Heidi Montag Sang a Song That Made Me Look Deep Into My Soul

Oh, how did I miss this? With all the attention being given to Heidi Montag's cosmetic surgeries I didn't realize she had an album that came out a few weeks ago. And just as I was about to write her off as another empty-headed, auto-tuned, talentless nitwit, I listened carefully to her song Superficial and realized I might just be jealous.

They say I'm superficial  / Some call me a bitch / They're just mad cause / I'm sexy, famous and I'm rich 

Call me crazy but I think I've had an epiphany of self-reflection at the hands of Heidi Montag.

Heidi taught me that jealousy is a destructive emotion, and our dislike of her is only because our asses don't look as hot as hers does in a pair of True Religion jeans:

I rock the latest fashions
And I set the latest trends
Girls say I'm conceited
Cause they really wanna be me

Heidi, thank you for helping me not to hate.

This next part is one of my favorites, because it shows that Heidi isn't ashamed of asking for help, like rehab and stuff. Also she talks about her parents, but does a brilliant transposing thing at the end where you're not sure if she's talking about her mother or herself, although they sound equally fucked up:

I'm addicted to the glitz and glamour
Maybe I need Betty Ford...
Cause Daddy never says no
Mama get what she wants
I keep it new, new
Like I'm supposed to

Heidi, as a mother, I'm now committed to keeping it new, new. *waving hands in the air like I just don't care*

These next few lines are the opening of the song and really brought home to me how if I just wore a little more lipgloss maybe I could be loved. In other words, as Freud said, "Bootyliciousness is not skin deep."

Hoppin' out that Maserati
All I see is paparazzi...
Lots of makeup, people stare
Always center of attention
Lookin' so bootylicious

This next part got me angry in a totally Alanis Morissette kind of way! I think what Heidi is trying to say here is that you shouldn't give a flying crap what anyone thinks of you, and you should just go ahead and wear a tiara while you're eating your cornflakes even if there are starving people in the world because they're just losers.

And I don't care,
That I keep pissing people off...
I don't give a damn what they say
It isn't fair
That I wear diamonds for breakfast
And I know this isn't helping

Also, I think it's so great that with that last line Heidi admits that it might be her fault that everyone hates her. I think this is the first, crucial step in healing, and I have Heidi to thank for that.

Here's the video for Superficial. I hope you get as much out of it as I did.

. . . . .

sweatpantsmom is feeling reflective and bootylicious.

Comments

[PaintingChef]

What a train wreck. Wow... I will NEVER get the 2 minutes and 12 seconds I lasted watching that video back. You know what this girl needs? For someone to tell her the TRUTH.

[Laura512]

NO

[Kristin]

Is it wrong that I think the jaw reduction was a good idea?

[cindy w]

I'm sorry, but I can't bring myself to click "play" on that video. I really just can't.

[Apryl's Antics]

I wish every time someone clicked "play" Spencer Pratt would get an electric shock. It would be a bittersweet experience to say the least.

[Fawn Amber]

Please...please make it go away.

[Irma]

I made it 47 seconds in to the video before my husband looked up and said, "What on earth are you listening to?"

Garbage, dear, Garbage.

[frauleinfurioso]

That video gave me MRSA in my eyeballs. HATE.