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Blind Item Revealed: Real Housewives Kim Zolciak Comes Out of the Closet

Kim zolciak and tracy youngIt strikes me that The Real Housewives are neither "real" nor "housewives," and I guess that's why I'm not a fan of the show.  For me, a "real housewife" isn't a plastic woman bedecked with jewels and enormous fake breasts, but that's just me. I grew up in a trailer park, where "real housewives" were women in curlers and robes smoking Virginia Slims while they figured out how to pay the month's bills. That I'm no fan of the show is of no significance, though, because my preferred television programming includes mostly crime and addiction documentaries. I'm certainly not one to throw stones at birds or glass houses.  Or whatever.  I loves me a good blind item, though, so when I discovered the following CDAN blind had been revealed, I squeed with glee.  Even though, you know, I don't really know who these people are.  STILL.  A reveal is a reveal.

The blind:

This Real Housewife who is not currently married but had an intriguing heterosexual relationship on the show is gay.

US Weekly broke the story, revealing that Kim Zolciak (birth name: Kimberleigh M. Zolciak - I know) has been dating DJ Tracy Young for three months, and that they were seen publicly at the Blacks' Annual Gala in Miami Beach on Saturday.  According to the mag, Young was overheard excitedly talking about how happy they are together.  There's a rumor that Zolciak's sexuality will be a big part of the The Real Housewives storyline.

Kim Zolciak and Girlfriend

All right, so I don't know who they are.  As Fred Armisen's Joy Behar would say, "Sowhatwhocares?"  It's gossip, and even though it doesn't mean anything to me personally, it seems to be a popular enough show.  It's news to some folks, like it would be for me if, say, Candy Finnegan were getting humpy with Jeff VanVonderen.  Now that would get my ass perked up right quick.  But I digress.

What I find most fascinating about the news is not Zolciak's sexuality, however. The jaw-dropper for me is that this bitch is 31 years old.  It seems a wee bit of a stretch. This ho has more plastic on her body than a Mattel factory. 

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised - Heidi Montag is 23 and seems to have surgically enhanced her entire body (although the one surgery I wish she would have is apparently not on the radar, as that prolapsed anus tumor she affectionately refers to as "Spencer" is still by her side), but it just seems to me that a gal so young wouldn't think she needs to shove chicken cutlets into her face and inflate her lips to the size of inner tubes.

So, is this a publicity stunt?  Who knows.  A source tells US, "Tracy broke up with her longtime girlfriend to be with Kim. Since they've been together, Tracy lost a lot of weight and got really skinny for Kim. They seem to be beyond happy with each other."  

Wait.  She got really skinny for Kim?  It must be serious.  This seems like it's going to turn out well, no?  I've got a good feeling about these two.


. . .

Anastacia "Jurgen Nation" Campbell kindly suggests you not Google "prolapsed anus."

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Deb Rox

That makes Kim two steps removed from Lindsay Lohan via the Dyke DJ Connection. Scratching vinyl back and forth rapidly really shows straight girls what they've been missing, I tell ya.


If she is 31 then I came out of the womb last week.


Deb, I just choked on my red bull. You? Are awesome.

April, I KNOW! Me too. And we'd still have our umbilical cords.


Bossy thought Kim was a man, so this news pales in comparison.


Spencer = prolapsed anal tumor.

*laughs, chokes on tongue, dies*

Jurgen Nation

Bossy, I was looking online for photos of her and WOW. She'd be voted off Ru Paul's Drag Race in like three seconds for being too obvi.


Do you believe it?? Check out this exclusive Kim and Tracy Interview


Tracy Lynn

I'm actually more impressed with the idea that her girlfriend lost 'a lot of weight' in the few months they have been together. Do you think it may be that every time she wakes up the realization of who she slept with makes her hurl?


Holy Jesus, T.  That is an EXCELLENT point.  She can't keep anything down!

Washington "Tazo Shaken Tall Iced Passion" Cube

I wonder if they drink Rock Star? My manicurist told me about it last week. Apparently all the girls in the shop love this stuff and swill at will--especially the white can.

What this has to do with reality tv, I haven't a clue. I stopped watching any of those shows ages ago.

...except that I think the white can is sugarless so maybe that's what DJ Va Jay Jay was drinkin' to lose all of that weight...keeping it real and "what the peeps do," as it were.

I remember reading on some "culture" blog that Lohan and her then love DJ Sam said to each other, "Let's get "real" skinny," so is that some lesbian love thing? Cause the lesbians in D.C. look like they run moving van companies called "Hulks Will Hoist" or somethin'.


I will never believe that woman is younger than me. Ever.


"where "real housewives" were women in curlers and robes smoking Virginia Slims while they figured out how to pay the month's bills." Can I get an Amen? This real housewife goes to school full time, homeschools her two children, sews, and doesn't own a single diamond and only one pair of heals.

Jurgen Nation

Washington "Tazo Shaken Tall Iced Passion" Cube: If you find out, let me know? This bitch needs a pick-me-up cheaper than coke. ;)

Clarabella: I know, right? I'll join you in giving her the side-eye.

funda62: You can get an AMEN and a mothereffing HALLELEUJAH. That would be a reality show I could get behind, you know? I could give a fat rat's ass about some rich hos with nothing else to do. Show me a real woman who's a real mother who has real things to worry about and turn her hair grey. Coming from a single mom, I give big ups to those fantastic ladies who do everything with no help, but all moms need some appreciation. I'd rather see a real life woman ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. AND YES! I'M YELLING. *gasp, pant*


They age quick down there.


I think I sucked the air out of the room with my gasp. Kim is so much more than a hot mess, but I don't know what the phrase should be.

As Deb Rox so aptly pointed out, I immediately thought of Ms. Lohan and her DJ gal. So this is going to be part of the next season, you say? I cannot wait to hear what NeNe has to say about that.

Lastly I like the idea of adding DJ before my name. I think I want to be known as DJ Cardiogirl from now on.

Excellent blind item.

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