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David Schwimmer Engaged, Still Irrelevant

David-schwimmer_zoe_buckmanWhen I saw that David Schwimmer was getting married, do you know what my first thought was? I mean after, "Who?" Well, once I remembered who he was, what I next thought was, "is there really absolutely NOTHING going on in Miley Cyrus's life right now?" Because if David Schwimmer is making news, it must be one hell of a thin news weekend in Hollywood.

For the ten of you who care, Schwimmer, 43, is marrying 24-year old photographer Zoe Buckman, who I think is cute and I'm not going to comment on the age difference because I heard a song once that told me it age ain't nothin' but a number, and I tend to agree.

What I am going to comment on is that, while Schwimmer and Buckman met and began dating in 2007, I have it on very good authority that Schwimmer was caught ogling Miss Banshee's ass so intently at a comedy function in the NYC just last spring, he dropped his fork. Miss Banshee reports, "Zero game. Schwimmer has ZERO. GAME."


Luckily the happy couple (Schwimmer and Buckman, not Schwimmer and Banshee. Pay attention!) is currently residing in Chicago doing a stage production called Trust. Insert joke about "trust" and infidelity. However, while I don't think there's been a scientific study, I'm pretty sure New York asses are hotter than Chicago asses, because of the pizza difference, you see. Those deep-dish pies have far too much crust!

Neverthless, you better watch it, Zoe Buckman. Your man has a wandering eye and bad hand-eye coordination. Oh, and mazel tov. 


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is it just me or is there something amiss with both of their right eyes? maybe they are in love because they both have the rare talent of controlling each eye independently? like birds? it freaks me out when people are looking at me and something else at the same time. over and out.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah

Banshee's ass makes me drop silverware too.

Jen O.

"Wonk-eyes of a feather love to stick together," is what I always say.


They are going to make some interesting looking babies.

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