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Project Runway Recap - The Highs and Lows of Fashion

PR7-Ep3  I almost forgot that I'm sitting in for Amalah, until it occurred to me as I was guzzling booze in my local watering hole around 9:15 last night. I chugged my gin and tonic and rushed home on foot just in time, but I might have been a bit tipsy during my viewing of the show. Nevertheless, the recap must go on. Let’s do this thing:  THIS? Is Project Runway.

Actually, THANK GOD I was drinking, because it was a team challenge, and those always make me have an apoplectic fit. I don’t like it when mommy and daddy fight, and every friggin team challenge feels like a rocky marriage.

The designers are getting ready to meet Heidi again on the runway so she can tell them some vague shit about what they're going to do for the next challenge. Jesus has been in the bottom twice, and he’s talking about himself in the third person while the guys are all marveling that Ping is still there, since her model’s ass was OUTSIDE HER DRESS last week, y’all. I must agree it's pretty baffling.

PR7-Ep3

Heidi comes out on the runway and makes it seem like they're all going to meet some top designers, but it’s a total crock, because they’re just going to The Met to meet Tim and some dresses. They aren't just dresses, however. They're gorgeous couture by some of the most iconic designers of, well, ever: Dior, Yves Saint Laurent, Balenciaga, etc. Tim tells the designers that their challenge is to design a look that could stand among these looks, and their budget is $500, the highest! budget! ever! and they have two days to work in teams. However, the designers aren’t assigned to a particular designer or anything, so they're just supposed to "make something iconic,” I guess? Great direction, Bunim-Murray, another pretty dress challenge, only this time it's a "REALLY pretty dress" challenge. Oy.

There are still way too many people on this show, but luckily the editors pretty much ignored half of them this episode. So, Jesus and Amy, Janeane and Ben, and Emilio and Anna? I guess we'll see you next week. We knew you were safe about 20 minutes into this episode. 

Everyone goes to Mood, and I swear they are the dippiest group of designers Tim has ever taken to a fabric store. It's like a third grade field trip. I suppose if I were a designer with $500 to spend for one look, I might have some problems focusing, too. 

The designers all return with their fabric and get to work. A few hours later, Tim walks in and everyone acts like they’ve never seen this show before. OMG SURPRISE YOU GUYS! A SECOND LOOK! Wow, I am so blindsided by this new and exciting twist. Tim tells them the second look should be a cheaper, ready-to-wear look to accompany their high-ticket look, only it should be derived from another team’s look, not their own. They get $50 for this look, so it's back to Mood. As for who is working off what signature look? I couldn’t even do that sober.

Let's get down to the drama:

Mila and Jonathan 

OMGyouguys, Mila is only making a coat while Jonathan sews everything else and fits the models and he is sostressedout! If we get called to the carpet, I know she'll throw me under the bus! Jonathan confesses. Only I will TOTALLY throw HER under the bus first. And, like, way harder
 There's gonna be a lot of people under this figurative bus, I can tell. Mila is totally oblivious to her future bus-throwing as she obsesses with her unhinged, wide-eyed stare over every minute detail of the coat.

Anthony and Seth Aaron

Actually, this was the most adorable pairing ever, even if their work was kind of not adorable. Seth Aaron frets over every little thing and they bicker like a sweet old married couple. When Tim comes through to look at everyone's work, Seth is cranky about something he was working on that didn't work, and Anthony sasses, "Stop acting up in front of company!" I want a pocket-sized Anthony, even if I find his design skills so far to be a bit iffy.

Ping and Jesse

Ping is team leader, and with the tension between them so thick from the get go, you just know this team is going straight to the bottom. See, it appears that Ping can't really sew or make a decision or behave like an earthling. Jesse spends the whole time trying to teach Ping how to sew and rein her in a bit, to extremely poor results. Problem number two? Jesse sends Ping alone to Mood, where she picks out some sort of horrible hooker pleather. Just because the outfit is supposed to be financially cheap doesn't necessarily mean it should look like you bought it at Frederick's, Ping.

Jay and Maya

Jay has immunity and Maya thinks that's why he's flitting around to everyone else's work tables like a little butterfly instead of helping her sew. She kinda looks like she would cut him if they get called out to the bottom.

On runway day, Tim comes in to give the designers their ten minute warning, and they all, models and designers alike, look like they’re on a coffee break. CHOP CHOP. When time’s up, Tim calls to them like they’re kindergartners lining up for a fire drill. GET IT TOGETHER, KIDS. If I were Tim, I would require that a production assistant ensure a full bottle of Maker’s Mark be left for me in my viewing fortress of solitude during each runway show. Seriously, designers, YOU TRY MY PATIENCE.

Let's look at the bottom and top, shall we?

Seth-aaron+anthony

Anthony and Seth Aaron's signature look is yellow and black and...poofy. It's not great, but I didn't think it was as bad at the judges did—I guess Nina would question my taste level. Orangey Bear Kors said their signature look was like a cotillion party in the south of hell.. As for their look for less, I had to agree with the judges. It looked like something that would end up on the floor of the clearance rack at TJ Maxx.

Mila+Jonathan1

Mila and Jonathan's look is the only look that isn't a dress, which everyone seems to be very excited about, even though all the looks at the Met were dresses, and I don't see anyone bitching at Dior for making a friggin ball gown. Mila's coat is very mod, but with a contemporary, new spin and I love the yellow lining. I'd like to see that yellow repeated in the top instead of the sparkly thing, and I'm not crazy about the pants, but that coat is rad. However, their look-for-less looks like a maternity prom dress. FAIL.

Maya+jay

Jay and Maya's signature look is breathtaking. To me, it's truly the only thing that came close to the design greats we saw at the Met. But what's really amazing is that their look-for-less is more stylish and expensive looking than the $500 look it was based on. In fact, when they brought out the fucking snoozefest dress they chose for inspiration, I kind of wondered why that pair (whichever it was) wasn't in the bottom. We gave you people $500 and this is what you give us? Really? UNACCEPTABLE.

Ping+Jesse+2

Ping and Jesse's looks really reflect how dysfunctional they were as a group, not that anyone could be functional with Ping as the team lead. It actually looks like Jesse tried to make an actual dress of their signature look, that Ping then draped four bolts of fabric over. I do not get it. Their look-for-less didn't fit the model at all, and she was sure to let the judge's know that it was PING who was to blame and not Jesse (her designer). Because, remember, this is a competition for them too, even if nobody cares. Jesse says he would have done better if he wasn’t teaching Ping how to sew. IZ BUS THROWING TIEMZ NAO.

Jonathan is safe, and Mila is named the winner of the challenge. I actually think Maya and Jay had the stronger looks, and more importantly BOTH of their looks were strong, but I just get to play the home version of this game. If Mila and Jonathan are the winning pair, I think it's right that Mila wins. She may have done only the coat, but since that was the best part of the outfit, she deserves the win.

Maya and Jay are in; Seth Aaron is safe. Anthony is in, Ping is out. OH THANK GOD. I’m sorry, her quirkiness was like day old gum at this point, and even if he's probably not a winner, I am not ready to say goodbye to my southern belle Anthony yet.

I'll be back next week to cover Amy again while she lounges around in an island paradise. But don't worry about me — I'd much rather be sitting here watching my television with my laptop on my knees than lying on a Caribbean beach.







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Comments

G.G.R

I actually loved Pings dress. I thought it was original and very beautiful. Since when is fashing supposed to be comfortable or practical? I was SO ANNOYED at Pings partner whatshisname the whole episode because he decided from the get go to be a bitch through the whole partnership and I wouldn't be surprised if his negative energy held the whole process back hugely.

Suzy Q

Nice pitch-hit-cap, Amber.

Ping is a mystery wrapped in a puzzle of origami tied up with a bow of crazy. I shall miss her, just a little bit.

Anthony is grating on my nerves. I agree about the dress that he and Seth-Carole-Aaron-Hannah made, though. It wasn't nearly as ugh as the judges made it out to be.

I didn't like that weird dress Jay and Maya made. It sort of made me think a giant sea snail had attacked the model. Oh, well, to each his own.

funda62

Jesse seems to have anger issues. The edit (or maybe real life) made him out to be a total dick. I know Ping isn't the greatest designer of all time but she seemed likely a truly sweet and naive person. He was an ass to her the entire time.

I totally agree with you about the win and Anthony's outfits. Oh well I'll never agree with the show 100% I'm sure.

Thanks for the awesome recap.

Washington "Mangajin" Cube

I always enjoy the model show more. First of all, every time they show one of them eating I want to squeal..like Shar Shu Ding. Show us when they spit it out! Show us when they spit it out!

And I adored what's her name that trashed Ping. Then she gets picked for next week. Hello?

Seriously, if you had to work IRL with Ping? Could ya take it? All of that running around like a trapped silkworm in a jar, banging into the walls? Where's my tablet? Where's my fabric? Poor butterfly.

I think I'll call myself PING all day tomorrow. PING for Partimage Is Not Ghost. NO! WAIT! MANGAJIN! Japanese GHOST! Hai!

mj

I loved the glee on Michael Kors' face about SEPARATES! Of course, that's what he's good at, but it's like he also realizes that there have been way too many people just getting by on cute cocktail dresses for the last two seasons.

Merit

Great recap!




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