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The Cyrus Virus: Your Children Are Already Infected

Noah-emily-bathing-beauties6Whuuu?  I'm sorry.  I could have sworn you said something about a line of lingerie for children.  But you couldn't have possibly said that.  You must have said, "arresting people for developing a line of lingerie for children" or "boiling people for making a line of lingerie for children".  Because if you said you're using your daughter to promote a line of lingerie for children,  I'd have to ask that you be removed from the planet.  I've made this request before, but now I must insist.

Seriously?  There are some things in life you should never mix.  For example: Chainsaws and PCP.  Most don't need to be told this, but you have your morons out there and that's why it's imperative to clearly address the chainsaw thing on PCP warning labels and vice versa.

Speaking of  warning labels, little girls should have one that say, Mommy and Daddy: Please don't dress me like a Dutch hooker.


The Emily Grace Collection is produced by a company with really horrible ideas called Ooh!! La, La! Couture. You can tell they have horrible ideas based solely on their company's name. And their latest was to develop a line of children's wear reminiscent of Madonna's Truth or Dare days (ahhh... the memories).

Actress Emily Grace Reaves and 9 year old Noah Cyrus (spawn of line-dancing inducer Billy Ray Cyrus and who also played a background dancer in her older sister's 2009 film Oh My God My Eyes Are Bleeding) are the faces of this nightmare.  

1strippernoahIsn't it enough, Billy Ray, that Miley Cyrus is the apple of every 9 year old girl's eye?  That I can't be in the same room with my niece without wanting to scream through my pores?  I guess not, because now you would also like my lovely niece to dress like a bowling alley prostitute, in addition to having made me literally want to tear my ears off since the early nineties.

Let me make this clear, Billy Ray. Your 9 year old daughter should not be wearing that shit. And you know what?  Unless someone with a sense of decency and logic stops this train-wreck, my niece will be asking for this crap very soon.  And  the day she starts requesting to dress like a Bunny Ranch employee, I'm going to get a t-shirt that says "I hate Billy Ray" and wear it every day.  Ok, a different one.  With a bigger picture of you on the back.  And flashing lights.  And a horn.  And the fanciest "I hate Billy Ray" pants this world has ever seen.  Way better than my current pair.

Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I think 9 year old girls should have pig-tails and below-the-knee dresses.  I don't think they should look like opening scenes from Girls Gone Wild videos or hang out anywhere near stripper poles, much less take group photos grinding against one. 

The decision to use Emily Grace Reaves (Cindy Lou in Miley's 2009 movie Please God help Me Escape This Nightmare) and Noah Cyrus as the poster-children for this mess was likely based on their parents' decision to allow them to dress like my whorish ex-girlfriend (I want my Pearl Jam shirt back, asshole).  They're little girls.  A 9 year old wearing low-cut shirts, skimpy dresses and mini-skirts is some kind of freakish, Twilight Zone concept to me. It's sickening and backwards.

What really pisses me off is Noah's likeness can be used to sell ANYTHING, and God knows it will be.  I'm pretty sure I saw Hannah Montana ass cream in the store the other day (I'm not switching). You can say "no" every once in awhile.  Sometimes (if you're human and not some freaky country music demon) you have to say "no", or you'll just end up looking like a greedy douchebag with parental judgment that borders insanity.

(As I'm writing this post, a commercial just aired for Hannah Montana furniture. True Story. The end is near.) 

The company's press release describes the Emily Grace Collection as "versatile styles that can be worn with sweet ballerina slippers, funky sneakers or paired with lace stockings and boots for more of a rock and roll look." That's probably because "Make your daughter look like an Atlantic City night-walker" was trademarked by the children's pageant psychos.  

Part of the proceeds will go to Lollipops and Rainbows, Reaves' charity. Or, you could go give directly to the charity and not wrap your child in sex.


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i am scared for our future.

"have to ask that you be removed from the planet." thank you.

katie | motherbumper

I'm sorry my eyes and brain are bleeding after reading this story, rendering me unable to comment on this post without screaming 'I'M GONNA CALL CPS NOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW'.

She's a child and they are marketing to children. Lingerie and children just don't mix.

Fawn Amber

OMG....I want to collect these asshats and burn them at the stake. Just disgusting.


"...Hannah Montana ass cream...(I'm not switching).
I just spit out my diet coke - and I love me some diet coke. That is HI-larious. I don't have kids and have (mercifully) avoided all things Hannah. But "the Cyrus" cannot be escaped - at least not in this world.

Jen O.

There is nothing about this that is ok. Why would someone think this is a good idea? I can't even compose a sentence that encompasses how wrong/stupid/offensive this whole "children's lingerie" business is. Just one more reason to seal my girls into their rooms for the rest of eternity (with food and water, of course).

Apryl's Antics

I think something happened to Billy Ray after they removed his "Joe Dirt" wig---like maybe they took his brain and replaced it with pudding.

Allison Zapata

holy fuck. sick shit.


While the line of crazy tutu's is in the works, I guess, Annie Dugourd of Oooh La La Couture tells CNBC that Noah is not designing a line of lingerie for kids. In the interview, Annie says, "It's been devastating for our little company. We're two stay-at-home moms who make tutu dresses. We would never do anything inappropriate."

Just clearing that up.

Not that I agree with all the crazy things Noah Cyrus has already been caught on camera doing... but at least she's not promoting lingerie to pre-teens.


a man who had a picture of a little girl in lingerie would be arrested.


I'm horrified by the news itself, but at the same time profoundly entertained. Such is the magic of MamaPop.


Even if it's not lingerie and just tutu dresses, the kiddos in that pic are still hanging off of what looks like a stripper pole. Soooo, I would still say that Annie Dugourd's idea of what is inappropriate vs. what is *my* idea of inappropriate are still very very different.


@Holly I think this is where I fall on this issue.  In the interest of fairness, I took the liberty of viewing the Ooh!! La, La! Couture collection and, in my opinion, 9 year old girls should not be wearing those clothes. Additionally, they link directly from their press release page to several pictures and a video of Noah wearing outfits children shouldn't wear.


Thanks for your comments everyone! Billy Ray Cyrus is evil.


I was just coming to say that Holly. If that's supposed to be suggestive of a stripper pole, what's the explanation? Fireman pole? I think not.


Okay, I'm all about the snark, but a little fact checking goes a long way. The collection is tutu dresses, not lingerie. In fact, if you look at most of Ooh La La's stuff, they mostly are made to wear with pants underneath, so yeah. Not slutty. Also, the picture above is of the girls in bathing suits at a pool party. Okay, my kid would have gone in a cover up, but pool party! And as for the "stripper pole," I guess you guys better call child services, because I have seven of those in my basement. They hold up the ceiling. They look just like that and just like anything like that, my kids gravitate toward them. Those kids appear to be leaning and hanging (something I'm afraid to let my kids do because of the ceiling falling thing) but I didn't see any "grinding." I guess it's perspective.

By the way, I love you more than my luggage. I'm just sayin'

Apryl's Antics

I guess because they're just "two stay-at-home moms trying to make tutu dresses", we should forgive the stripper pole and fishnet stocking marketing efforts. After all, if you're going to compete with the big boys in the fashion business, you need a niche rather than a moral compass.

Julie @ The Mom Slant

I'm pretty sure even my 7yo realizes this shit is inappropriate.



Apryl's Antics

Anony, I can give you some leeway on the use of the word "lingerie" and that the girls were attending a "pool party" in the photo with the swimsuits. Maybe the pic of Noah Cyrus' vampire/dominatrix Halloween costume would have been a better choice. But the pole? I'm not buying the whole we're-shooting-this-in-a-basement-so-there's-no-way-*not*-to-have-a-pole-in-the-picture concept.


Dude. Let's sharpen our stakes and go Cyrus Hunting tonight.


@Anon I probably love you, too. Here's the thing. These are adult clothes typically seen on young, ADULT celebrities. They've simply been miniaturized and put on little girls. I'll say again, the company's own website prominently displays the girls in outfits that, quite simply, 9 year old girls should not wear. Furthermore, the pictures they're using to promote their product are not showing young girls in tutus and sweatpants, rather a "slutu" and fishnet or skin.

Believe me, I checked my facts. I'm aware that the company makes what they call "tutus". To me, they look very similar to what Madonna or Cyndi Lauper used to wear as they danced and sang "Like A Virgin" or "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun".

And yes, I'm glad you pointed out that you also would have covered up your children a little more, even for a pool party.

To deny that they are trying to make miniature sex symbols here is being blind to something very sinister and exemplifies the chaos in which we live.

The smallest girl in the stripper pole photo is straddling the stripper pole, a classic stripper move that I've never seen before, but have read about in books. Notice how she appears to have just descended. That's a grindin' and a slidin'.

And dude, the basement thing? Please. That's a stage with a stripper pole sticking out of it. If you have 7 of those in your basement then I am calling CPS.

Boo ya! You so walked into that one. Hopefully you still love me, because seriously, I love you. Probably. Who are you? I must know. I'll find you, dammit.


Okay, so after writing the great-American-novel on the last post, I'm just going to say...these people are WAY WORSE than the Duggars.


Hey, if Dora can hawk perfume*, appropriate attire is needed, no?

*The names of the fragrances are "Adorable" and "Starry Night". What, with notes of milk and cookies? Bah.

Can't keep my mouth shut

This, in my opine, is really the next thing to child porn, and is so wrong. And no, I don't think that was a basement support pole.

I really don't see how this can be okay. For heaven sakes, Australia is banning small-breasted women in porn because they resemble underage girls and OMG it's child porn! I kid you not. and they market lingerie for children? what part of this is not wrong?


Of course I still love you!! Let me clarify a little. I'm not saying it is a basement pole or not a stripper pole, but it certainly wasn't what came to my mind. Maybe I'm sheltered. And I don't think the clothes are entirely appropriate. I don't think that they are any less appropriate than what Justice or Gap for Kids or whatever peddle every day. I do think it's a little unfair to call this "lingerie." If you think that the skirts are too short and that fishnets are evil, that's fine. Frankly, I agree with you, but calling it something that it's not doesn't help your case.

Maybe they are trying to turn kids into sex symbols and that's wrong. But I challenge you to explain to me how what they are doing is worse than Babies R Us selling string bikinis beginning in a 18 months or when department stores stuff training bras on their displays to better sell halter tops for the size 4-7 crowd. What about plastering High School Musical all over clothes marketed at preschoolers? I don't think the problem is Noah Cyrus or Billy Ray or Disney or Ooh La La. I think the problem is our society. We're far more interested in attacking one man for being a bad parent than we are for dealing with a larger societal issue. One that we are not going to solve by finger pointing.

And, yes, you probably will figure out who I am, but dammit, if this ends up being mocked mercilessly as a comment of the week, I don't want everyone to know it's me. Because I'm a wussy and I'm totally exploiting the anonymous nature of the internet to protect my extreme wussiness.


@Anon You're absolutely right. It is a larger problem than the evil Cyrus gene. They're just helping perpetuate the madness. My sister made a great point: 16 year old girls don't idolize Hanna Montana, 9 year old girls do. It's the little girls that want to be like Hannah Montana. It wasn't long ago she did a dance on a stripper pole.

The Cyrus' are in every household with a little girl, and have thrust themselves into the forefront of this issue. Their ability to market to your children far exceeds that of "Gap for Kids" or "Babies R Us". Those companies market to you.

I only disagree with you in that the Cyrus virus is a very large part of the problem, as they are in a better position than anyone to have an influence on your little girl. And having their 9 year old dance around in a low-cut dress that says "Ramones". Really? Why would a 9 year old wear a low cut anything? Ewwwwwwww!

I do see what you're saying, though and I appreciate it.


Is anyone else bothered by the extra set of legs in this picture that don't belong to anyone? No? Just me, then? Alrighty!

It looks to me like they extended the pink tutu by adding extra legs, to cover the bottom half of the girl who's straddling the stripper pole.

Am I nuts? Please tell me you see it, too!


Neither photo has anything to do with the line of TUTU DRESSES from the Emily Grace Collection. If you go to their website, you can see they are perfectly innocent little dresses. It is terrible that this writer pulled up 2 old unrelated photos to beat up these little girls and spread lies. They are NOT making lingerie, even Perez Hilton admitted that they are just tutus! This writer is a moron who doesn't know how to do a little research.


@kitty you should try reading my follow up comments. Perfectly innocent? You're insane. The pictures I used were to show the reason these girls were chosen was based on their parents' decision to dress them like 20 year olds.  I saw the website, saw the line and I disagree that they're appropriate. Also, several news outlets were reporting this as a line of "lingerie", one of which I linked to. If we have a difference of opinion (mine being that 9 yr olds shouldn't dress like Cher), then that's fine. But don't accuse me of not doing my research.  It just makes you look like the moron. Go back and look at the company's press release page and the photos they link to.  Little girls in low-cut dresses and caked in make-up.  If you think that's okay, you're absolutely part of the problem. Thanks for stopping by. Why are all my haters named kitty or bunny?


I have to state upfront that I had never seen pictures of Noah or Emily Grace before today -- and I haven't come across any fishnet or lowcut shirt pictures of them -- so I can't comment on whether or not their parents dress them appropriately. And I'm going to refrain from commenting on the whole beauty pageant culture. (That would be a whole 'nother rant.)

However, I've looked at the Ooh!! La, La! Couture site and I really don't see the issue. Has the world really become a place where little girls can't be little girls without there being some terrible undercurrent of abuse? Had these dresses been available when I was little, I'm fairly certain (a) I would have wanted one (or ten) and (b) my parents would have let me. Heck, the only reason I stuck it out at ballet as long as I did was because I got to wear leotards and tutus -- a tutu that I could wear outside of ballet school would have been heaven. Think about the clothes that girls wore in the 60s and early 70s -- hot pants and mini skirts for all ages, including nine-year-olds. Appropriate? Probably not if you think these tutu dresses are inappropriate, but they didn't seem a problem back then.

I realize it was a different world back then, but girls are still girls, and most girly girls throughout the ages have immediately gravitated towards anything frilly and pretty or things that are mini versions of the clothes the big girls wear. That people look at these tutu dresses and only see "slutty" says so much about today's society and about the damage that people like Madonna have done to it by co-opting the kind of frilly clothes that little girls dream of and turning them into clothes for adults. I'm a little sad at the loss of innocence.

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