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Put A Fork In It, Soundgarden, And Leave It There

Soundgarden Do you follow Chris Cornell on Twitter? Me neither. Anyway, on New Year's Eve, he tweeted "I need some dough so... SOUNDGARDEN!" I totally made that up because I'm mean and cynical. Really, he tweeted "The 12 year break is over & school is back in session. Sign up now. Knights of the Soundtable ride again!" Oh, give me a break, Soundgarden.

Popular music in the early 90s kicked ass.

I don't care enough about truth to know if that's true or if my assessment of popular music in the early 90s is skewed by the fact that I was in my early 20s. Maybe everything kicks ass in your early 20s. Probably does. But subjectivity is the best objectivity we have. So, popular music in the early 90s kicked ass.

There was that whole Seattle thing with Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Alice In Chains, etc. The Chili Peppers were rocking. The Smashing Pumpkins were awesome, no matter what the rest of MamaPop says. And that's just off the top of my head. There was a bunch of cool stuff happening. I mean there's always a bunch of cool stuff happening. But in the early 90s, cool stuff was popular. It was really weird. You had this bizarre feeling that maybe life was cool.

But then we blinked, got married, had some kids, and suddenly Eddie Vedder's singing "When something's broke, I wanna put a bit of fixin on it". Well, enough, already. It's broke. That's what 20 years'll do to you. 20 years is hard on rockers.

It makes me wonder, not without a little bit of shaming myself, if Kurt Cobain didn't have the right idea in 1994. I mean think about it. Which of those acts isn't currently a circus act? Nirvana. Sure, Dave Grohl went on to make a bunch of music other people like and didn't Krist Novoselic become the mayor of Nowhere, Washington or some shit like that? That's my point. Who knows? Because those guys left Nirvana where it belongs: in rock history.

But Pearl Jam and the Chili Peppers and the Smashing Pumpkins - they just keep making this music and maybe it's good. I don't know. Is it good? Again, I'm not some smug Rolling Stone writer who thinks he has the angle. I just hate the music. You know? The Chili Peppers are scoring number one hits going "Heyyyyy Ohhhhhh". I mean what the fuck?

And don't even get me started with Alice In Chains minus Layne Staley. Those fuckers fell and hit their heads or some shit.

And now Soundgarden?!?

First, let us bow our heads and pause to remember this kick in the mouth.

Here's what Chris Cornell said in October, 2005: "It's almost like we sealed the lid and said, this is Soundgarden and this is its lifespan, and put it out there. And it looks really great to me. I think getting back together would take the lid off that and then could possibly change what... to me seems like the perfect lifespan of the band. I can't think of any reason to mess with that."

Me neither. Exactly. There is no reason to mess with it. None.

Unless you're broke and you need the dough, in which case you should be tweeting "I need some dough so... SOUNDGARDEN!" And then who could blame you, Soundgarden? It's rough all over.

My poor 90s. Hobbling on its crutches. Keep the lid sealed, Soundgarden. All my friends are skeletons.


. . . . .
BHJ is a negative creep, a negative creep, a negative creep and he's stoned.






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Comments

BaltimoreGal

He did NOT tweet "Knights of the Soundtable".
Because if he did Kurt Cobain will have to rise from the dead and hit him about the face and neck with a guitar.

BaltimoreGal

Also thank you for that kick in the teeth because I know people so young they don't really remember that Chris Cornell. They only know the new, uninmproved, moussed hair, low-waisted jeans, easy-listening one.

SciFi Dad

We appear to be moments away from locusts and horsemen.

Jessi

I have this really mixed reaction to this kind of news, which seems to be everywhere. And it's something like this: "Soundgarden kicked ass! New music is crap! Soundgarden shall kick ass again and all will be right with the world. No, well, maybe they won't. Maybe they'll be middle aged rock stars which has never worked for anyone. I mean, really. Well, maybe once it worked for the Stones or Aerosmith, but I think they kind of sucked at middle aged, too and started rocking again at too old to give a fuck, so maybe this is bad news. Wait, what was the news again."

And yet, I'm still disappointed when they suck, which they will, even though I knew it would happen, when I could remember what I was thinking about.

Layla

Is Timbaland having any part in this? If so, I may join a convent.

Out-Numbered

Dude. I would pay good coin to see these guys live one more time. Jeez, I still go to see all these old, fat, 80's fucks when they come around. Why should this be any different. We'll all get old and fat together. It's either that or Lady Gaga. Seriously?

Katie Kat

First of all, I don't care what anyone says, Chris Cornell has the GREATEST voice in rock history. Okay, that's just my opinion, but I feel it's valid.

Secondly, Nirvana isn't a "circus act" today because Kurt Cobain decided to blow his brains out. Who knows what it would be if he hadn't. And Dave Grohl and the Foo Fighters are the best thing that came out of Cobain's demise, if you ask me - which you did not.

Still - I don't disagree with you. All we can hope is that the magic is still there and makes an appearance!

Samantha

I completely forgot how hot Cornell was. This makes me very sad.

Palinode

If something's dryyyy, I wanna put a little butter on it.

Palinode

The Suck of Soundgarden started when they released Black Hole Sun.

Vicky

I guess modeling and playing jazz in France got old and/or didn't pay the bills.




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