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Project Runway Recap: Run for Cover

Runway HO HO HO BITCHES. I'm back. I missed the auf'ings of Ping and our wee little Mexican Jesus Hobbito, and something with...soup and stars (STARS. BIG ASS DRAG QUEEN STARS.), but now I am here. For you. For us. For Tim. For the Bluefly Accessories Wall. THIS. Is Project Runway.

(First of all, my eternal gratitude to Amber for pinchcapping the last couple weeks. MWA.)

We start off What Mila Is Ruffled About & Taking Personally This Week: No one said "congratulations" to her second-place "win" for the Big Ass Drag Queen Star Gown. Which: You didn't actually win anything, Mila. Maybe that had something to do with it?

Whatever. Let's get to the challenge. I am getting very weary of these overly-complicated field trips they make the designers take. You know it takes them half a day to get everything set up and everybody transported and in place and lined up for about two minutes of standing and spliced-in reaction shots. And oh, there are many O-faces for us today, because this is the Biggest! Challenge! In the history of! Project Runway! The winning look will be modeled on the April cover (THE COVER!) of Marie Claire. The celebrity model is Heidi Klum. Who will be how many gajillion months pregnant by then?

The designers are given plenty of tips about what looks good on a magazine cover: Bright colors, detailing at the top. And also what looks bad: prints and patterns, drab neutrals, black. And anything below the waist will get cropped the hell out of the photo, duh. SPOILER: Almost everybody besides our ultimate top three completely fucking ignore all of this advice.

(Also am I the only idiot who has always called it "Marieeeee Claire" and not "Mary Claire"? Like, what's next? Finding out that it's not pronounced Ver-Say-Cee? What about Hermeeeez?)

$150 budget, 30 minutes at Mood. CrazycarchasevideogamemusicOMG!  Mila trips and slams face-first into a railing or something and it's awesome and deeply satisfying.

They only have one day -- 9 hours -- for this challenge. Much much talk about how little talk there is in the workroom. Everyone is silent, except for Sethrey Carol Aaron, who is bugging everyone by talking and talking and Thriller-dancing-zzzzzzzzzz. He does not appear to be a popular dude among the group, as there is much eye-rolling and confessional-bitching about his maturity level.

Wait. Janeane and Mila are wearing incredibly similar graphic yellow/black/white shirts and it's messing my notes up. I am no longer sure who slammed into the railing at Mood, though I'm sticking with Mila because nobody cried.

Ben is finally getting some screen time. Boy is not afraid of color, thank Ver-Say-Cee for that. Anthony is using a very bright turquoise, and Mila notes that Anna is using a similar shade. "Yikes," she says. Anna is, for some reason, making three pieces, including a pair of tailored short-shorts. Which would not be seen on a magazine cover ANYWAY, so I'm missing her train of thought here.

Likewise, Janeane is concerned that her dress is looking a bit bridal. I should point out that the Mood footage clearly showed her grabbing tons and tons of bright colors, but for some reason she's using some terribly misguided choices for a magazine cover: beige, pale pinks, pastels.

Jason is yelling at the TV about Heidi being pregnant and everybody making fitting thingies to tiny dress forms. He asks if he is missing something, because right? She is pregnant? RIGHT?

We WERE missing something, because the models come in. So the designs will only be worn by Heidi once she gives birth and then immediately shrinks back up to her usual tiny self, like she always does. Oh, go suck face with a railing, Heidi.

You know, the tops and bottoms seemed even more telegraphed than usual this week, with it being incredibly clear who was stressing for no reason and who was being overconfident and who was going to get completely ignored on the runway. Therefore, I'm skipping the extraneous middle and going right to our top three designs:

Picture 12 

Emilio. At first I was surprised to see this in the top three, but then I remembered: Heidi. She loves short short short and low low low and tight tight tight. Once again he returns to his interesting-fabric-trim trick, yet once again manages to do it in a way that doesn't seem repetitive. The color, though, is likely what got him the top spot, or at least other designers' fear of it. SO MUCH BEIGE! FLESH-COLORED INSANITY! (Jay Nicolas, in particular, could have been top-three if he'd used a damn color. Amy also did a good job but likely did a no-no by using a print. Listen to the damn instructions, guys!) The judges hate the extra frippery on the straps, and Emilio scores big points for whipping out a pair of scissors right there and cutting the straps off without a second's hesitation. There's staying true to yourself and then there's Knowing What's What in front of the judges. Emilio clearly knows What's What.

Picture 18 

Anthony. As soon as my husband and I saw this, we declared it the winner. This screams Heidi Klum, top to sky-high hem. The color is perfect for a spring magazine issue and the detailing is interesting without being anything too crazy or distracting. I was starting to write Anthony off as a personality bigger than his skills, but he nailed this challenge.

Picture 11 

Ben! As soon as we saw this one, we said it was the one that SHOULD win, but wouldn't. The colors! I love these colors. And these fabrics. And the styling. I love it. Want it. Maybe not the belt. I dunno. It's growing on me. At one point Ben had some very bright pink in there that he smartly edited out. Heidi, of course, prefers to show a lot more skin than this, so I knew we were looking at our second-place dress. Ben has been churning out solid looks every week so far, though a little heavy-handed on the comic-book-superhero inspirations, but now I'm putting him up there with Emilio as One To Watch Out For. Of course, he isn't showing himself to be particularly chatty or bitchy or...much of anything on camera, so who knows if his talent will outlast the producer monkeys. 

And now, here comes the ass...

Picture 13 

Janeane. Her "bridal" worries were dead on. Awful! So many seams, and yet the thing still looks sacky and unfitted around her middle. The color is drabby drab, and I wonder why she didn't think to maybe reverse the color scheme? The whole thing isn't great, but she may have skated through in the middle if she'd made the dress that blue color and trimmed it with the cream. Again, she had MOUNDS of colored fabric at Mood. Maybe she saw how much blue and turquoise was already going out this challenge and over-course-corrected? Whatever the reason: pfffffffft on the bad bridesmaid dress.

Picture 15

Mila. Again with these colors? Have these people ever SEEN a magazine? And to top it all off, this was terribly, terribly made.  (I would also like to send Maya to time out for bad design and color choice...she was lucky that the judges didn't decide to to a Bottom Four this week.) 

Picture 17 

But our loser this week is poor little scrunchy-face Anna. This outfit is just...sad to me. Blah and bland and sort of limp. The top is...kinda pretty, but you forget about it as soon as you look away and ooh look at all the baked goods on the cover of Paula Deen's magazine! Mmmmmcarbs. Anyway, this is Anna's second time in the bottom and Nina is clearly bored to death of Anna's meek little pretty things, so she's auf'd.

(By the way, the final Bryant Park collections debuted this morning, along with -- so I hear -- plenty o' decoys. I am undecided about whether to peek at them or not. I already spotted one adjective on Twitter that immediately made me think of one particular designer and I'm not sure how I feel about that maybe-spoiler and LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU LA LA LA LA.)

(Correction: Everyone still on the show presented a collection this morning.TRICKY!)







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Comments

Jgamma

You are right, Mary or Mari, but Mareeeeee is spelled Marie.

Suzy Q

Welcome back, Amy! I was hoping that lounging around in the Bahamas for a week wouldn't completely leave you snarkless.

This week's show was so bleh. And, I didn't like Anthony's dress at all. But, then again, I'm not Heidi nor will I ever have to wear it on the cover of Marie/Mary Claire magazine.

mommaruthsays

I've always pronouned it Ma-rie Claire. I thought Heidi was the only spastard that called it Mary Claire???

Plus, it took me forever to call Louis Vuitton "Louie" - I like in tobacco field Virginia. I had never heard of a Looey Vooton.

Sarah

Well, thankfully I'm pretty sure Heidi already gave birth. So she will be zero months pregnant by April :).

Jamie

I heard (via tweets from @projectrungay) that Mya did not show at Bryant Park. She's still on PR as of this week so I'm confused.

funda62

Mila cannot sew this kind of seam, why did she do it again? I'm happy with the results this week and was literally screaming at my screen, "I hope that takes you down a notch or two!" Why do I dislike Mila so much?

Heidi

I'm so glad you brought up the Mary/Marie Claire thing. Heidi confused me every week, but then everyone started saying it this week. What. Ever.

As for Versace, though - I always thought it was Ver-sah-chee???? Don't tell me I was wrong on that one too! I'll never sleep again!!!

mouthy_broad

the hairstyling on the models has been really bothering me. the poofy afro thing on ben's model has to go.

frankly, i think only anthony did anything that looked like april/springtime. i loved ben's outfit but it wasn't very springy to me. and emilio's dress i just didn't like. it was a boob minimizer. terrible.

i don't remember any previous "runner up" on a challenge expecting someone to congratulate them. and this show has had some real egomaniacs. mila is special. this does not bode well.




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