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The MamaPop Biggest Loser Challenge: Week 1

The_biggest_loser I was humbled by your response and participation in MamaPop's commitment to becoming way hotter. We're already smoking hot on the inside. And we're all smoking hot on the outside too, beneath all the fat. So let's work together to find our hotterness. Here's some advice from our new fitness consultants and also how Week 1 treated MamaPop.

First off, yeah, we got some fitness consultants to give us some advice. Here's a picture of me & my buddy, Kristin Darguzas.


I forget where this was taken because I was totally drunk. I'm not kissing her, though (Jenna). I'm actually cracking a joke in her ear about a protein shake or some shit like that.

Okay I'm lying. That's Kristin's boyfriend, Corey Auger, but the similarities between us are striking. I'm lying again. I'm going to stop lying now.

Corey and Kristin are not experts or personal trainers. However, they have bodies like that. And, as far as I know, no one at MamaPop has bodies like that. So they're going to be like our Bob & Jillian.

Corey and Kristin are in the process of developing a social networking fitness website called Aqufit. However, it's in its early stages so, right now, it's mostly just a blog where Kristin calls everyone lazy or something. Check it out.

But enough about them. Let's review the MamaPop staff's initial goals and Corey and Kristin's responses to them.

KELLY. 30 pounds. Kelly's going to drink tons of water, use a modified approach to Weight Watchers, and Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred. A lot of MamaPoppers are using The Shred. But the competition is way longer than 30 days. Will they Shred the whole time? I don't get it. Time will tell.

KRISTIN: The Shred can get mind-numbingly, wretchedly boring after 10 or so sessions. You'll be noticing things like the Beyonce chick cheating in the corner in Level 1, or craning your head to read Jillian's ankle tattoo in Level 3 by the seventh or 8th go around. I'd recommend picking up 2 more of Jillian's videos. I have No More Trouble Spots and Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism. They are longer (40 minutes) but a nice change and they whip you into shape just as hard.  Also: interested in hearing more about the modified approach to Weigh Watchers...that might be key. 

COREY: I have read that if you have a super cold glass of water first thing in the morning before you eat, that it jump starts your metabolism.

BHJ: I've never heard that, Corey. I'm guessing that that cold glass of water makes for the difference between our abdominal regions. 


TWOBUSY. 30 pounds. TwoBusy is going to combine The South Beach Diet with treadmill abuse and a complete disappearance for the capacity for joy.

KRISTIN: Allow at least one day a week for complete joy. Drink a bit of wine, eat some pudding, smother stuff in cheese.  One cheat day can work wonders. 

COREY: Treadmill can become super monotonous. Make sure you have good music, or if you are located in a suitable region, run outdoors.

BHJ: I like treadmills because they make me feel absurd. It's hard to explain.


BHJ. 30 pounds. I've only got a couple rules. No sugar. No crap. And I must run at least a mile a day. This is a psychological trick because, once I start running, I generally keep running. Some days I'll punk out and run 1. Other days I'll run 10. But I WILL run every day, egging myself on with the threat of self loathing and being a pussy. NOTE: It is generally recommended to take at least 2 days a week off running, but I don't care.

KRISTIN: BHJ. Go with what's recommended. Or at the very least take one day a week off. Corey will help egg you on. 

COREY: I am with Kristin on this one.. the last thing you need is an injury.  Make sure you stretch and NEVER work a muscle that is already sore.  You are doing more harm then good at that point.

BHJ: Well who asked you? Okay, I asked you, but I've got this silly idea in my head and, even on my day off, I'm going to at least jog or walk a mile. And if I DON'T get injured, then I'll write a book called The Myth of Rest Days. 


KAREN. 28 pounds. Karen's going to use The South Beach Diet, running, and the 30 Day Shred.

KRISTIN: This sounds like a lot, up front, and I am worried about burn out.  Take at least one day a week off exercise and maybe consider one day of straight weight training as there is a lot of cardio in here. 

COREY:  Find some company when you do your runs or try going to the gym with a friend.  I find that this doubles as a social outing and some exercise, which makes the time roll by a lot faster.

BHJ: If you're wondering why I'm making comments as well, it's because I thought of this idea and I'm writing the articles.


JENNIE. 22 pounds. Jennnie's doing a 9 week Couch to 5K program, 30 Day Shred 3-4 times per week, Wii Fit 3-4 times per week, and keeping caloric intake to 1200-1500 per day.

KRISTIN: Jennie, wow, I thought I exercised a lot. The 30 day shred and Wii Fit 6-8 times a week total? Will make you famished and it might make it hard to stick to that low caloric total.  I'd recommend alternating between the 2, and maybe consider upping the calorie count to 1800 or so a day if you're doing a whackload of cardio.

COREY: Don't be to drastic with your caloric intake.  You need a diet that is sustainable in order to keep the weight off when you return from your diet.

BHJ: I could beat you in arm wrestling, Auger. You might have the pipes but I would lock eyes with you and destroy you with my intensity.


GOON SQUAD SARAH. 20 pounds. Sarah's going to do the 30 Day Shred, Tae Kwon Do, and drink less.

KRISTIN: My biggest lesson so far to date in this fitness quest has been how important diet is.  Drinking less is awesome, but maybe consider cutting down on some carbs, too (if you eat a lot)  Love that you're mixing the shred with a cool kickass sport.

COREY: Agree with Kristin on this.  Watch your serving sizes and be cognizant of the calories in products you are purchasing at the grocery store.

BHJ: Dude. You keep agreeing with Kristin. Meowww. Do you wear pink underwear too? 


[Jesus, look at that dude. You can bet your ass I'm going to drink a glass of cold water every morning.]


MISS BANSHEE. 20 pounds. Ms. B's eliminating white sugar and white flour and only snacking on fruit and vegetables. She's only drinking water, doing the 30 Day Shred every day, and fortifying her motivation with viewings of The Biggest Loser.

KRISTIN: This is holy crap ambitious. I'd initially recommend one "cheat day" where Ms. Banshee can have baked treats or wine and taking a day off the Shred.   

COREY: Eliminating sugars is key. If you were into drinking a lot of Juice and Pop before... your switch to water will make a big difference in a lot of facets of your life: energy levels, sleep, balanced Insulin levels.

BHJ: I recommend that Miss Banshee NOT drink wine.


SNARKY AMBER. 20 pounds. Amber's using Weight Watchers, 30 Day Shred, and using green tea to eliminate coffee and espresso drinks. 

KRISTIN: Green tea is great.  Again, would recommend one day off training and diet so you don't go insane. The shred always makes me famished.

COREY: I would recommend getting some friends incorporated in your workout schedule.  They have a way of motivating you on those days you can't do it alone, and vice-versa.

BHJ: I used to run with my neighbor, Larry, but then he moved to Alabama. I miss Larry. You create a special bond with a person when you run with them. Fuck you for moving, Larry.


SWEATPANTSMOM. 20 pounds. SPM is relying on good old fashioned diet and exercise.

KRISTIN: This is great, but I'd write down exactly what kind of diet you want to follow - having a plan has made staying on track much easier for me. 

COREY: Yes track your progress and maybe get some friends involved.  This might spur on a bit of health competition.


[that was probably dumb]


KURT. 15 pounds. Kurt is focusing on diet because everything else hurts.

KRISTIN: What about walking or hiking or a little bit of non hurty exercise...swimming, here and there? Diet's a good start though...what are you going to do, exactly?

COREY: Exercise hurts until it starts to feel better. Or perhaps it is that after a while you start to love the "hurt".  I would start out with some lower intensity exercises and work your way into it.

BHJ: I thought this was the most kick ass thing Corey wrote. There are times when I'm running and everything hurts and it feels like that's precisely what a body is for. However, Corey will not like how much it hurts when I leave him behind in Vegas.

[I keep digging this grave. Eh. It'll keep me motivated.]


SWEETNEY. 13 pounds. Sweetney's going to just work out like a motherfucker.

KRISTIN: I am 100% all for working out like a motherfucker.  But it won't do a damned thing, sadly, if it's circumvented with delicious pasta and yummy dessert.  Consider diet changes (small ones) too.

COREY: Agree with Kristin fully on this one.  I think that body changes are 60% diet related and 40% activity related.

BHJ: This fact is proof that God hates us.


OUTNUMBERED. 12 pounds. Jason is going to eat 3 healthy meals a day, controlling his portions. He's going to exercise 5 times per week, eat no sweets, and eliminate alcohol or limit it to once per week. He plans to use a combination of iron, sweat, and blood to create the perfect killing machine. Plus he's going to shave his body completely.

KRISTIN;  Armpits, too?  Because I think all men should have armpit hair.

COREY: Shave the pits buddy... That hair only slows you down as you propel your body through the air and water ;) 

KRISTIN: Corey totally has armpit hair.

BHJ: I've got a lot of hair on my ears. It's really fucked up.


JODI. 10 pounds. Jodi's going to work out every day for 30 minutes while eliminating processed foods, white flour, and sugar. She insists on maintaining her voracious wine consumption. I think she's a drunk.

KRISTIN: Jodi, if you can do it and still drink your wine, all power to you.  But it's hard as hell to do, because of the unfair way the body processes alcohol.

COREY: Perhaps use the wine as a reward for your activities, and have an idea of how many calories you are putting back in your body that you just worked so hard to consume.  I find being aware of this is often enough to discourage myself from overindulging.

BHJ: You're trying to rationalize with a problem based in irrationality. Jodi's a hopeless wino. Hit the gym and an AA meeting, Jodi.


AMALAH. 10 pounds. Amy's going to do the 30 Day Shred, cut back on soda and wine, and dump the remaining halloween candy.

KRISTIN: This seems pretty reasonable for 10 pounds of loss. Corey?

COREY: 10 pounds is a good goal.  Soda and wine are killers, if you can limit those along with low calorie food choices, you should start to see the results you are looking for.

BHJ: What about diet soda? I'm a sucker for a Diet Coke?


PALINODE. 10 pounds. Palinode's going to add exercise subtly and carefully while eating with greater care.

KRISTIN: Again, helps to have a bit of a plan about the eating.  Otherwise, in my experience anyway, it's easy to justify rice pudding and chocolate as totally careful.

COREY: Agree with Kristin.  Map out your day before hand and make attainable goals for yourself.

BHJ: Too vague, Palinode. Too vague.


SCHMUTZIE. 10 pounds. Schmutzie's going to walk across the frigid Canadian prairie every day and drink less excellent Canadian beer.

KRISTIN: I bet the frigid Canadian prairie walks burn calories like mad.  I am sorry for the loss of excellent Canadian beer but the walking is a great start.

COREY: Incorporating a muscle workout increases your EPOC , which will help you to burn more calories at rest throughout the day.

BHJ: This is one long ass post. Plus I still have to talk about MamaPop's progress.


MOTHERBUMPER. 10 pounds. Katie's going to eat healthy snacks, use her Wii Fit, and increase her daily walks.

KRISTIN: How often will Katie use the Wii fit?  I'm interested to know if it gets boring or if it's kind of fun on a long term basis.

COREY:  If you are walking alone, bring great music with you.  This is time that I use to reflect on the day and relax.  If you get into a good routine it is easy to keep this energy going forward.

BHJ: Hell yeah, Corey & Kristin! Thanks for the comments and your willingness to see MamaPop through this journey. We'll hit you up with some questions for next week. But now...


1). Miss Banshee. 9 pounds. Holy shit! Miss Banshee had a competition long goal of 20 pounds, so she's considering upping the ante after a stellar first week.

2). Kelly. 7 pounds. Kelly's fiber consumption has made her regular. I know that's a lot of information. It gets worse.

3). Jason. 7 pounds. Jason stuck to his plan and his diet but he's yet to shave his shoulders.

[Editor's Note: I smell amphetamines in the top 3.]

4). BHJ. 6 pounds. I ran 21 miles and did pretty well with the diet until Wednesday. I ate a handful of trail mix that had white chocolate chips in it, went insane, and ordered a pizza. It was like this Pac-Man blackout. I'm totally Hyde.

5). TwoBusy. 5 pounds. He sent me a note that said the world lost its color. Hydrate, dude!

6). Snarky Amber. 3.7 pounds. She was 3.1 but she took a poop to squeak by Karen. I told you it got worse.

7). Karen. 3.5 pounds. Karen's in shock. Welcome to MamaPop Hotness Power, Karen. It's contagious.

8). Jennie. 2 pounds. "Jillian Michaels is a bitch."

9). Marsha. 2 Pounds. She called it measly. I call it major. Hells yeah, Marsha.

10). Jodi. 1.4 pounds. Have you seen Jodi's 1.4 pounds? She lost it in a blackout?

11). Motherbumper. 1 pound. She's happy. So are we.

12). Kurt. 1 pound. Kurt was derailed by a brother bearing carbs on Bad Movie Night.

13). Sarah. .5 pounds. "Shut-up".

14). Amahlah. 0 pounds. "I went to my husband's holiday party on Satur-[fill in huge excuse here]." You're not going to make any progress, Amy, until you hate yourself, start crying, and deal with your issues. You've seen the show.

15). Palinode. 0 pounds. Foiled by cheesecake.

16). Sweetney. 0 pounds. Foiled by a late start and some bad food choices.

17). Schmutzie. ??? pounds. I think she's lost on the Canadian prairie. Anyone heard from Schmutzie?



49.1 pounds! Nice. Scratch that off our initial goal of 310 pounds and we're down to 260.9. Awesome! If our top 3 keeps popping Adderalls, we're going to make our goal in no time.

But enough about us! How was your week? Did you lose any weight? Stick to your goals? Talk to us. How's it going?

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God DOES hate us. (weeps)

Snarky Amber

I lost another .2 as of today's Wii Fit weigh-in, without pooping.


I didn't mention to Corey that I really was going to send the picture of him in the pink monkey underwear so he's a bit traumatized (but secretly he likes it)

Love your commentary BHJ (the stuff about the hairy ears in particular) and I am thoroughly impressed with the progress of so many of you! I think January is a bitch to get through because of the dark days, festivity hangovers, etc. but as the summer approaches it gets a bit easier.

Can't wait to hear how you're all doing next week.


Dude. I want to hug you but I'm afraid I'll get armpit hair in your mouth. It's up to you.


That was just hilarious. I'm gonna wait until it's over and see what works the best.


I'm suddenly feeling like... like... I'm part of a real team effort! Like if we work hard enough, and work together, we can really...

(balloon popping)



I actually haven't weighed myself, but I would be surprised, nay, SHOCKED if I lost anything. I got a late start, and um... I like pizza.

Wowsers with the top 3!

Time to get for reals.


I'm down 2 pounds this week! YAY! Although you really ought to hear the string of obscenities flying from my mouth as I attempt to go up or down stairs, or like, sit or stand. Thanks to my trainer! She rocks!

Karen Sugarpants

I bought the other two Jillian F*ckface videos and promise to keep this up. Especially since it's here for everyone to see.


I've been working out (Shred) and trying to eat smaller portions, but I've hit some sort of plateau. I was 148.8 Saturday, low of 148.4 on Tuesday, and am back up to 149 today. Am depressed. I missed one day of Shred, but have been and will continue to stick with it, and I may mix in some yoga. I've only got 5 days to lose 3 pounds, so I shall be cutting way back this weekend and next week.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah

You know what else you notice after watching the shred video too much? None of them are wearing socks. Well, no visible socks anyway.


Also, why am I so worried about it? I can't even smell their feet from here.

Karen Sugarpants

p.s. I love Amber's poop diary on here and the distro. *snort*


Four pounds, probably a combination of poop, water, and dead skin cells, but I'll take it. Stuck to my diet and exercise plan except for the one day when I was curled up in the fetal position sobbing all day. But I'm pretty sure I didn't emotionally eat, so overall, two thumbs up.


OMG, you guys are hilarious! I'm going to follow just to see if I can get movitated for 5 lbs. I know. hard life. I'll live.
Plus, seeing Corey in pink undies is highly amusing though I strangely enough don't look at him like THAT anymore - now that I know the dude. And that's meant with the most love and respect my friend!
Good luck to you all!


Still pregnant. Probably gained a pound or two. I'm told this is a big baby, so I'm mostly worried that he put on all that weight.


I was going to ignore the decimal point in my weightloss just like they do on Loser, but then, after I only lost 0.6 pounds and beat the shit out of my bathroom scale, I changed my outlook. Every .1 counts from now on, bitches!

Also, I discovered early on that the exercise was making me feel like Superwoman (fat rolls of steel!), so I guess that's why I spent the better part of the week laying on my couch watching Housewives of New Jersey. Me and my "bubbies" are an idiot.


my mom and i started the 30 day shred 2 days ago, and i kinda want to kill jillian michaels right now. but, i can't. because i can't move my legs without crying.


FAIL - Gained 1 pound.

I am a POS. I'm making apple dumplings tonight which is going to make me an even bigger POS.

Next week goal - break the cellophane on Shred video. Stop making apple dumplings.


Doing some better, but the kids' candy treat stash is going to sabotage me unless i watch out.


People: BHJ totally add "voracious wine consumption". I do not drink that much for the record. And I'm lost on the blackout thing.

Snarky Amber

BTW, I am personally offended by Kristin and Corey, and the audacity they have to go around looking like that. Fucking jerks.


Kristin and Corey, since I do not imbibe alcohol, I can cheat with, say, cheese, right? Cause I like cheese. Mmm, cheese.

A Vapid Blonde

This whole post is hysterical...Kristen just wants everyone to take the day off and thinks that you all eat pasta in your sleep.

@BHJ your comments are so inspiring.

The time I lost 22 pounds after unknowingly losing 8 pounds I was eating salad, protein, espresso, cigarettes and wine...I have never felt better. I also found some of those pounds again...little shits!

A Vapid Blonde

Also Congratulations on everything you all have lost...it feels really good! Right?


The More You Know: muting the 30 Day Shred and blasting Lady Gaga instead makes for a much quicker and fun workout. Also less swearing words directed at Jillian. And that's one to grow on.


Lost one pound this week...caused either by walking or (more likely) fron laughing my spleen out at a Jon Lajoie concert. If you don't know Jon, RUN to YouTube now. I highly recommend "High as F*ck" or "Show Me Your Genitals." (Because, really? Who doesn't recommend THAT?)


Miss Banshee: Corey and I actually eat full fat, super sharp cheddar in a lot of our wraps and egg white omelettes. You don't need very much to get the flavor. If you only add a small bit, it's not that bad. Reduced fat feta is acceptable but I kind of hate all the other low fat cheeses...they just taste like rubber to me.

Plus on cheat days, I can eat anything I want. It's my bro's 31st birthday on Sunday and we're going for Greek and I am going to use that as my cheat day this week...mmmm, saganaki.


Great stuff guys! You are on a roll. And that is some funny stuff!

Ms. Single Mama

Going to totally buy that Shred video. Damn it. Thanks for this awesome post you guys.


I think I lost 5 pounds laughing while reading this! Thanks so much. By the way, Kristin and Corey should enlarge both pictures and hang in their bedroom like another super hot couple (Seal & Heidi Klum) have decorated theirs. You guys are so cute together.


2 lbs. It may be measly, but it's right on track for my goal of 26lb in 13 weeks.


2 lbs. It may be measly, but it's right on track for my goal of 26lb in 13 weeks.


Sorry that posted twice.


I lost .5 lb. Because I started late in the week. And didn't start exercising until today. ONWARD...


2 lbs bitches- not bad for not exercising most of last week.


This is great! I so look forward to following your progress. Al the people who only lost one or no pounds, sometimes it takes a couple of weeks then you get a relatively big loss. It's caed a"whoosh"!

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