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Getting Down To Pacifics

Band_of_brothers_hbo_miniseries__1_  Tonight was the premiere of HBO's new miniseries The Pacific and unlike Band of Brothers, I did not expect this one to be a documentary about those adorable Jonas boys. Why would I watch a documentary on The Jonas Brothers? Mind your own business. The point is The Pacific looked pretty much like Saving Private Ryan except with more palm trees and Asian people and no Tom Sizemore.  So at least it's off to a good start. Having Tom Sizemore attached to a project these days is like waking up after surgery and finding you've been accidentally stitched onto the belly of a grizzly bear who hates humans and is feeling a bit peckish and also does a lot of meth.

The Pacific follows the story of three marines in their campaign to rid the ocean of lobsters. Just kidding. But what a delicious adventure THAT would be!! These three marines come from diverse backgrounds as can be expected of any story that wishes to thread together the common bond of warriors and NO! Braveheart DID NOT make me cry! He just wanted freedom at the same time I got lint in my eye. Stop looking at me! It's super-linty up in this mutha-Effer.

The cool thing about these three veterans is that by now, according to math, they are really old, and if World War II taught me anything, it's that old people are racist as shit, and they can get away with it because they repelled a Nazi horde or fought the Japanese at Guadalcanal or whatever and that equals a lifetime pass for being offensive. I'm not sure I agree with this tradition, but you can't fight the system. I hope someday we go to war against paying bills. Because I can be racist as shit against THOSE assholes.


You mean we aren't even fighting ONE lobster? 

I really liked episode one of The Pacific. It immediately sets off to differentiate itself from the other love children of Spielberg and Gump by starting in America and showing the soldiers preparing to leave for war and not getting bombed to shit on Omaha Beach. Omaha Beach is like the worst beach in the whole world. It's all full of Nazis and mortar rounds and exploding soldiers. No way could you get a good game of Ultimate going there unless the guys you play with are super-committed. By comparison, the Marines that landed on Guadalcanal, if The Pacific is to be believed as a good source for historical fact, had it easy at first because they just kinda walked on and said "What Up, yo?!" But I suspect in episode two or three some serious Japanese shit goes down, because you don't just remember a name like "Guadalcanal" if you're a sexy handsome genius like me, unless something bad happened there a long time ago, and I'm guessing that something had to do with WWII.

The other thing The Pacific does really well is show mists of blood when someone is shot. This must be new technology because the makers of The Pacific are using this effect all over the place. I was surprised when one Marine asked another to pass the ketchup that we didn't see a fine mist of it explode out of the bottle.  Pretty much anytime anyone does anything in The Pacific...POW! Blood mist!  They were maybe having a deep discount sale at the blood mist store, I bet.

So if you like people exploding but only a little and watching people you don't recognize die than you should come out to karaoke night at the Pita Pit with me this Thursday, because  Oh brother!, some  of those people can't sing at all, and YES! I'm positive "Pour Some Sugar On Me" has the phrase "Lookin' like a crap" in it. Shut up! I'm trying to do something here. 

MORAL: Go watch The Pacific. It's good.

PS: If you feel inclined to leave a comment that starts "I don't have HBO" maybe just push your chair back, take a few deep breaths, look out the window, and reconsider whether what you  are about to type needs to be said at all and if you are actually going to be adding to insightful, intelligent discourse or if you're just going to sound like a whiny, predictable boob. 

PPS: Hint: Boob.

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Jen O.

I DON'T have HBO, but I DID steal this off of the internets. I mean "secretly borrowed". I would never steal. I'll be sure to pack my finger goggles in anticipation of the blood mist. "Finger goggles" sound dirtier and dirtier the more times I say it.


Yeah, in the opening credits, when God is drawing something with a pencil – the pencil lead is cracking and misting all over the damn place. I kept thinking, what the hell type of pencil lead is this? Writing with pencils must have sucked in WWII. I think the misting pencil was the inspiration for all the misting blood. Or was it the other way around? The chicken or the egg.

I also enjoyed yelling, ‘Oh Oh, he’s a GONER’ every time someone said something poignant.

T’was a Good show.

Jen O.

I watched it last night and didn't need finger goggles at all! Yay! It helped that I watched three episodes of Spartacus Blood and Sand right beforehand, so I was a little desensitized to the blood and guts. And boobs. Boobs mean nothing to me now.

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