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If You Have A Problem, Yo They'll Solve It

Smart-a-team  Because Hollywood would rather rape my childhood a little more than come up with an original idea, they have decided to remake The A-Team as a feature length movie, and I wish I wasn't loaded half the time  because then I would be able to remember for sure whether or not I've mentioned this before. And sure maybe Disney says "A dream is a wish your heart makes" , but my Dad used to say "Wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up first." Thanks, Dad. You make a good point. 

So let's just pretend I haven't mentioned the A-Team movie before, okay? It's going to star Liam Neeson as George Peppard and Bradley "My name is so anonymous it might as well be Bob Bobton or Rich Richards" Cooper as the guy who was in Battlestar Galactica and some UFC fighter as Mr. T and the weird-talking guy from District 9 as Howlin' Mad Murdoch. Oh those crazy voices! I loved when Murdoch did the crazy voices. When I was 10. This should be awesome. 

Now I don't know about you but it seems like they took a bunch of people who had huge movies in 2009 and let them try again in 2010 only this year instead of doing projects that matched each actor to their strengths they shoved them into a movie that seems like a terrible fit for everyone involved. But at least they get to parachute in a tank and shoot down a plane from the tank in mid-air. I think that's way better than plot or character development. 

Also it's a great idea to take an iconic and cherished television franchise from the 80s and rip off all the things that made it unique and transplant those things to 2010 where the kids are SURE to love it. Like when Hannibal says "I love it when a plan comes together." at the end of every episode! I mean...he'll only say it once in the movie but I bet that's going to translate perfectly. That was sarcasm. I have to be sure I'm being clear here because if anyone thinks "Kurt! You Sexy Genius Superhero! I think you are off-base on this one, because no kid is going to take pleasure from your childhood memories" than I failed Sarcasm College and I need a refresher course. This is like going to the proctologist and finding out he's really a silver-back gorilla with a hangover. I'm really not looking forward to what comes next.

Here's a trailer featuring tanks and planes and mohawks and loving it when a plan comes togethers and Bradley Cooper shirtless (for the Ladies! (*sizzles finger on ass*)) and a bunch of other explosions and stuff I don't care about. Enjoy!

Is it just me or does "Dirk Benedict" sound like some fetish involving eggs? Just me? That figures. 







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Comments

Charlie

My grandfather said that same shit ("wish in one hand"). My dad was a, when I asked "what if" questions, "I dunno, kid. What if Spartacus had a Piper Cub?" kind of guy. I'm a "daddy drinks because you cry" kind of guy.

Also, shooting down a plane, from a tank, in mid-air? That shit is exhausting.

Sheila

Fine post, but could the word "rape" not be used to describe something other than actual sexual assault? It devalues the word and contributes to the overall low importance placed on sexual assault in our culture. Thanks.

anna

Do you know why Dirk Benedict is so named? Because he's actually Dirk Niewoehner, which is pronounced "Neeve-ner" by the good people, including his relatives, of his hometown. (He was born in Helena but grew up in the tiny White Sulphur Springs, MT.) The standard story is that the stage name was thought of during brunch- thus, Benedict.

sassystitcher

My first thought when I saw this was to be a movie was "why" and then we saw the preview for it when we went to see Daybreakers. (Which makes me wonder why they thought if you like vampire movies, you'd like to see your childhood go up in flames on a larger screen.) I think my "noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" echoed through the theater quite nicely. My friends disagreed, but since it appears I have the same take on it as you do, I must be right and they must be wrong.

Ed Adams

I can't wait for this movie!

JAR

I loved the show but I'm afraid they'll trash it in the movie. Great Dad quote, by the way... I've heard that one from my dad, too.

No one does Mr. T like the original.




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