Johnny Depp's Lady Ain't Stupid

Angelina Jolie has left a few people in her wake over the years. Laura Dern and Jennifer Aniston are absolutely fine now, but it we can all still remember how they were publicly humiliated when Angelina fell in love with their men. And, oh yeah, when their men fell in love right back. (Oops!) Vanessa Paradis, Johnny Depp's long-time girlfriend and the mother of his two kids, isn't taking any chances with Miss Jolie, oh hell no, so when she got word of a steamy love scene between the two in the upcoming film, The Tourist, she put her (very small) foot down. 

Vanessa has been with Depp for 12 years -- or approximately 46 years in Celebrityville -- and has seen/seemingly approved of him acting alongside Kate Winslet (who, in my own for-what-it's-worth opinion, has more beauty in her pinky finger than Angelina does in her scarily thin body), Penelope Cruz and Marion Cotillard, but Angelina's reputation is well-known (and well-feared, apparently).

Depp is trying to get out of the movie, although so far he's still slated to appear and filming marches on, OH EM GEE.

I personally don't think she's got a thing to worry about. I can't imagine every leading man finding her as irresistible as two have so far, but then again I told EVERYONE who'd listen back in 2004 that Brad would neeeeeeever fall for her, nope, no way, he's got way more class than that and.....wait, what's going on with that W photoshoot?

But, seriously, you do what you must, Vanessa. I wouldn't want Angelina Jolie filming a sex scene with my husband, either. Unfortunately, my husband wouldn't be able to hear my protests what with all the celebrating he'd be doing. Damn men.

Comments

[Keli]

I wouldn't be interested in watching my husband make sweet, sweet love to Angelina Jolie. AT. ALL.

However, I feel like the tone is that Angelina Jolie will steal Johnny Depp's heart. Like he doesn't have a say in it. Boom. Done. Not Johnny's fault.

When we all know that's bullshit.

[Jennie]

Definitely, Keli.

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

I don't know. I'd be nervous if I were Depp's woman too. Jolie is the succubus.

[Alyssa]

My instincts say this says something about how she feels about Johnny Depp as well as Angelina Jolie. I wouldn't be thrilled to see him making out with the reputed home-wrecker, either, and I think it would warrant a LOT of conversation with my S.O., maybe some extra time on the set. But if his sex scene with this actress is suddenly a problem when none have been in the past that says, (to me) not only does this actress have a reputation, but the kind that I'm worried about my husband/boyfriend falling for.

[Palinode]

I would be extremely upset if my wife had to appear in a steamy love scene with Angelina Jolie.

Or, you know, maybe not.

[Solmaz]

Or it could be that Vanessa Paradis is using her power over her man to make a point, and mess up with Jolie. I know I would.

[Washington "Wiping Up The Coke (Cola)" Cube]

::snorting Coca Cola out of nose at Palinode::

I'd be more concerned about that gap between my front teeth. Don't snails get caught in there or somethin?" Maybe she likes to spit. It's good for that.

....and why hasn't Depp gotten that "Forever Winona(Wino)" tattoo removed? Depp and Jolie could swap viewings of their altered tats, cause she has some BillyBob thing that was changed, as well.

[Jennie]

Oh good point, Solmaz!

[Suzy Q]

Angelina can't steal what doesn't want to be stolen.

Why do the guys always get off scot-free from the bitchery?

[Keli (a different one, believe it or not)]

VP was famous long before she hooked up with Depp - and famous long before Angelina came into her own, I believe. I agree with Solmaz on this one!!

[steenky bee]

I don't know, I think Jolie looks like a sweaty coke whore, although not nearly as sweaty or cokey as the Zellwegger. Depp strikes me as a little smarter than Brad and can hopefully resist her feminine ways. I know it's wrong to hold a grudge, but I'd really like to see St. Jolie mess up big time and go after the wrong man. I'd also really like to see her wear a pastel color for once.

[norm]

I think Vanessa's being shallow. She should have been way more worried about Kate Winslet. I know my wife has given me the green light for any sex scenes I have to film with Jolie, but it's complete ixnay to the insletway.

[Sonia]

Solmaz! I like your take on it, and that's my impression of VP too. I wouldn't call her worried, I'd say she's secure and making a point.