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Gerard Butler on Jennifer Aniston: "I Trimmed Her Bush."

1gerard

I can't say I'm the biggest fan in the world of Gerard Butler. He's okay, I suppose. Though I will admit his glistening pectorals are the stuff of my truest envy. Gamer sucked. Oh, sorry. I have this syndrome where truth flies out of my fingertips at all sorts of inopportune times. We're not here to talk about your movies. We're here to talk about how you were engineered in a lab to make Brad Pitt jealous.

Many don't know this, but everything Jennifer Aniston does is just one of the many steps in the grand scheme of re-acquiring Brad Pitt from the clutches of Angelina Jolie. And now that Angelina's face is going totally weird, I believe Jen is poised to attack. Butler leaking this "bush" news is an obvious and very public throwing down of the gauntlet.


1angelinajolieface


Apparently, Jennifer and Gerard were in a movie. I think it was "Girls laugh on love beach" or something. I'm not sure. That's pretty much how I classify all romantic comedies, and I just change the setting as it fits. (A couple of examples, "Girls laugh in love city" and "Girls laugh on love mountain." I have a similar categorizing system for guy movies: "Guys laugh about drunken sex" and "Guys watch guys kill other guys." The latter comprises the majority of my personal dvd collection that sits under a pile of dust.)

Ok, just looked it up. The movie is called The Bounty Hunter and it opens on March 19th. Because it says Bounty Hunter in the title, I might give it a shot, but it's more likely I'll just read its review and only if it's written by Kurt or Two Busy.

So I guess Gerard and Jennifer really hit it off because now they're all kinds of buddies, but they would both like us all to believe they are not bumping uglies, yet that's exactly what they want us to believe. Does that make sense? Makes perfect sense to me. We all know what's going on, so let's step it up a little.

I heard Brad Pitt has a small penis. I'm just tossing it out there because it seems important.

1Gerardcovermensjournal You guys are dying to hear about this part where he said he trimmed her bush, right? Ok, fine. So impatient. This is what he told Men's Journal in an interview regarding if he and Jen were close:

“Very much so. Over Christmas, she had a tree-trimming party that I went to. Yeah, I trimmed her bush. Shit. Please don’t put that in.”

Are you kidding me? Don't put that in? How about I don't remember anything else you said? Something about anxiety bla bla bla you like acting and getting laid and bla. You said you trimmed her bush and as far as I'm concerned, you should have another bumper sticker made to add to the ones already pasted all over the back of your car and drive around in front of Brad Pitt all day. "If you can read this, I trimmed Jen's Bush."  "Shit Happens. Like Jen and I having sex on my hood."  "How's my driving... into Jen's vagina?"  You get my point.

Nothing angers an ex more knowing than another man is performing landscaping on his former's lady parts, but you know that already, don't you, Leonidas?

It was a good move, but here's where you fucked up and I'm sure Jen said something already: You mentioned the Christmas tree.  If it were me, I would have said nothing about that and let everyone's imaginations run wild. Maybe even tossed in some other innuendo like, "Jen and I? Yeah, we wax each other's bumpers, she'll come over and polish my doorknob, I go over there and clean out her pipes and sometimes we put each other's genitals in our mouths."

That's the way you stir a jealous rage, Gerard. Take a lesson from someone who knows how to do it. You're doing some good work but you need to get your head in the game. Brad will not come around all by himself. You need to "bring it" like a polaroid picture. (Did I use that right? Always wanted to. Feels right.) Jen and I are tired of picking up your slack. In your next interview, I want you to talk about how you eat sushi off her naked body and finish it all off with some fruits and creams and whatnot. This isn't a game, Gerard. This is love we're talking about here.

Fine. I'll give you a hand. If you want something done right, you just have to do it yourself.

1GenandGerard <---- Hey Brad, look at Jen and Gerard on the cover of this magazine. I'm pretty sure they just did it or are going to do it right after they're done with this photo shoot. Probably in a meadow or some other perfect place. I'm pretty sure I can hear them laughing at you while they simultaneously achieve orgasm. 







 


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Comments

Apryl's Antics

They would never make a good couple because you can't combine their names ie: Butlerston, Antler, Jarard, Gennifer. See? It doesn't work at all. I hope they are faking it, because clearly they are doomed.

Also, it's "*shake* it like a Polaroid picture", which everyone thinks is okay, but Polaroid says it's bad. They were really mad at Outkast for that. FYI

Jen O.

I was on board with Apryl when she started with "They would never make a good couple..." because then I was all "I'LL TAKE HIM OFF YOUR HANDS, JEN." and then she followed up with "because you can't combine their names..." and I was all "shit."

Mary

*Note to self: DO NOT EVER read one of Mayo's posts while on a conference call". Jesus, those bumperstickers are hysterical!!! ROFLMAO!!

JenGid

Apryl, Antler was AWESOME. Unfortunately my name is Jen too, and have to scratch him off my list.

DianaCLT

Her face looks as pained on that magazine cover as I imagine holding that position to be.

Jes

Wasn't W magazine the same one Angie and Brad did looking all retro family while Brand and Jen were married? All the while claiming nothing was happening? Well played, Jen.

Trish

Am I the only person in America who finds her boring? I feel bad admitting that but it's true.

Apryl's Antics

So, here I was thinking Antler was cool and then @LA_Paranormal tweeted to me with "Anistard". Total win! They HAVE to become a real couple now.

Muskrat

Even if I still watched movies at the theater, I wouldn't watch this one. Unless, Boba Fett makes an appearance.

natalie

I actually think they are prettier looking together than Brad and Angie

TwoBusy

My suspicion is that this movie falls under the category of "Pretty White People Not Having Sex," but I'll let you know if and when I find out for sure.

diamondcait

No, the disgustingly cute press couple name for them will be "JenGer", pronounced like, ginger. Blech. Anistard is much funnier.

DianaCLT

How has nobody suggested Jenard yet? It's easy and the paps would like it.

Miss Britt

I would just like to put it out there "Brittler" sounds juuuuust fine.

I would also settle for "Brittard", but only this once.




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