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Domino's "New And Improved" Pizza: Snarky Amber Investigates

The_noid Yes, I am reviewing a pizza. And this is totally relevant to pop culture (*waves to overlords*) because those friggin' Dominos commercials are incessant, commercials are pop culture, and I really don't want to write about Lindsay Lohan today. 

Let me first preface by saying I have not been paid by Domino's to write this article, nor have I been given any free pizza. However, if Domino's would like to give me money or free pizza, they should feel free to email me at snarkyamber@mamapop.com. I like pizza, and I also enjoy money. 

Now, for the four of you who read this blog but don't watch television, Domino's has recently launched a campaign wherein the acknowledge how much they used to suck. Key words: USED TO. They listened to your feedback, North America, and they responded with an improved crust, tastier sauce, and fresher and more plentiful toppings. To make sure you know about it, they will air a commercial roughly every five minutes on every station.

Here is an extended version of the ad:

In the past I have wanted nothing to do with their cardboard crusts and bland pizza sauce, but there was something about the candor of those commercials that spoke to me. See, I'm a sucker for a good redemption story. Once I placed my order, I decided to spin my dinner into an investigative report for you.

Step One: Ordering

I hate talking on the phone so much that I have made my mother resort to texting or messaging me on Facebook if she wants to know what's going on in my life. So until recently, the only appeal of Domino's Pizza was their online ordering system, purported by many to be the shizznizzle. I had no idea how much so until I finished placing my order. See, not only does the Domino's site let you build your pizza on the screen but, once you've submitted your order, they let you track it with Pizza Tracker. If you're bored or suffer from OCD, you can watch your screen as a little bar lights up to indicate the precise moment your order is prepared, put into the oven, and sent out for delivery.

Picture 2
Our order: one 10-piece order of buffalo hot wings with blue cheese dipping sauce; one large, thin crust pizza, with no cheese on one half (dairy allergy) and light cheese on the other half, topped with roasted red peppers, sausage, onions and garlic.

Step 2: Waiting

Thanks to Pizza Tracker, I got to see precisely how long it took from the time I submitted my order to the knock at my door. "Jessica" began my order within milliseconds of my final click, and within 3 minutes, my food was in the oven. After the oven, there is a quality control check, and after just 10 minutes of prep time, "Sean" was out the door with my pizza. However, it took him about three times longer to get here than it should have. Nevertheless, within 27 minutes, I had pizza.

Step 3: Eating

Because "Sean" felt the need to stop to smoke a bowl or go pick up some forties or whatever before delivering my pizza and wings, they could have been hotter. Temperature issues aside, the pizza crust actually had a flavor, in addition to a fantastic texture. The sauce was flavorful and well seasoned. The toppings tasted fresh rather than prepackaged, and I learned that roasted red peppers on pizza are the fucking jam. I did have one beef with the pizza: Jessica didn't take very much care to make the cuts so that one half of the pizza had cheese and the other half did not. That was kinda lame, Jessica. Pizza: B

The wings? Sucked. The overly vinegary buffalo sauce was doused on as an afterthought, rather than being cooked into the wings. My "blue cheese dipping sauce" was, in actuality, ranch dressing. I have a big problem with this. Wings: C-

Overall experience: B+. Because, seriously. ONLINE ORDERING. PIZZA TRACKER.

In conclusion, Domino's Pizza does seem to be better, but I think they're really missing an opportunity by not leading with this Pizza Tracker thing in their ads. Honestly, even if the pizza still tasted like ass, I would order it again just to use their online ordering system and obsessively monitor my pizza's progress while delivering status updates on said pizza to Miss Banshee via instant messenger.

Do you have a pizza delivery experience to share? Tell me about it at MamaPop's new community page: Click Here for Sparkle Motion!

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Ok, we got suckered into ordering Domino's a couple of weeks ago because of those ads too. We like Papa Johns or Costco pizza. (I don't think I have eaten Domino's since the late '80s.)

I called in the order on my cell phone (so 2000 and late), was put on hold for like 10 minutes. Walked in to pick it up and had to wait a LONG time. There were approximately 40 people working back there but it still took forever.

We didn't like the pizza. The sauce was kind of bitter or too acidic, and the crust was too crusty-- too dry or something? I guess I like my crust kind of soft and pillowy.

We won't be getting Domino's anymore.

cindy w

We tried the pizza, and haaaated it. That crust was some serious garlic overload, I needed a new tongue after eating it. Bleah. I even asked the Twitter Domino's person about that whole "money-back guarantee" deal because we threw out the remaining half of the pizza, and surprisingly, never heard an answer from them. (They don't tell you how to get your money back on the website, either.) Grade: F-

P.S. Papa John's has a good online ordering system. It doesn't have the "tracking" status bar, but they have yet to screw up my order, and the pizza is good, so that's what we're sticking with.


What a phony ad. What are the odds all those people would be dressed, made up, and their houses clean behind them?

You come to my house unannounced? I'll be dressed, but only marginally. And the house? Let's just say you aren't going to see it, because there's no way I'm opening the door wide enough to let the piles of crap fall out.


We used to be loyal to Papa John's, but the last time we ordered the sullen person taking my order put it in the computer as "pickup" and not 'delivery', even though I had her read back MY ADDRESS three times to make sure it was correct. (Our street name is weirdly spelled.) So when I called an hour later and said, Dude, where is my pizza? They said it had been sitting there for half an hour waiting for us. Oh, but we'll get a free one out to you in...uh...an hour! That's not too long to wait, is it?


Can I just chime in to say that Domino's little stunt commercial in front of the 5th Circuit court house was total BS? This "puffery" Papa Johns was "accused" of is also known as "advertising". Every ad that makes any kind of claim is more or less engaged in puffing. Epic fail for Domino's. No wonder they've stopped airing the spot.


I agree about the garlic on the crust. I prefer old Domino's, actually; we must have had a good one. Now it just tastes like garlic salt.
Plus, Papa John's gives you garlic butter, which is like the ultimate fatassery of pizza eating. Dip your pizza in butter? Sign me up.


The pizza tracker IS cool though...


I am actually loving the new Domino's pizza--I love both the Brooklyn-style and the thin crust. Inexplicable though is why my last order took more than 35 mins to get to my door and was pretty much just warm when the branch that filled my order is just a 10-minute walk away. (And hey, I would've walked and picked it up but have young kids I can't abandon late at night.)


I think Snarky Amber Investigates should become a regular Mamapop feature column, LOVE!

Suzy Q

I'm with Bill. No fucking WAY you're getting into my house, and I would be less than marginally dressed. So, one up on Bill for that. Who answers the door when a stranger knocks, anyway?

I can't believe how so many of you actually like Papa John's. That's some of the nastiest pizza out there.

Thanks for the info, Amber. I'm glad someone took it on the chin, so to speak. Those commercials are really intriguing, but I think I'll stick with my neighborhood pizza shop.


Great article. As one of the four who don't have t.v. I appreciate the occasional viewing of an interesting/funny commercial. I love that pizza tracker thing though and when I still lived in the USA I would order one of their awesome sandwiches for myself and pepperorini pizza for the kids.


Great article. As one of the four who don't have t.v. I appreciate the occasional viewing of an interesting/funny commercial. I love that pizza tracker thing though and when I still lived in the USA I would order one of their awesome sandwiches for myself and pepperorini pizza for the kids.


Not to nitpick, but wing sauce is supposed to be added after cooking. You deep fry 'em, then you toss 'em in sauce.

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