Cara Lynn to JJ's and his poisonous influence and the she needs to assimilate. "If she can assimilate in normal clothes, I could breathe easier," snaps Bill. Plus, he feels like this is just a way for Nicki to dodge doing the hard work of fixing their marriage. Bill gets a phone call that his meeting with Congressman Paley has been cancelled. As he argues with the person on the phone, Nicki answers the door where a hotel staff member tells her that another room (for Cara Lynn) will be available later in the day. Nicki puts a few coins in the guy's hand and closes the door as he stares at his tip in disbelief. Cara Lynn gives Nicki a perturbed look as she realizes that she wasn't supposed to accompany Nicki.

Dale is meeting with Alby and his lawyer about the UEB funds. The meeting is getting heated and Alby asks his lawyer to leave. Dale is uncomfortable with this but Alby insists. With the door closed Alby recounts their kiss outside of the Alignment center (I forgot to acknowledge the brilliance of that name last time, but seriously it's so fantastic) and how after Dale ran off, he looked back at Alby. Dale's resistance eventually crumbles and he and Alby passionately attack each other. Sports jackets go flying.

JJ and his wife are visiting Wanda and telling her about DNA evidence and how the county is going to exhume Roman and check for some of that thar DNA. This, of course, reeks of lies but Wanda's too busy being insane to notice it. JJ's wife takes that opportunity to thank Wanda for the afghan. Wanda screams that she can't take this anymore and stomps off. JJ's wife wearily asks him why they can't just take care of things and go back to Kansas. He explains that she's his goodwill ambassador and he needs her. But it's time to go and change out her IV and do another biopsy. Uh, is JJ indicating that HE'S going to do all of that? Thanks, dude, but I'm good on the DIY cancer treatment.

Bill visits Congressman Paley's office. He makes some chit chat with a woman in the waiting area but soon bumps into lobbyist Marilyn Densham (Sissy Spacek!). Assuming that she's the secretary, he asks to speak with her boss. Amused/pissed Marilyn offers to sell him a ticket to the Congressman's fundraiser that evening. "Me and some of the other girls are running a contest to see who can sell the most tickets," she says, dripping with snark that Bill is too dimwitted to catch. He thinks she's just being sweet. Unfortunately, only the $25,000 tickets are still available. "I really should get back to my typing," Marilyn says. The lady in the waiting room tells Bill that she hopes that he enjoys his visit to the capitol.

Barb is leading her sensitivity seminar at the casino, listing among her credentials her Master's in Social Work. The staff don't look terribly impressed. Meanwhile, Bill tells his lawyer about his encounter with the brassy secretary and the Congressman's office and the lawyer informs him of Marilyn's true identity as Paley's head lobbyist. Bill, you are what is commonly known as a jackass.

Nicki is taking Cara Lynn sightseeing and has dressed her in shorts and a short sleeved blouse, which makes Cara Lynn feel naked. Nicki says something about how she wants Cara Lynn dress in a way that makes her worthy of a man's complete love. Ick! Mom! Shut up! The artist drawing Cara Lynn's caricature looks slightly alarmed and, I imagine, goes back to thinking about puppies and not the wackos standing right next to him. Bill shows up but declines Nicki's invitation to go sightseeing. He's going to be too busy kissing ass trying to get into the fundraiser, but still wants to have a romantic evening later. He gives Nicki his Metro card and...hold up, has he MET Nicki? He had to fight to get her to move from the compound to the SUBURBS. She's not up for riding the subway in DC.

At the sensitivity seminar, Barb is ironically unaware of how much of an ass she's being by explaining to one of staff members that Mormon culture is very self-reliant so they will need to know how to react to negative feelings about their reliance on welfare. The staff member is acting out such a scenario with Sarah standing in as the ignorant asshole. With Barb's coaching, she replies, "You hurt my feelings." Barb urges her to explain what she wants to say, which is, of course, much more verbose. "I would say, 'Fuck you!' No. 'Fuck you, white bitch! We have this piece of shit land. Get off it. Your religion's a cult and you're a bunch of hypocrites anyway.'" Barb's face contorts into a mixture of fear and alarm. Hey, Barb! Tell them about your Master's degree again! That'll calm them down! 

Bill goes to Marilyn's office and explains that he made an honest mistake. "Is this because I'm from Utah?" he asks, trying to get her to admit that she hates Mormons and dudes named Bill from Utah. No, Bill, it's because she doesn't like you and you rub her the wrong way. Bill snots that he wouldn't give her $1,000 (for a fundraiser ticket) if she was Nancy Reagan herself. Ooh, burn! Bill then gets on his GOP Elephant and rides away.

At the hotel, Cara Lynn looks at her caricature and is a little upset to find that the artist gave her HUGE pompadour hair. To be fair, hers is a little extreme, I think. It's like she was attacked by Snooki from Jersey Shore, inventor of the friggin' poof.

Back at Juniper Creek, Alby is showing his son how to make copies and collate. Dale follows him into his office and demands to know if Alby thought they were just going to have sex and run off again. Alby's like, "Uh, in case you hadn't noticed, I'm not really a people person." Dale explains that he doesn't know what made him go to the park that day (Dale, I'm pretty sure it was the fact that wanted to have sex with someone you're attracted to, but I'm not a doctor), that he hadn't been there in years, that he knew what would happen. But they can't do this anymore. It's sinful and in his position it's unethical. Alby does this weird breathing exercise for a second and Dale explains that being gay is not the sin. "I'm not gay," says Alby. Uhhh... Dale continues that acting on the impulses is what's wrong. Alby retorts that being gay is, in fact, a sin but what they were doing was just fooling around (ahem, in a gay manner) and he LIKES fooling around so where's the fucking problem? It's all just fun and games, Dale. We're just, like, playing pat-a-cake...with our penises. Dale protests that he has a wife and three boys, I guess forgetting the fact that Alby has, like, 5 wives and 20 boys and that's not really deterring him. Alby stares at him and says that he can still taste Dale on his lips, but they're interrupted when Alby's son comes in with his copies.

Joey and Wanda are screaming at each other about JJ's news of Roman's impending exhumation. Wanda doesn't understand why they can't just run away and Joey explains that Roman scratched his face so there's probably little bits of Joey under Roman's fingernails. Ehh...really? I mean, if the family insisted that he died in Mexico and didn't want an autopsy, wouldn't his body have been cleaned before burial? I mean, obviously JJ is full of shit but I don't know why it's so easy to fool Joey and Wanda. Argh.

Barb and Sarah are driving out of the reservation when the hit someone who darts out in front of them. The girl they hit has run (er, limped) but they catch up with her.

Margene, Jodean, and some of the kids are watching a minstrel show on TV. I know I like to unwind at night by watching some fucked up racist shit. Margene tells Jodean that she's really sorry about Kathy's death and Jodean says, sadly, that she was all she really had. She thinks this is a dark time but that Heavenly Father has a plan for her and we must be grateful for whatever support we can find. They hug. It's sweet. Margene asks her if she would come to her prime time appearance and Jodean beams and nods. Aw, yay! However, their happy moment is interrupted by a loud knock on the door. It's JJ, and he's screaming, demanding to know where Cara Lynn is. Margene tells him that he'll need to discuss the matter with Nicki and JJ screams that he wants to talk to a MAN. Ben bursts in and tells him that Cara Lynn, Nicki, and Bill are in DC. JJ continues to freak out, terrifying Margene, Jodean, and the kids. Ben shoves him and orders him to leave. JJ does, but not before warning Ben that that was a mistake. He then swirls his cape and twirls his moustache and cackles and turns into a bat and disappears into a cloud of smoke, such the villain is he.

Bill and Nicki are having a romantic room service dinner. He hands her a gift that he picked up for her: a negligee. Nicki points out that there are no bottoms and perhaps Bill should have included a pamphlet describing the purpose and uses of negligees. Bill explains that they have to start somewhere. Nicki's phone rings and she tells Bill that it's Margene, so she better answer it in case one of the kids is sick or something. She answers and immediately starts babbling about how terrible her date with Bill is going and how there are NO BOTTOMS to her negligee. "ARE YOU DEMENTED?!?!?!?!" shrieks Margene and she tells Nicki that JJ home-invaded them. She wants to talk to Bill but Nicki says it's not a good time and hangs up. Not cool. Margene, distraught, asks Ben to stay with her...on the sofa. Nicki suggests desserts but JJ calls Bill and tells him that Nicki effectively kidnapped Cara Lynn and demands that she be returned to Juniper Creek. Nicki explains that she's showing Cara Lynn the world.

In the cemetery, Joey is digging up Roman's grave. GAH WHY ARE THEY SO DUMB? JJ's wife is watching from a distance and calls JJ. "It worked," she says. "They're doing exactly what you said they would." Yeah, JJ's not exactly a psychic, sweetie. Take any situation and figure out what would be the worst possible next step, and that's what Joey and Wanda will do. Did they ever tell you how they always died right away when reading Choose-Your-Own-Adventure books? Finally, he gets to the coffin and opens the lid, which he very gracefully drops on Roman's face. They both barf.

Sarah and Barb are waiting at the reservation hospital. Tommy comes out and says that the sooner they leave, the better, that they are barely tolerated here and this could cause problems at the casino. He urges her to trust him for a change. Barb, terrified, rushes out but I get the impression that this was a calculated move on Tommy's part, that leaving looks way worse and he's hoping that the staff will turn against her.

Alby and Dale are in bed together at a hotel. While Dale sleeps, Alby leans over and takes a picture of the two of them with his phone. Surely, no one will ever come across that. Plus, I find that it's always best to take pictures of the most scandalous activity that I'm engaged in at the time.

Bill is leaving the hotel for a meeting with the congressman at a coffee shop. Nicki promises to make up their failed romantic night. Cara Lynn enters, wearing her old dress. She tells Nicki that she doesn't want to wear her new clothes and she doesn't want to go out. She wants to go to the airport and get brochures for Italy, because that's where she would like to go someday. Nicki says that she'll need her father's permission to go to Italy...just like she should have gotten her father's permission to go to DC. Ahh, so it's actually not Nicki's fault. Interesting. Cara Lynn says that she knows it's wrong to lie and Nicki replies, "It is. And it almost never works." Uh, then stop doing it all the time, dude. Cara Lynn asks to go to a park and then to the White House. Nicki is ready to go, but first puts her gun in her purse.

Dale and Alby are discussing the new Zion-type compound developing in Kansas. They plan to secretly collaborate so that Alby could be remembered as the Great Reformer. Alby says that he feels like he's trapped behind a wall (in a closet?) but Dale assures him that this burden is only theirs for a lifetime, that same gender attraction doesn't exist in the afterlife. Uh, so we won't be hooking up after this? Drat. Dale goes to shower and as Alby gets dressed, Roman, or "Roman" as Alby imagines him appears and calls Alby a filthy, unrepentant sodomite and advises Alby to jump out the window. Thanks, dad. I always enjoy these chats.

Bill is waiting at the coffee shop for the congressman...who he spies getting into a car across the street. Bill, ever the smooth politician, chases after him, yelling, "I'M BILL HENRICKSON FROM UTAH! DID YOU READ MY MATERIALS?"

Back at the reservation hospital, Sarah is talking to Layla, the girl that Barb hit and offers her some money. She explains that her mom could probably get her a job at the casino. "They'd never hire me," Layla mumbles. Barb walks in and says she's glad to see that she's feeling better. "Thanks, I feel like crap," replies Layla. Show her your Master's degree, Barb! Barb pulls Sarah aside and urges her to stay out of it. Sarah protests that if they don't help her out, who will?

Bill meets up with Nicki and Cara Lynn and tells them that he's going to the fundraiser later and his meeting was fine and no big whoop.

At Margene's, Jodean is on the phone with Frank and promises to leave right away. She tells Margene that she can't go to the show. Ben says that he'll try to reschedule his band gig but Margene sadly tells him he can't do that.

Nicki and Cara Lynn return to the hotel where Nicki spots Bill's talking points. She grabs them and they head out again.

Barb goes to Tommy and tells him that she wants to give Layla a job. Tommy explains that Layla is a meth head and a mule. Barb is stunned and Tommy explains that meth has swept through their community in the last five years and how could Barb have any idea because she lives in the fantasy bubble of the casino.

Bill is trying everything he can to get into the fundraiser but is turned away. He catches Marilyn's eye as he leaves. He stops on the way out and prays for a sign. Suddenly, the lady from Marilyn's waiting room shows up and escorts him in. Also sneaking in: Nicki. Great! Bill saunters up to Marilyn and smarms that she is making a habit out of underestimating him. Oh, shut up, Bill. Nicki appears and hands him his index cards and wants to know who he was talking to. Meanwhile, Cara Lynn is sitting nervously outside, singing to herself. Nicki goes to the bathroom, where Marilyn is, and says that she saw her talking to Bill Henrickson. Marilyn calls him a jerk and Nicki admits that he's full of himself, but he's very successful in Utah. He even opened an Indian gaming casino. This news perks up Marilyn's ears. Bill has the Congressman cornered when Marilyn appears and suddenly has nothing but praise for Bill. The congressman agrees not to endorse anyone, which is the best he can do for Bill right now. Bill pushes for a contribution and the congressman warns him that he's pushing his luck. "That's what I do," Bill replies. Ain't that the goddamned truth. Nicki goes to look for Cara Lynn but panics when she can't find her. She's hidden in another room, pissed that Nicki was gone so long. She continues to freak out about how she'll never fit in and wans to know why Nicki abandoned her. Nicki tells her that she doesn't want Cara Lynn to be like her. They carry their fight into the hallway and struggle, with Cara Lynn shouting that Nicki has a gun. Wow, that is totally something that Nicki would do. Bill walks in just in time to see Nicki being arrested.

Back at the house, Teeny is home! Whoa, Teeny! She was "at camp" for, like, two years or whatever. She gets on the phone with Sarah and says that she's sorry she wasn't able to get married in the Temple. Barb rushes to get back on the phone with Sarah, who, it turns out, is at Layla's house.

Bill consoles Nicki and she wails that she just wants Cara Lynn to have choices, unlike her. Bill says that Nicki has a good life but, she replies, "I want her to have more." Ah, perhaps the deepest thing that Nicki's said in the history of Big Love. Sure, on the surface, Nicki has a good life, but it was just a way to save her from utter hell.

Margene is getting ready to go on when Ben shows up. Margene is thrilled and he says that he didn't want her to go on alone because she's a star. Aw, that's so sweet! Ben is such a supportive so--HOLY SHIT WHAT IS MARGENE DOING?!?! IS SHE MAKING OUT WITH HIM? AUGHGGHHH MY EYES!!! Margene sends him away as she tries to collect herself. As Barb and Teeny watch on TV, Margene's boss announces that Mr. Margene Heffmen is here tonight! The camera pans to a puzzled Ben and Barb watches at home, all, "Wait...what did I miss here?"

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>>>Show her your Master's degree, Barb!<<<


Is it just me, or is there a NEW Teeny?


I *heart* big love recaps. Thanks!


‘We're just, like, playing pat-a-cake...with our penises.’ Best line ever.

Joey and Wanda – my cat is smarter then them. My cat is a dumbass who grooms sweaters.

Teeny – best camp ever. Leave for two years – come back as a new kid.

Margene and Benny o_0 Funny - I had just been thinking how much progress Benny had made during this season because he hadn’t even looked at his mom’s boobs once. And then. ACKWARD BONER!

Oh, that crazy HBO. They are about as subtle as a sledgehammer this season.


KDiddy, one of your finest works. Cracked up out loud multiple times.


Love the imagery of JJ with a cape and mustache...

And there *is* a new Teeny. I can't believe that I didn't even notice.

Suzy Q

Wanda and Joey are on meth. Is there any other explanation?

I am loving Dale and Alby's little tryst, and all of Dale's explanationisms about how it's a sin, but not really a sin.

Bill is so fucking clueless about so much. And so is Barb, with all of her "sensitivity" and whatnot. Fuck you, white bitch, indeed.

And speaking of clueless, maybe Cara lynn wouldn't have felt so naked if Nikki had dressed her in anything other than shorts!

That whole "Mr. Margene" thing would be so easily explainable to the family, except for the guilty look on Margene's face.

I love these recaps.

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