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The MamaPop Biggest Loser Challenge: Week 3

Biggest_loser The week's totals are in and they're after the jump. But who leads so far for the whole 3 weeks? Miss Banshee's in 1st with 13 pounds. BHJ is 2nd with 12 pounds. While TwoBusy, Mayopie, and Schmutzie are all tied up for 3rd with 9 pounds. That's 52 pounds off 5 MamaPoppers. Damn, we're fly.


BHJ lost 5 pounds for a total of 12 pounds. I was the big loser this week, yeah, but - check this is out - I'm getting fatter. Due to some fucked up Einstein relativity kind of shit, the more weight I lose, the fatter I get. Why? Because I lost 12 pounds from everywhere EXCEPT my stomach, meaning my stomach LOOKS bigger, even though it's just an optical illusion. What kind of shit is that?

Kelly lost 4.5 pounds for a total of 7.5 pounds. "I'm still doing the 30 Day Shred and started Level 2 the night before last. I haven't been doing it very consistently the last week and a half because my left knee was really bothering me (particularly during the Level 1 butt-kicks) and then I came down with a head cold. Cardio while your nose is congested is a good way to get cheap thrills and/or auto-erotic asphyxiation minus the orgasm. Aside from the knee pain, I was feeling pretty strong doing Level 1 for the last time. Of course, Level 2 was quite humbling. I'll be curious to see how long it takes me to feel adequate on this new level. Still hoping to squeeze in some yoga classes during the day but work is still wacky.Diet-wise: I'm still doing a very loose Weight Watchers. Not exactly counting points but mostly just being mindful of how much I'm eating and upping my veggie intake a lot. Also, reducing my meat consumption a bit."

So the head coat plus cardio what? It sounds awesome but I don't get it.

Mayopie lost 3 pounds for a total of 9 pounds. "I celebrated last week's success by consuming an entire extra cheese pizza (bearing in mind I hadn't eaten all day, as per the "Survivor Diet's" strict rules). That's also what I had for dinner last night. For the rest of the week, I limited myself to 1 pound of dark m&ms, a box of Entenmann's donut holes (pop 'ems) and made it a point to entirely avoid large bags of individually wrapped kit-kats. Go will power! Additionally, I've consumed various chip and dip combinations, most of which were cheese-based and awesome. I burned off any extra calories by pumping my fist and cheering during various "wild police chase" shows. No pain, no gain."

I hope he's kidding. If he's not kidding, I hate him.

Jennie lost 2 pounds for a total of 7 pounds. "I'm trying really hard not to get frustrated but it just feels like I should have lost more than that by now. Working out and eating healthy 95% of the time for nearly a month and only SEVEN POUNDS, WHAT THE FUCK? But, then I realize that if I keep up this pace, I'll still meet my goal for the MamaPop Biggest Loser Club and meet my total goal by July. I can live with that. But I've basically given up drinking in the name of weight loss and I'm starting to get slightly resentful about it."

7 pounds rocks and not drinking rocks and look at you in 4th Place this week!

Amber lost 1.5 pounds for a total of 6.8 pounds. I haven't had time for the Shred this week, even if it is only 20 minutes. However, one of my classes this quarter involves a lot of hiking uphill to our outdoor "lab" site, and again, I commute on foot and by bus rather than driving. I've been extremely diligent with tracking my points, and I've mostly eaten only whole grains, lean proteins and lots of fruits and veggies. Exception: on Tuesday I didn't have time to get lunch and ate a bag of Cheddar Jalapeno Cheetos from a vending machine, which ended up having a points value of 8. That's roughly 1/3 of my daily points. Not sure I want to live in a world where I can't justify eating spicy Cheetos."

Nietzsche said something about a world without Cheetos not being worth living. Or something.

Jodi lost 1.1 pounds for a total of 3 pounds. "Finished the 30 day challenge on Ea active for wii and liked it so much ordered I Ea active more workouts (not sponsored). Still trying to eat totally unprocessed foods, which man, is hard."

Hard? Like MamaPop's ass when this is all over?

Palinode lost 1 pound for a total of 7 pounds. "This is not a week in which I exercised much or watched what I ate."

Thanks for your straight forward honesty, Palinode. Maybe you need me to get in your face about your issues and make you cry.

Miss Banshee lost 1 pound for a total of 13 pounds. "I had a rotten week, and totally dropped working out. I must wonder aloud, however, how I can lose one stupid pound and still have my pants fall down. In public. That happened. If I'm getting naked in public, I INSIST that I at least get better numbers."

I can't argue with this logic. Public nudity warrants big numbers. Keep on keeping on.

Sarah lost .5 pound for a total of 2.5 pounds. "Slow and steady wins the race, bitches."

There's no BITCHES in TEAM, Sarah.

Outnumbered lost .5 pound for a total of 8 pounds. "I ate pretty well this week and stuck to my workout. I am starting to look less like a hairy pear and more like a hairy carrot. I almost had a nervous breakdown trying to get my American Idol recap done for today, so I fucked up my diet last night. I ate 6 baby lamb chops straight out of the pan, a shit load of potato chips and some white wine. I am surprised that didn't kill my weigh in."

Outnumbered blamed the Chargers last week and writing for MamaPop this week. You're never gonna make any progress until you blame your Mom, dude.

Karen lost 0.5 pounds for a total of 6 pounds. "In the words of Cher: If I could turn back time...if I could shut my mouth...I'd take back all the carbs that I fed you and you'd Shred...

Yeah I fell off the Shred wagon. I ate okay up until yesterday when life got busy as stink & I ate a whole bag of Sour Cream n Onion rice cakes, which HELLO SALT!  I WAS down 1.5lbs but the scale was not my friend this morning." 

Please don't do the Cher thing any more, Karen.

*

Big Fat 0 Club...
Kurt (total 2). TwoBusy (total 9). Motherbumper (total 5).

I didn't write down your excuses because I simply don't want to hear them. You need to know that sending me a 0 on Thursdays is like punching my Mom in the stomach. Why do you hate my Mom? She's almost 70. How the fuck can it possibly be a good time for you to beat up an old woman?

Week 4 = sweat. Especially you dudes. I mean. You've heard the girls crying about how men lose weight quicker and how they're saddled with fat to make babies. And then you two throw up goose eggs for the week? Fuck, dudes.


*

MIA. Amalah, Sweatpantsmom, and Schmutzie (Schmutzie emailed me but she didn't remember how much she weighed last week so she couldn't tell me how much she gained or lost).

Big Sigh.

So I'm keeping their 4, 2, and 9 respectively. You think it's easy to run a weight losing contest between a crew of iconoclastic drunk writers? Think again.

*

So totals. In 3 weeks we've collectively lost:

112_sos 112.8 POUNDS! That leaves 204.2 pounds to go and we've got 10 more weeks. Can it be done? Will more MamaPoppers drop out or merely stop sending me progress? Your guess is as good as mine.


But enough about us. How are you? Tell us about your progress. How's it going?


*

What the? Does that say 112 SOS? What a perfect way to transition into Adam's MamaPop Loser take on Shakira:


My scale is a
Lying whore for certain .

S.O.S She's in disguise
S.O.S. she's in disguise
There's a weigh-in in disguise
Coming out, coming out, coming out

An in-shape, healthy one that's all you ask of me
Darling it is no joke, this is biggest loser therapy
The truth's awake now with scales wide open
My body's craving, but don't feed the hungry


I've been devoting myself to shred Monday to Monday and Friday to Friday
Not getting enough fried cheese or decent beers to keep me at it
I'm starting to feel just a little abused like a coffee machine in an office
So I'm gonna go somewhere cozy to get me a burger
And tell you all about it

My scale is a

Lying whore for certain .

S.O.S She's in disguise
S.O.S. she's in disguise
There's a weigh-in in disguise
Coming out, coming out, coming out

Sitting on the couch, staring right at her DVD
It's going well so far, Julian's gonna get her way
Fitness creatures are not so prudent
The bitch is my teacher, and I'm her student

To locate the better food, I got on me a special website
And the fire department hotline in case I get in trouble with waiters
Not looking for cute little pies or rich wines that just want to enjoy
But wanting a very good time and to behave very bad in the arms of a slice.

There's a weigh-in in disguise
Work out and set it free
There's a weigh-in in disguise
Work out so it can breathe

S.O.S. she's in disguise
S.O.S. she's in disguise
There's a weigh-in in disguise
Coming out, coming out, coming out

S.O.S. she's in disguise
S.O.S. she's in disguise
There's a weigh-in in disguise
Coming out, coming out, coming out

There's a weigh-in in disguise
Coming out, coming out, coming out







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Comments

DianaCLT

Miss Banshee - you are bringing the awesome. No. You ARE the awesome! Can you refresh my memory, as to what you're doing to have these amazing numbers, so quickly? I understand you had a sucky week, but overall, you are rockin'!

MayoPie

I wish I was kidding. My diet is not without sacrifice. For example, I'm staaaaarving right now and very testy. Your mom just better steer clear is what I'm saying.

Snarky Amber

I ate the World's Biggest Quesadilla last night and chased it with three gin and tonics, so I'm pretty sure that 1.5 pounds is already back on my ass.

Cheryl

I finally figured what was missing from my diet/workout regimen: typhoid. A full five days of ab workout from hacking up a lung and no appetite = down 4 pounds.

I will take success anyway I can get it.

TwoBusy

I just had my first beer since Jan 1st, and it was wonnnnnnnderful. The tragic part is that my joy is already tempered with the knowledge of how I'll be paying treadmill penance for it tomorrow.

This sucks.

AmandaG

Down six pounds. However, haven't weighed myself since Thursday. I'm finding it hard to make time for gym/husband/kid/cooking/work and all that jazz.




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