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The MamaPop Biggest Loser Challenge: Week 5

The_biggest_loser Miss Banshee continues to rock the house, leading the pack with a loss of 18 pounds. I'm nipping at her heels, down 16 pounds. And let's welcome a new face on the leaderboard... JENNIE! In third with 11 pounds. (Okay. TwoBusy's tied with her but I don't really wanna talk about Twobusy this week. Fucking TwoBusy.)

The Goliaths.

Wait. I mean. The GIANTS of WEIGHT LOSS.

No. Um.

Fuck it. You know what I mean.

Snarky Amber was the BIGGEST LOSER this week with 4.8 pounds for a total of 10.1 pounds. "I don't have any comments this week that I can share with our readers."

Forget the readers, Amber. Just sit silently on your throne of weight loss. Raise your chin. Sneer. Scoff. Laugh defiantly at your lowly competitors. We're not worthy of your words. Just your snarky scorn, little Amber. Your snarky scorn.

Miss Banshee lost 3 pounds for a total of 18 pounds. "I didn't go shopping before the storm hit, so I've been living on energy drinks and soup. I'm a responsible adult. Starting to become concerned that crack cocaine content in Monster Energy LoCarb may put me back in rehab. Also, I dunno if it's the weather or what, but I have had ZERO motivation to work out. Luckily, my starvation during the damn snow evened that shit out."

Can Miss Banshee be stopped? Every week, I think "I've got you this week, Banshee. You'll be sorry you ever tussled with the likes of Black Hockey Jesus, you cat loving wench." But every single week, she brings it. And even though I just jokingly called her a wench, my hat is off to her (but next week I'll get you).

The 2 Pound Club

Jennie lost 2 pounds for a total of 11 pounds. "It was my son's first birthday this past week and I celebrated with cupcakes and cake balls and candy and wine. Lots of wine. So....I'm not that unhappy with the 2 pounds this week."

Jennie is the Queen of The 2 Pound Club. She is consistent and she is, without fail, good for 2 pounds. Cupcakes. Wine. 2 pounds. Keep it up, Jennie.

BHJ lost 2 pounds for a total of 16 pounds. In spite of the fact that today's weigh in registered me at 204, I touched a milestone this week. Sunday morning, I saw 199.6 pounds, lower than 200 for the first time in 5 years. I was stoked. My weight always swoops way down after my Saturday long run and then slowly creeps up - it's a crazy weight pendulum and it's hard to keep the faith when it steadily rises. But whatever. Body fat percentage is down to 17%. Eating well, except for some delicious chow mein last night, which is another good way to jump back to 204.

The 1-1.5 Pound Club

Sweatpants Mom lost 1.5 pounds for a total of 5.5 pounds. "I haven't been doing anything except working myself to the bone. I've been eating crap and haven't exercised. One thing I am doing -- don't laugh -- is drinking this crazy water from the Flat Belly Diet. It's got fresh mint, grated ginger, sliced cucumber and sliced lemon and I drink a ton of it every day and it really has gotten rid of the bloating. Perhaps it's MAGIC."

Eating crap, not exercising, and drinking magic water. This is exactly why MamaPop is a fun place to work, write, laugh, and develop fit and healthy lives.

Kurt lost 1 pound for a total of 4 pounds. "I'm also doing stretches in hopes that growing taller than 6' 1" will somehow fix my BMI. My greatest challenge this week was my daughter, who when she was 4 and heard we were having a Super Bowl party asked "There will be cupcakes,right? Because all parties should have cupcakes." Tradition was thusly instituted and we've made cupcakes for the Super Bowl ever since. Also sugar is my comfort food. C'mere, frosting."

I hate to go all Jillian on you, Kurt, but getting your daughter some cupcakes for the Super Bowl doesn't mean YOU have to eat 3 cupcakes during the Super Bowl. If I followed my 5-year-old daughter's diet, my blood sugar would be a rollercoaster and I'd be hulk smashing skulls and then the restraining orders and dividing everything up. Sugar's as bad as booze, dude. I'm only telling you this because I love you and I think your daughter's a bad influence. If your daughter jumped off a bridge, would you?

Schmutzie lost 1 pound for a total of 9 pounds."I've still cut way down on the beer, but I ate chinese takeout, ripple chips with dip, and a Dairy Queen sundae, and an A&W mozza burger, because February makes me want to succumb to an early death. That I even lost a pound is shocking. I'm still monkeying up and down shoe store stock shelves and walking to work, so maybe that takes more out of me than I thought."

Have you noticed that a lot of MamaPoppers pretty much eat whatever the fuck they want and still drop a pound? I think the deal is that MamaPop is really one big mind that insists on fitness and health and will not be deterred by normal snares like eating junk and not working out. We're a runaway train of weight loss that can't be stopped. It's pretty cool.

Palinode lost 1 pound for a total of 7 pounds. "No exercise. I blazed through this week on a glorious acetylene tail of booze, chips, Chinese take-out and cab rides.  On the other hand, I had a salad yesterday.  Coming up for this week: a push to drop that last three pounds."

I swear to God that Palinode loses a pound per week but he always makes his total 7. Last week, I added his pound to 7 from the week before and gave him 8, but this week he claimed another pound and then gave a total of 7, again. So Palinode lives in some goofy world where all numbers add up to 7. That's what makes him interesting. Seriously. Have you ever talked to him? He's an interesting dude. Very nice. And yet, not sure if you want to turn your back on him, you know? He creates an atmosphere of complexity.

The Half Pound Club

Jodi lost .5 pound for a total of 4 pounds. "Well, we lost power for 3 days and I couldn't work out at all and I could only eat crap canned or boxed food, so I'm kind of shocked I lost anything to be frank.  I think all that shivering is exercise."

Shoveling your roof makes for good cardio. Gotta stay creative to avoid burnout.

Karen Sugarpants lost .5 pound for a total of 6 pounds. "I'm trying my best.  Lots of stress here still. Stress and coffee."

Karen also requested the Palinode's lentil soup recipe, which, some of you may remember, caused Schmutzie to poop 9 pounds. Maybe we can get that recipe posted on the site here. Palinode? We're all kind of interested in pooping 9 pounds. 

Outnumbered lost .5 pound for a total of 8 pounds. "I'm just happy to be alive. I've been getting home at 1am every night, binge eating and not exercising. It's been a really stressful week and I don't feel very pretty right now. I was really angry with myself for gaining weight last week and I look at this week as a small victory. Next week, I'll be on a beach in Jamaica, eating cheeseburgers for breakfast... So who knows."

The beach is also good for running down, Jason. We're happy you're alive, too. Again, binge eating and not exercising and a half pound lost. MamaPop is magic. We need to start our own magic weight loss ranch where all you do is talk shit about celebrities while the weight melts off.

The 0 to +4 Club

Mayopie lost 0 pounds, while gaining 0 pounds, for a total of 7 pounds lost. "I was deeply saddened by my friends being snowed in and ate accordingly. Also, Jason's been working a lot and we don't get to spend as much time together as we used to. He says it's temporary. We'll see. Heard that one before. Right, ladies?
However, I did formulate a plan for the shedding of my final 3 pounds. It includes exercise and healthy food, rather than starvation proceeded by binging on wonderful, cheesy and chocolatey things. I'm a little nervous and concerned for my health, but it's worth a shot."

I don't know, Mayopie. I liked your original approach. It felt revolutionary. I mean. You can probably lose your last 3 pounds like everyone else, but then your weight loss would be, you know, just like everyone else's. When you look in the mirror, who'll look back at you? Mayopie? Or everyone else? I wanna see you tweak the Survivor Diet. Eat dirt. Eat every other day. Keeps it realz.

Sarah gained .5 pound, bringing her total weight lost to 4.5 pounds. "I am okay with it since I have been working out every day.I blame the blizzards and the wine. And the Super Bowl."

We're okay with it too, Sarah. It's not like you GAINED FOUR (4) POUNDS (see below).

Amalah gained 3 pounds, bringing her total weight lost to 1 pound. "So, technically, when I weighed myself immediately post vacation, I was up SIX FUCKING POUNDS. Seven days of pure, unadulterated gluttony and booze will do that to you, even though I *did* try to do a lot of actual swimming and kayaking and stuff. So I've dropped half of the vacation weight, but am once again depressingly far off from my goal. Which, if my vacation photos are to believed, should probably get bumped from 10 pounds to 15 or 20. YIKES."

Glad to have you back, Amalah, and nice recovery. You're still down a pound and this is a good place to point out that, in spite of some slips and gains, EVERY SINGLE PERSON who started this competition weighs less than when they started 5 weeks ago, which is a big win, and worthy of a pause for applause.

Clap Clap Clap.

Okay, stop clapping. It's time for TwoBusy.

TwoBusy gained 4 pounds, bringing his total weight lost to 11 pounds. "It was my birthday last weekend. so I ate like a king and had a blast doing it -- although I certainly paid the price on the scale this morning. Fortunately, I'm pretty sure I don't have any more birthdays between now and our April finale -- so hopefully this'll be my last (significant) backslide. Whatever. It's a marathon, right?"

Um, yeah, TwoBusy? My birthday was January 28th and it was the first time in 38 years that I didn't have a piece of cake. But no, seriously, 11 pounds is awesome and there's plenty of time to turn those gains around.

You guys ALL inspire me.

Motherbumper was the first to reach her goal last week and she maintained it. Her total's still 10. Didn't hear from Kelly so I'll keep her 6.5 pounds from last week.

Week 5 brings our total weight loss to:

750px-US_138.svg 138.6.

FUCKING OUCCCCCCCH!

For the first week in the contest, our collective weight loss lost a little ground.

Last week we were at 141.3, meaning we collectively gained 2.7 pounds.

In order to hit our goal of 317, we now have 8 weeks to shave off 178.4 pounds.

Has MamaPop lost its mojo? Will Miss Banshee continue to dominate? Will Outnumbered kill us with Jamaican Breakfast Cheeseburgers?

As enthusiasm drops and commitment wavers, I'm getting nervous. Tune in next week to see if MamaPop rights their ship.

*

Speaking of a loss of enthusiasm, how are you doing? When this contest started, there was an avalanche of comments and now? Crickets. What have you done todayyyyyy to make you feeeeeeel proud? (it's never too late to try.)







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Comments

TwoBusy

*hanging head in shame*

Amalah

I do not like the cone of shame.

jodifur

We paid someone to shovel our roof. True story. It is the only way to handle a roof leak in a blizzard. I did not think of the cardio benefits of that. I only thought of the death trap of that.

samantha jo campen

Damn you're hilarious.

Uh, last night I ate 12 Keebler fudge sticks. Today I have not. So that makes me happy.

steff

i can tell you what DIDN'T make me feel proud. as i was reading this i was eating a "pre lunch hour" sloppy joe. for a positive spin, i may spend my actual lunch hour doing something a little more healthful now that i know what great progress everyone has been making.

or just napping in my car.

keep up the good work!

Jen O.

While it wasn't really a goal of mine, I have lost 2 pounds this week. My secret? Stress-induced anorexia. Well, if you don't count cinnamon buns and chocolate bars. Healthy Food Anorexia. New term. Just made it up.

MayoPie

Color me inspired. The Survivor Diet lives on.

Jennie

Yeah, Miss Banshee is like an unstoppable force. And I think I need to make shirts with The Two-Pound Club bedazzled on them.

Samantha

Reading this slightly hungover from too many glasses of wine with hubby last night. But going to drag my sorry butt to the gym this afternoon to work out. Vacation to Hawaii looming over my head and still need to lose 15 pounds in 9 weeks. But lent starts this weekend, so with the help of the Almighty I might could do this.

Karen Sugarpants

Lentil Soup FTW! I'm SOOOO gonna rule next week. It's been BROUGHTEN, BANSHEE.

Miss Banshee

Bring it, Sugarpants.

Suzy Q

I only started playing along a couple of weeks ago, but I've lost 4.5 pounds. If I could stop drinking wine like a homeless alkie, maybe it would've been more. Also, I dance in the shower. That's a complete workout, right?

Jamie

I have maintained my weight during the first 10 weeks of this pregnancy. Yeah me! My goal is to not gain a pound during the first trimester. 3 more weeks!

Samantha

BHJ - You're losing water weight. Sweating, heavy breathing etc during the run, then rehydrating and gaining the weight back over the next 2 days or so. You should be drinking more fluids w/ electrolytes (gatorade or propel or whatever) to rehydrate. Sorry it's not all fat, but you'll get there.

Katie

HAPPY BIRTHDAYS TwoBusy and BHJ!! I reckon there is no better reason to eat cake than to celebrate a birthday and if you don't mind, I will now go celebrate yours!!

frauleinfurioso

I frickin' love MamaPop. You're all awesome - keep up the good work!




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