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John Mayer Doesn't Know When to Shut Up

John-mayer John Mayer just did a pretty personal interview (as far as Hollywood interviews go) for Rolling Stone where he talked about masturbating and Jennifer Aniston, not in the same sentence but fairly close together. I thought, "Well, hope he got all that out in the open and goes back to just tweeting his stupid thoughts." Apparently not. He has since done an interview with Playboy where he he goes on and on and on about things he perhaps should not be going on and on and on about.

Full disclosure: I don't particularly hate John Mayer as much as the average person. I think he's arrogant as all hell and annoying, too, but I also think he's talented and that one or two of his songs are just incredible. But the man really likes the sound of his own voice. He cannot figure out how to just shut the hell up about things like his past relationships and sex and sex in his past relationships and the muuuuuusic, man.

The Playboy interview is pretty standard as far as Playboy interviews go, and, yep, I've read a few in my day. He talks about how famous he is and how he'd rather a girl like him than want to sleep with him and how his music is about so much more than meeting chicks these days (barf) and just when you think he can't possibly take himself THAT seriously he says "that pearl of possibility that lives in your heart when you meet somebody you want to know more about has such a different molecular density than everything else that you have to pursue it."

What the hell does that mean?

Then he got personal. And weird. He talks about Jennifer Aniston (somewhat sweetly) and Jessica Simpson (somewhat creepily) and then goes on to say his dick isn't open to dating black women, which has to be the stupidest thing he's ever said and that's out of an entire Internet full of stupid things he's said.

Jennifer-aniston-john-mayer-split-breakup When he discusses the Aniston breakup and how being 32 caused the problems that led to the relationship ending, he says, "but 32 just comes roaring out of me at points when I don’t see it coming. I want to dance. I want to get on an airplane and be like a ninja." John, my husband is 32 and he's never once wanted to get on an airplane and do anything other than read Popular Science. Perhaps it's not being 32 that's your issue, but being insane.

He talks about how Jessica Simpson was like cocaine and that "sexually it was crazy" which causes mental images I absolutely never wanted, thank you very much, John Mayer.

There's so much more, all of which I think will find its way into a few profanity-laden emails from the women he talks about because no matter how much he claims to have loved one or both of those exes, nothing says "I don't respect you one bit" like talking about what the sex was like with a national magazine. 

John, I think "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room" is one of the best songs I've ever heard, but you've got to be kidding me with this interview. If you don't feel you've adequately felt grossed out and annoyed enough today, I suggest reading it. It should fill that quota right up for you.

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Seriously, I had this dream last night that I met John Mayer and some famous friend of his in a park, and we got to talking and found out that we had a ton in common and became like best friends for an afternoon. I thought he was the coolest guy on earth in this completely platonic way. And then I woke up and thought WTF?!

I wonder if he really prefers pulp in his orange juice like he said.

Apryl's Antics

You know when you blow up a balloon and then you pull the little neck thingy together to make a slit and release just enough air to make that eeeeeeeflpppppfleeeep sound? That's essentially what has happened to John Mayer.


He's such a douche bag.


I read the Rolling Stone article too. I think that he was not only weird in playboy he was offensive. A pass? Srsly? If he really did have one, I'm thinking that this article got it revoked.


Let's not forget that he tossed out the n-word. I'm noticing that point getting glossed over everywhere.


i find him repugnant in every possible way


Total douche bag. It would be great if his loose lips would sink his "I'm the hottest man in Hollywood" ship.

I won't hold my breath on this one but I can still hope.

Washington "Coochie COO He is EW" Cube

:::wiping down anything he touches with a Clorox wipe:::: And if he's bad now? Picture him at 50. Shudder.


Hate. Haaatteee. His interview with Playboy is horrible. And I honestly don't think him basically calling Jennifer Anniston washed up is very sweet. He said something like, the majority of her success was before 1998 and then sort he sort of makes it sound like their relationship ended because she didn't "get" Twitter. Maybe she just hated the shit you SAID on Twitter you ass. And don't even get me STARTED on his penis not liking black women and his "hood card." Total ass.

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