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Kate Gosselin Sentenced to Appear on Dancing With The Stars

Kate_Gosselin Reality television is like a lobster trap. Once you've squeezed through the opening to get at that tasty bit of seaweed or whatever it is lobsters eat (If I were a lobster I'd eat myself, because how else could I afford to eat lobster?), you're stuck and at the mercy of some guy with rubber boots and an accent out of a Stephen King novel.  So it is with Kate Gosselin, who is set to appear on season 10 of ABC's Dancing With The Stars.

I can only assume that the cultural cycles of reality TV are speeding up, because Kate Gosselin is going through them with astonishing speed.  First she was a sainted mother piloting her novelty-sized family, then a bad mother denying her kids water and canoodling with a bodyguard.  Now that her husband has rolled off the track, she's transforming once more into a tough survivor who will Do What Is Right For The Kids.  Which has brought her to the long final phase of her career: an indentured reality servant, shuttled from one show to the next.  Eventually her caché will diminish to the point that she is no longer a draw, and at that point her ability to reinvent herself will vanish.

People_cover_kate-gosselin Let this serve as a warning to all of you photogenic hopefuls out there looking to combine a bit of celebrity with a normal life.  A traditional celebrity can maintain something approaching a normal life, albeit with much better booze, but a reality show star is doomed to run a Mobius strip of ever more degraded and ridiculous TV shows with pseudo-celeb panels, until eventually an affect-free host is shoving you into a plexiglass box full of cockroaches.  I give Kate five years before she's sitting in that plexiglass box, wondering if this time, finally, they'll grant her the freedom of anonymity.

She'll be competing against The Bachelor's Jake Pavelka. 

The new season of Dancing With The Stars premieres Monday, March 22. It will run forever.



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Kristi Dorson

oh ho ho, this makes me laugh ever so merrily.

Washington "Clambake" Cube

I was reading about lobsters the other day. While there are many ways to cook them, it is preferable to steam them for the maximum flavor. Also, when chosing lobsters for purchase, make sure they have long antenna. Lobsters attack each others' antenni(?) so if their antennea (having fun with spelling at this point,) are short and stubby, they've been in the tank too long...and somehow this all ties into Kate Gosselin who has already overstayed her tank welcome as far as I'm concerned.


Great - maybe next she can team up with Octomom and go on the Amazing Race. Or maybe she can show up on Big Brother. Will she ever go away? I realize she has to support those kids but come on - doesn't she have a ton of money already from the show and her books. I'm waiting for someone to write a sitcom that she can star in for our viewing pleasure.

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