Let's Talk About Jennifer Love Hewitt and Vagazzling. You Heard Me Right. Vagazzling.

Oh, I wish I were kidding, but I am very much not. Neither is Jennifer Love Hewitt. She's so not kidding about vagazzling that she included a whole chapter about it in her new book, The Day I Shot Cupid, due out in March. What does "vagazzling" even mean, you wonder?

Vagazzling means that JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT THINKS YOU SHOULD GLUE SWAROVSKI CRYSTALS TO YOUR VAGINA TO HELP YOUR BROKEN HEART BE WHOLE AGAIN.

Bedazzle your hoo-ha to happiness, she exhorts! And she thinks we should all give it a try.  At least that's what she was going on about on Lopez Tonight:

I think she's ridiculous.

During the interview, host George Lopez spends far too much time talking about Hewitt's booty, and then she spends far too much time giggling about how much he's talking about her booty, and then, just when I think that we can all be saved from having to hear even more about Jennifer Love Hewitt's butt than we already have, they bust into a conversation about the emotionally healing powers of vagazzling one's labia with hot pink swarovski crystals.

And, as if that's not enough, Ms. Hewitt decides to let us all know that she is, for the benefit of Lopez himself, vagazzled RIGHT NOW.

Jennifer, honey, there are other ways to sell books than to tell everyone that your "special lady", as you term your vulva, "looks like a little disco ball down there".

Also? I do not buy your vagazzling claims. The idea of crystals glued to my vagina inspire thoughts entirely opposite to those of healing and comfort. But then again, I've never really given deep consideration to allowing any of my friends artistic access to my special lady with a craft kit. This takes bedazzling to a whole new level.

. . . . .
Schmutzie don't know nothin' about no swarovski crystals.

Comments

[BaltimoreGal]

WHAT. WHAT?

[Chris]

As a dude, I don't quite know how to feel about this. Do I like it? Do I laugh? Do I shun? TELL ME.

[iambellaluna]

Why would vagazzling ever seem like a good idea? And also, how could that ever help with ANYTHING?! Especially a "broken heart."

[rkmama]

This is a joke right? RIGHT?

I cannot watch a 3 minute and 46 second clip of JeLoHew as I'm pretty sure my head would POP sometime before the 23rd second.

Gross.

[Average Jane]

I sure hope she's kidding.

[Rachel]

In his book "Naked Pictures of Famous People", Jon Stewart wrote a piece called "Martha Stewart's Vagina". In said piece, a fictional Martha made various recommendations for how to decorate one's vagina to suit all sorts of occasions. It appears, as always, that Jon Stewart knows just how ridiculous people can be, even before they themselves realize it.

[Rachella]

OMG! I totally thought you were making that up. Then I watched and listened and I still don't believe it.
Well I do. But I don't.
*shudder*

lesson today: I will never doubt you again. (but I may not recover from this, thank you very much!)

[Jessi]

1. Ew.
2. Who let Jennifer Love Hewitt write a book?
3. It is going to be soo hard to watch my guilty pleasure Ghost Wisperer reruns tonight.

[Fawn Amber]

Wow...just...no.

[PaintingChef]

Does anyone else think that just sounds... itchy?

[Sheryl]

Um, ow.

[Suzy Q]

Holy cannoli. Just when I thought I'd heard everything...

[tonya]

And I thought I hated her before I heard this news...

[ozma]

No, that is not real.

Well, OK, the outside? You could not do that to the inside? I don't want to get technical. OK, whatever, let us talk about moisture, etc.

Anyway, I don't like to criticize other cultures. Perhaps I do not understand their savage customs.

[Suzy Q]

Also, shouldn't it be spelled vajazzling, because you're, um, jazzing it all up down there?

Oh good lord, I'm sorry.

[schmutzie]

I thought about how to spell it, couldn't decide, and then googled it to find out what the concensus was, and then I realized that I was GOOGLING VAGAZZLE, and it was all entirely too wrong. But here I am. Sometimes pop culture hurts, people.

[rebecca]

so...um...i would totally vajazzle. not for everyday, certainly, but for perhaps my anniversary. or my birthday. because i think that catching a glimpse of sparkly as i change would make my day.
i take more offense at the use of 'va-jay-jay'. it is a vagina, JeLoHew (Tyra, Grey's Anatomy). even my 3 year old knows that.

[Amy H]

so...um...where do the crystals even go? Are we talking about where you get a bikini wax or where a tampon might go? Because those are 2 VERY different scenarios all together.

[Out-Numbered]

SCHMUTZIE. I love ya but you're wrong on this one. JLH just went up to a 9 in my book. Funny enough, I did some dickgazzling on the night of my honeymoon. So HOT.

[AmyC65]

when I was little, and would complain about something "hurting" that clearly did not....my dad would offer to hit me in the head so that the pain of THAT would over-ride my imagined pain. That is the only scenario by which I can imagine vagazzling helping heal a broken heart. It hurts so much, it makes you forget everything else that is wrong?

[Procrastamom]

Okay, so because Karen Sugarpants passed this on to me in her Google Reader, I'm going to go ahead and call this the ULTIMATE CRAFTASTROPHE!

[Samantha jo campen]

All I can think about is a rogue crystal shimmying up my girlie bits and helLO gyno trip! Not to mention the glue adhesive causing some type of yeast infection. UGH.

[Scout's Honor]

I played this video in the home office.

My husband who usually pays no mind to my puttering swung his desk chair around and was entranced. Glued to laptop.

Yes, she is on to something.

She just vaghypnotized the man in my life. Heh!

Tricky, tricky, Jennifer.

[Sweetney]

umm... wow?

Couldn't that be... I don't know... HAZARDOUS? Sharp edges and all?

And let's not even getting into the whole stuff-getting-lost-in-there thing...

[vicky]

I'm with Sweetney on this one. That's the first thing I thought about when I read this. Itchy, weird glue issues and is it labia safe glue? Do you use the same as you would on your eyelashes? Also? I see lots of lost crystals trailing the ground you walk on, falling out of underpants, skirts, etc. Though if you jazz your vag this way, I bet you don't like underpants that much either.

[Hilary]

This doesn't even make sense. JLH sounds a moron in the piece and also could George Lopez be any creepier?!

[TwoBusy]

I'm fascinated, horrified, then fascinated all over again by this.

[iambellaluna]

When you googled vagazzling, did google images pop-up anything? I'm so morbidly curious about how this looks. Do regular people vagazzle? When people dye their pubic region and cut it into rediculous shapes...is that a form of vagazzling? or is a vagazzled vag only count if it has shiny crystals all over it?

This is in my top 5 stupidest things I've ever heard.

[Katya]

I can't wait until all tubes of superglue come with a warning that says, "DO NOT APPLY TO GENITALS." Because people need to be told.

[jen from boston]

How I wish Chelsea Handler, or even Ellen had done this interview instead of George Lopez. I think that would have been some entertainment.

Another woman''s on-air rxn to this nonsense would have been priceless.

[AzRN]

(delurking to comment): As a professional nurse, I beseech you all to NOT bedazzle your labia. The last thing anyone wants to see at the hospital are rhinestones stuck all over your genitals. (By the way, the vagina is on the inside; so, no one would see that "disco ball." justsayin'

[iambellaluna]

MamaPop: Can you please put a "Like" button on this comments portion. I'd really be happy if I could "Like" AzRN's comment.

[anne nahm]

I cannot stop laughing. Seriously - I'm ROFLMVaggazzlesO.

Already imagining the choking noise of vagaggling later that night.

[Palinode]

Well. Time for some scrotegazzling. Tell you what, I'm just going to glue a big old amethyst to my testicles and then dial Jennifer Love Hewitt's cell phone obsessively.

[Washington "Sparkles" Cube]

If Michael's is out of crystals (The cashier said they had a weird "run" on them this week,) could you then use those googly eyes that roll around and around :::moving head around and around::: to make the eyes wiggle? :::moving head around and around and wiggling eyes:::

Then again, why not turn your vagina into a Mr. Potato Head and glue all sorts of stuff down there: little cartoony puffy shoes and a hat.

Maybe we should wrap our vaginas in aluminum foil so they don't pick up signals from Enceladus.

[Nat]

I have to accessorize my vagina. Duly noted. I'll do that right after I make it pink. Did you see that stuff... it's supposed to make look pink and young? Like lipstick for you labia.

[Sourire11]

What? No. That can't be real.

I see an entire etsy business springing up around this concept and it terrifies me.

[Catootes]

Glue and Labia
Two words that do not go together.

I suspect there is chafing. I will never know.

[Karen Sugarpants]

Dear Procrastimom - you're completely right! I featured Schmutzie's post here: http://craftastrophe.net/2010/01/bedazzled/

And holy crap on a cracker - that chick is wiggity whack. There is NO WAY I would stick those things on my labia. Ouch!

[Katie Kat]

o_O

Uh.... yeah. I.... yeah. No. Ummmmmmmm... ?

Just wrong.

[Angela]

On the one hand, omg that can't feel good.

And yet, on the other, how fantastic to be the girl with crystals falling out of her lady bits. Isn't that just like a fairy tale?

Oh wait, wasn't that gold coins from her mouth?

Well at least crystals from the nethers wouldn't impact my ability to talk.

[Mers]

I took one for the team and googled vagazzling. No images. Just a pair of underwear with the word vagazzle written on it with sparkly letters. Oh, and lots of outrage at JLH's comments.

[DianaCLT]

Ugh. Oy. Ick. Eek. Ack. Argh. So many onomatopoeias are springing to mind right now!

And, of course, for JLH - herself - BLECH! Can. NOT. STAND. this. woman!

Really? REALLY? WTF with that breathy laugh and squeaky inhale? REALLY? Didn't that go out in the '70s or something? *Vomits in mouth* And the hair tossing? HATE.

And - yeah - uh...the vagina is INTERNAL. The labia is external. If she's going to stick sparklies somewhere, she damn well ought to know where she is sticking them!

[Renee]

This was one of those rare but awesome circumstances in which you didn't even have to wait until after the jump to reveal the mystery. You could just say that sh*t right there on the main page and you KNOW people are going to click through, because WHAT THE HELL????????

I love you mamapop. Love.

[ljpock]

LMAO at all the comments! This is why I love this site so much.

On a more serious note - no freakin' way am I gluing stuff to my nether regions.

But the scrotegazzling - that could be interesting....

[AzRN]

personally, i think palinode should forgo the amythest in favor of the googly eyes mentioned by washington "sparkles" cube....rotflmao! he could have a large pair of eyes in the middle of a plethora of smaller ones!

[Kristen]

That is just wrong.

[frauleinfurioso]

Ouch! So...does the glue just wear off, and then the crystals fall off? Or does one forcibly remove them (ouuuuuuchbabyjesus!)?

Why am I even asking this?

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

I choose to block any memories of reading this post and all of the subject matter above.

INCLUDING the fact the people keep giving George Lopez shows.

[MommyTime]

This is awesomely insane!

[Tonya R]

Three words.... what.....the....f***?

[Ally789]

This is just silly, first of all its not necessary. secondly like you want crystals dropping out of your pants.I imagine also after a day it's itchy and fells just weird. Finally it's not actually the vagina she's talking about because that would be very painful.