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Ashlee Simpson's Pre-Surgery Nose Is Growing Back: Voldemort Questioned

1AshleeSimpson That's it, Hollywood. Your faces are fighting back. As Ashlee Simpson is now proving, your attempts to cheat nature are futile. Your old noses are mobilizing and poised to take back their rightful place on your heads. This is exactly like that movie where the guy couldn't control his hands. Idle Hands, I think it was. Idle Noses. Creepy.

This is truly a medical mystery. In 2006, She had a nose job, her nose looked like she had a nose job, now her nose is back to normal. Huh? Her nose will simply not be contained. It's a force of nature. It has a will of its own and it longs to be home. It loves her face. In fact, maybe this isn't so creepy at all. Maybe this is more of a lost puppy story like "Benji." Benji The Nose. I think I like that better. Let's go with that one.


Benji The Nose: The Journey Home


Ahhh... I love puppies. The photo below was taken of Benji The Nose in 2005, before he was separated from her face. (Though the real story is more like Ashlee sent Benji to live on the farm in the country where it could run and play with all the other noses. At least that's what she told the other parts of her face. Shhhh....)


Notice how happy Ashlee and her loyal nose seemed together. It's as if they were made for one another. Her mouth and eyes seem pretty content, as well. They grew up with Benji The Nose. They're like a happy family.

In the next photo, you'll see Benji isn't there any longer. When this photo was taken in 2006 (shortly after the surgery), it's likely Benji was on his long journey home (probably foiling a crime or something that he inadvertently stumbled into along the way). 


Notice how sad her face looks. It tries to smile, but her mouth isn't cooperating and you can see the grief behind her eyes. They clearly haven't gotten over the loss and the new nose, while cute and everything, is just no Benji.

(I'd be lying if I said I'm not crying a little. Told myself I wouldn't do this.)

I... just a sec...

Ok. Compose yourself, man. This isn't all a tear-fest. This story isn't finished. Like any good lost puppy story, this one has a happy ending. 

After many trials, tribulations and after likely having met all sorts of interesting people and other lost noses along the way on what could have only been a very long and difficult journey, Benji the nose found his way home to her face. Here's the reunion photo. Look at the way Ashlee's mouth and eyes light up. They're all together again. (Grabs tissue.)


Heartwarming, isn't it? I'm a sucker for a feel good story. I can't wait for the sequel, even though they're never as good as the first one. We'll see. I'll probably rent it or wait until it comes on cable in case it sucks.

In related news, ummm... huhhh? Sure, I can make up an awesomely inspiring puppy story about Ashlee Simpson's face and that's fun and all, but in the immortal words of Scooby, Raaarh? What the hell is going on here?

I've thought long and hard about it, in addition to having the crack research team (in my head) spend several seconds on this. Maybe even 4. We call that "overtime" for these guys. They're lazy and don't like looking stuff up. Thinking of firing the lot. I don't know. They might have nailed this one, so maybe they can stick around for awhile. Here's what they came up with:

Every week many of us contribute to the Video Roundtable, an assortment of videos put together and edited by Palinode.  We're asked a question and we answer it. Monday's assignment was, "If you could go back in time and change any event in history, what would it be?"

I think it's fairly obvious what happened. Someone figured out how to actually do it, went back in time and prevented the surgery from ever happening. Wow.

But what steps did they take? Did they go back to 2005 and just talk some sense into her? Or was it more elaborate? For instance, maybe someone went back to prevent Jessica Simpson's birth. Then Ashlee wouldn't have had to share the limelight or be forced into her sister's shadow, thereby feeling no need to alter her appearance. It's crazy, but just crazy enough to work.

Has anyone checked on Jessica? Or do you even know who Jessica is? If she wasn't even born, then to you, I'm just rambling incoherently (probably thinking that anyway). This is why you shouldn't mess with time. It's confusing.

So there you have it. I think we can stamp a big "Solved" on this one. Far fetched, you say? Maybe to the untrained, non-scientific mind. And that's why you'll never get work in my head. But to be fair, what's your theory? I'll give you a shot at a comfy position in my mind. I might even fire that asshole "Steve" to make room for you. Enlighten me. What the hell, face?

(I highly recommend the Video Roundtable this week and not because I'm in it. My recommendation is despite the fact I'm in it. If you haven't checked it out, click on the Roundtable question above.)


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Fawn Amber

My theory: Someone punched her in the nose, causing it to revert to it's original state. Probably for allowing her husband to continue to be such a douche. I might be wrong, but I might be right.


Hmmm, very interesting call on Ashlee's nose... Could you get those folks in your head to research the phenomenon that is Renee Zell-what's-her-name scrunchy face?


I hate to say it, but are you sure that's not an old picture? I mean, cause look at the hair? Unless she has a certain nose that she takes out of the closet when she's a brunette. Like maybe she has blonde noses and brunette noses so she can change her nose as easily as she changes her hair.


Is it just me, or is she kinda walleyed in that last picture? It's freaking me out a little.


Oooh, like that creep Return to Oz movie where the witch or whoever changes heads? Awesome.

Also, can we address the real question here? Why does she seem to be at some kind of Reese's Pieces event? And why are there photographers there?

mrs chaos

I haven't even read the post yet, but holy crap the title made me laugh.


Seriously, I spit my drink out reading the title. You should win an award.


I wish the same fate for Jennifer Grey of Dirty Dancing fame. I've never adjusted.


If her nose is named Benji, then in that 2nd photo, here eyelashes should be named Charlotte.

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