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Bridal Sneakers, For When You Want Your Feet to Scream Both Nursing! and Cake!

Bridal_sneaker_beatriceHere is one of the stupidest and most unnecessary descriptors I have ever heard attributed to sneakers: bridal. BRIDAL SNEAKERS.

The Lovely Bride carries these for when you want your feet to look like a pair of specialized cakes at a party for nurses.

The one pictured below kind of makes me long for disco dancing. It's a pity that I don't even own one lamé jumpsuit to go with those babies.

Bridal_sneakers_Helena

I admit that the market driving the whole crazy bridal industrial complex defies my comprehension. Alarmingly often, traditional North American weddings tend to look like some kind of frou-frou purity ball in which the center of attention, the bride, tries her best to mimic a wedding cake. Or is the cake meant to mimic the bride? Or are they both cake?

One thing is certain, though. Both are consumed in the end and come out anew on the other side. One turns to post-wedding poo, and the other is reborn missing a goodly chunk of her previous legal claim to personal sovereignty.

Bridal_sneaker_beatrice

At any rate, why not throw in a pair of 160-dollar sneakers to go with that 6000-dollar dress?

And don't think that The Lovely Bride left out the bridesmaids:

Bridal_sneakers_bridesmaid

Okay, I'll admit it, I'm kind of partial to these in a crazy-cat-lady, I-think-it's-funny-to-amuse-the-neighbours kind of way, but I think seeing half a wedding party sporting these puppies while grumbling about having had to spend 125 bucks apiece on them would be a bit too much.

I'm not against comfortable footwear at a wedding. Lord knows my dogs were barking at my own little ritualized slice of pair-bonding, but there are better comfortable shoes that can be worn with wedding attire than pearlescent and faux-suede sneakers with rubber lacy shapes stamped on the sides of their elevator soles. Just sayin'.

In case, like me, mocking bad footwear satisfies some piece of your dark, little soul, check out "10 Hideous Attacks On Decent Footwear Everywhere from the 2009/2010 Fashion Seasons".

The world can be a very scary place, children. Be wary. Be wise.

. . . . .
Schmutzie wishes that she'd had a Go-Go to officiate at her wedding.







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Comments

momtrolfreak

I wore white keds with my wedding dress, but holy crap, specia,l heeled sneakers? wtf? I was such a hippie when i got married, i had literally NEVER worn heels and was not about to start. The keds were super cute (i sewed little satin flowers on the top of the laces to make them slightly "formal") and my feet weren't killing me by the end of the evening. They were, um, $20.

schmutzie

Momtrolfreak, I wore a pair of Payless, $30 sandals at my wedding. I hear you.

mapsgirl

I wore white Adidas runners at my reception. But those posted up there are a bit much.

iamthediva

when i got married i was barefoot for the ceremony and pictures, but wore white addidas skate shoes with red stripes for the dinner/dance (my colours were red and gold)... they looked far classier than those options...

BaltimoreGal

if i ever do get married I forsee some comfy little sandal for the ceremony, barefoot the rest of the time. My feet don't like shoes so much. After one turn as a bridesmaid (in Sears shoes the mother of the bride picked out) I seriously couldn't walk for three days.

JessieGinAZ

photo here---> http://twitpic.com/xyc02

I totally ROCKED the bridal sneaker look back in 2000...Sketchers for $30 baby WOOT--BEESHES!! pbbbbbtttttt

and yes I realize this is an anti sneakers post..so thus the "beeshes" and pbbbbbbtt although I may need to go check a few of MissBanshee tweets to see if I spelled Beeshes correctly..Oh well..

LOL ;-)...Shite those bridesmaids one are SICK..think I can find them in "eggplant" for a June 12th wedding?? LMAO!!

Kristi of Million Dream Mom

My husband and I rocked out our wedding footwear with customized Converse for him, some comfy slip-on shoes for me... and then I went barefoot at the reception! Barefoot AND pregnant. It was a classy wedding. (Actually, it pretty much was, lol. I just like to imply it wasn't.)

Sweetney

WOW. The ones with the embossed flowers? That shit is INSANE.

Kathy

My cousin wore white platform sneakers to her wedding. It was pretty badass.

(Granted, this was in the era of the Spice Girls.)

Suzy Q

This just HAS to be one of the signs of the Apocalypse. They can't fool me! I'm ready for that fucking Rapture.

funda62

I did buy a pair of heals for my wedding (less than $20 at Payless I'm sure) but then I realized I would be taller than my husband so I was barefoot throughout the ceremony and reception. Granted there were only 8 people at the wedding including us so it wasn't terribly important. Those shoes up there are fugly.

Alex

I'm getting married in October - totally have to order some of these! NOT!

See what I did there? "NOT!" jokes are the "That's what she said" of 2010. Tell your friends.

Washington "Lotus Foot" Cube

These would work if you would also do your hair in that Elsa Lancaster hissing Bride of Frankenstein skunk stripe thang.




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