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Jesse James Alleged Mistress #2: She's A Feisty One (Updated: now including Mistress #3)

JusJesse Jamest when you thought you couldn't get more sick of hearing about Jesse James, we have now entered the portion of our program where we climb down the rabbit hole and see exactly how deep the Vanilla Gorilla goes.  As Tiger Woods has taught us, where there's a "Bombshell", there's likely fire.

Ok, Jesse, I'm pretty sure it's now getting to the point where everyone knows you're a dirt-bag, so I don't think I'm about to shock the world when I tell them that yet another woman is claiming to have had a torrid affair with you while you were married to Sandra Bullock. Furthermore, I doubt they'd be even the least bit surprised if I said it was a stripper. And my gut tells me that if I were to tell these good people that the woman who claims to have had a two year affair with you recently spent 20 days in jail for assaulting a police officer and resisting arrest, they'll probably all say, "that figures".

Everyone: That figures. Yes, it does.


Melissa Smith Jesse James


The good news is, Melissa Smith, the newest stripper about to achieve fame for boning someone popular assures us that she's been wrongly accused of the DUI for which she just pleaded "not guilty". The police say she blew a 1.8, she says she never blows anything that small. I don't think she understands what it means.  

Jesse, Jesse, Jesse. Don't you realize how much better off you were when everyone was expecting you to have sex with naked criminals?  It was part of your charm. Then you had to get all "civilized" and marry our sweetheart, raising our already very low expectations of you. 

You hurt me, Jesse. I thought you were one of the bad guys. Then I thought you were one of the good guys. Now I don't care.

If you'd like to see Melissa Smith in a bikini, you can go here.  Thank me for giving you the choice. You're welcome.

Update: Since this post was published, we've added a 3rd contestant for the "how many girls can fit in my pants" game. Brigitte Daguerre, an LA Photographer who worked on the set of a West Coast Choppers shoot in 2008.

As TMZ reports, Daguerre has 195 pretty graphic text messages shared between her and James, one from James saying, "I'll be your monkey."  So, he's Bombshell's gorilla, Bridgitte's monkey and my guess is, there are more monkey names coming for this one. I don't expect this will end until we reach orangutans or maybe even shifakas.

Photos of Daguerre can be seen here.  I am so done with this now. Probably.

Source


MayoPie writes nonsense all of the time on his blog.







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Comments

audrey

Apparently a prerequisite to getting your hands or other body parts on the vanilla gorilla is to have oodles of body art. Crap, guess that leaves me out (and yes, I clicked the link to see her in a bikini, tease!). :)

Jen O.

I followed the link. I can't help it. Yes, I got burnt a lot when I was a child.

Washington "Wanna Banana" Cube

No red assed baboons?

jodifur

Do you think he wants to compete with Tiger on "who can have more mistresses?" That should be a new reality show.

A Vapid Blonde

Am I the only one who see's a resemblance between Stripper #2 and Sandra...hmmm

"Striper #2" sounds like lets make a deal.

Whats behind Stripper #2....Jesse James!

Deb on the Rocks

I admit I love reading long-saved text message monkey-love lines. It skeeves me, but in a hilarious way.

My new favorite slice o' Mayopie: I don't expect this will end until we reach orangutans or maybe even shifakas.

Amalah

Time for a Miss Truvy quote:

The nicest thing I can say about her is that all her tattoos are spelled correctly.

mrschaos

I think you nailed it (heh) that I wouldn't care about these affairs if he hadn't tainted one of America's sweethearts in the process.

Damn. I keep trying not to care about this.

Suzy Q

Well, now I want to see "Steel Magnolias" again. I love me some Miss Truvy.

Sherri

I can't believe you came up with sifaka! They're awesome! Yay PBS!

To all three women...EW. Go away. Why do women come forward like this? Are they really that desperate to be famous?? It's yucky.

Jesse: I will avoid you at all costs. You're icky and you deserve to lose Sandra. Hope you do.




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