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Dwarf Western Asks Important Questions

Last_rites_ransom_pride  The Last Rites of Ransom Pride is a super-western that asks that eternal question that has been spoken in every frat-house since the beginning of time; "Who killed the dwarf?". Now I know they like to be called Little Persons, but since it's Peter Dinklage playing the lead dwarf I don't think there's been a breach of social etiquette here. I think dwarfs are allowed to be called dwarfs so long as the decision to do so is ratified by the Supreme Dwarf Council from Under-mountain or wherever. I don't know. I can't find the chapter of the Bible where the rules are all written down. But my point is, they are probably cool with it.

The reason I'm covering this western is because the cast is awesome and I'm a sucker for a great cast. Also for dwarfs...but let's not get off track. Lizzy Caplan plays the main character who has sworn a blood oath or some such nonsense to see to it that the titular character (snicker) gets buried. I know I could have said "eponymous" but "titular" is so much funnier. Because of boobies. And maybe you think I had to look up "eponymous" to make sure I was using it mostly correctly. Well I didn't HAVE to. I chose to. It's effort like this that makes me a great film reviewer. But back to Lizzy Caplan. She played Sara on Freaks and Geeks way back when, so anyone doing a google search for "Judd Apatow Huge Boner Erection Pills" will totally be directed right to this preview. And that my good people, is how you build a virtual community. 

Also in the movie, as I mentioned before, is Hollywood's go-to Little Person now that Vern Troyer has proved to be off his nut, and that is Peter Dinklage. If you haven't seen The Station Agent than I guess I'm better than you and more in touch with the Indie Dwarf movie scene, and therefore edgier. I'm so edgy it could be said that I have no surface at all. Only perimeter. Think about it. Also he is set to star in Knights of Badassdom in 2010 which I don't even care if it's a documentary about making Ice Cream Cakes, I 'm going to. That might be the Holy Grail of Movie names. Except for Monty Python and the Holy Grail. 

Also in The Last Rites of Ransom Whatever (I forgot the title already...that's a great sign!) is Dwight Yoakum who proved himself to be an awesome asshole character-actor in Slingblade. And Scott Speedman plays Ransom Pride even though I think he's dead for the whole movie (SPOILER! Except not really because the title says "Last Rites" and that Catholic code for "dead") and he played that super-werewolf-vampire thing in the crappy Underworld movies... so HE'S got street cred, Yo. And Kris Kristopherson, who also starred in crappy vampire movies is in the house. 

So pretty much unless you hate your eyes or are a tiny baby scared of vampires you should go to this movie even though there is absolutely NO evidence that it doesn't suck and my most compelling argument for why you should see it  is "Don't be a chicken." or "Dwarfs are awesome."  I stand by my reputation, either way. And by "stand by" I mean "Obviously don't give a shit about."

Maybe the best I-Don't-Know-What Trailer ever:

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I do kind of hate my eyes. Really more their placement. I would kind of like one on my hand so I could see over walls without having to jump or climb. Having an eye on my hand would also make me a poor climber, so I'd have to see over walls, as I could no longer climb them. It makes total sense.

Despite my distaste for my eyes and their current placement on me, I'm buying what you're selling. I'm also a sucker for dwarves. "Dinklage" you said? Is that really his name or did you make that up? If you didn't, then it's a fine name. If you did, nice.

Jen O.

I nominate that trailer for The Really? Is This For Real? Award. Because, really? Is this for real?

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