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LOMGST! Lost Recap - Dr. Linus

LOST-dr_Linus-Ben  Previously on LOST: Once upon a time, on an island far, far away (OR IS IT?), Ben stabbed Jacob and Faux Locke pushed him into a giant, indoor firepit. Jack and Hurley found a lighthouse with space-time-continuum-bending mirrors encircled by a wooden ring with names and numbers written on it, several of the names being those of Losties, whose corresponding numbers match The Numbers (ie, 4 8 15 16 23 42). Jack, who is more than a little freaked out by this discovery, got all staring-out-at-the-vast-ocean-whilst-contemplating-life broody, while Hurley conversed with Dead Jacob about how "someone bad" is coming to the island. DUN DUN DUH! The smoke monster destroyed the temple and killed off a bunch of superfluous Other-Hun extras, and Ben ran into -- and got suitably creeped out by -- the newly-minted murderous Zombie Sayid. BOOM!

Scared Ben is scared. Running through the jungle and frantically looking over his shoulder, a very wigged-out looking Ben stumbles upon be-torched Temple of Doom escapees Ilana, Miles, Frank, and Sun, who are similarly fleeing the aftermath of the Massive Clusterfuck At Sundown. Ilana demands that Ben tell them where Sayid is. Ben replies that Sayid isn't coming, busy as he is with his new mind-slave-to-Faux-Locke serial killing and all (that shit is *time consuming,* yo). Ben suggests they all head to ye olde familar beach basecamp, and everyone concurs in that yeah yeah sure whatever LET'S JUST GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE sort of way. Onward, to the beach! 

LOST-dr_linus-Locke  Back in Dimension #2 (D2), Ben Linus is Dr. Linus, brown cardigan-wearing High School History teacher, a well-meaning nice-guy pushover who gets saddled with detention duty by the overbearing Principal of the school, a man so obviously douchey that were Smell-O-Vision technology currently available his on-screen appearances would be accompanied by the heavy reek of Axe Body Spray with subtle notes of Jagermeister. In the teacher's lounge, Ben eats his sad supermarket-packaged sushi while Science teacher Leslie (AKA that dude that exploded himself with dynamite at the Black Rock several eons back) tells Ben that he shouldn't think so much about taking care of the kids and their futures like he does, and should instead quietly accept his role as a meaningless cog in the dysfunctional machine of public education. Ben says that he refuses to give up hope, and Locke (a substitute at Ben's school, you'll recall) chimes in that Ben should be the principal, because the person in charge should be someone who cares as much as Ben does. Ben, who clearly didn't get anywhere near enough hugs growing up, scoffs at the idea, saying "who's gonna listen to me?" Locke replies, in that Lockean You Gotta Believe To Achieve way of his, "I'm listening." Aww!

As the Temple survivors make their way back to the beach, Miles asks Ben what that thing (ie, the smoke monster/Faux Locke) was that killed all the Other-Huns. Ben flubs his reply by saying it was the thing that killed Ilana's friends... neglecting to mention its most important supposed victim, Jacob. Oopsie! This glaring omission raises Ilana's suspicions about Ben and his flimsy I didn't kill Jacob, the smoke monster did it! No, really! story, so she asks Ghost Whisperer Miles to commune with the bag of Jacob's ashes that she's been carrying around and report back, definitively, how Jacob died. Miles holds the bag, does that flinchy, eye-fluttery thing he does when chatting up the dead, and then pronounces that Ben killed Jacob. Ben ineptly tries to deny this, but it's pretty clear that the jig is UP. Ilana glares at Ben, "Jacob was the closest thing I had to a father." Ben promptly shits his pants. As Ilana -- who is holding a rifle this entire time, mind you -- turns and begins walking onward toward the beach, Miles looks at Ben and says, simply but pointedly: "UT-OH!" Yeah, no shit, dude.

Lost-dr_linus-alex  Meanwhile over in D2, we find that Ben Linus lives with his gravely ill father and has assumed a kind of caretaking/caregiver role. He's the male equivalent to a spinster, basically. Ben changes his father's oxygen tank and whines a bit about how he feels like a loser. Daddy Linus in turn waxes philosophical about what might have been had they stayed on the island with those nice Dharma folks. Just then the doorbell rings, and guess who it is! ALEX! Yes, Rousseau's Alex, who it turns out is a favorite student of Ben's in the non-plane-crashy world of D2, one Ben has clearly pinned a whole lot of teacherly hopes on. Alex wants some extra tutoring in preparation for final exams, and Linus agrees to meet her early the next morning in the library for that purpose. He doesn't have much of a life, you see. All those who want very badly to give Ben a hug right about now, please raise your hands and say "Aye." Yeeeeeah.

Back at beach basecamp, Ilana tells Sun that like Sun she too wants to find Jin, because both of their last names are Kwon, and there's apparently a Kwon listed on The Great Big List Of Candidates To Replace Jacob, and she's not sure if the Kwon she's supposed to "protect" is Sun or Jin. Or both of them. Whatever. JUST BRING ME ALL THE KWONS, OKAY? She also mentions that there are only six candidates left. 4 8 15 16 23 42, I imagine. Wow, I just got a little chill. 

Rummaging through some of the camp's discarded personal items nearby, Ben comes upon a copy of "Booty Babes" magazine ("Big, Bouncy, Beautiful Buns!"), as well as a copy of the book "The Chosen," which can only lead one to surmise that whichever candidate turns out to be the Chosen One, they are going to have a MAGNIFICENT ass. That's just logic right there, people. Frank intrudes on Ben's booty revelry and casually mentions that he was supposed to have been the pilot of Oceanic 815, but overslept and missed the flight. Frank wonders aloud how different things might've been if he'd been the pilot (uhhh... you'd be DEAD? Yeah, I'd call that different for sure!). Aside: there seems to be a lot of what-might've-been-ing in this episode, no? It's like It's A Wonderful Life, but with extra brain melt or something. Aaaaanyway, Ben rightly points out that maybe things wouldn't have been all that different, since the island "got him" (Frank) anyway. Right about then Ilana rudely interrupts their conversation by sticking her gun in Ben's face and ordering him to walk. She takes him to the island graveyard, ties him to a tree, and orders him to start digging. A grave. For himself. Ilana clearly holds a grudge and ain't messin'.

In yonder D2, Ben Linus and Alex are in the school library, studying up for Alex's exams. Ben obviously feels a fatherly, doting sort of affection for her, and wants to help her however he can (foreshadowing!). Alex says that what she really needs is for someone who went to Yale to write a letter of recommendation for her to get into the school, which is frankly the first I've heard of this kind of admittance-by-association-type scam, but whatever, let's roll with it. Alex laments that the only Yale graduate she knows is "that pervert," her principal. Huh?!? After a bit of prodding, Alex explains that she once caught the principal getting it on with the school nurse in the nurse's office, and ewwww. Ben's eyes light up light a Christmas Tree, one under which festively-wrapped packages of blackmail material and delicious extortion cookies have been placed. Mmmmm.

Lost-dr_linus-ben-miles  Still digging his own grave -- literally! -- at the beach, Ben lamely attempts to rope Miles into an escape plan by dangling promises of post-island money n' stuff in front of him, but Miles doesn't bite. Ben's all, I can't believe you're going to let Ilana kill me over stupid Jacob, who didn't even care about being killed! And Miles is all, Dude, listen, you're talking to The Ghost Whisperer here, quit frontin'. Jacob not only cared, but up until you stabbed the dude in the freakin' chest he was kind of hoping you weren't a total douche. Which you are. So... smell ya later! As in, you'll be a stinky, putrifying corpse soon! No, seriously, you're totally fucked, dude. 

Elsewhere on the island Hurley and Jack run into Richard, who tricks them into following him to the Black Rock. Rocking the eyeliner HARD, Richard tells Jack and Hurley about the Temple massacre and is all generally haunted and creepy and stuff. He then tells them he needs to go do something... And that something? DIE. God, could this island BE any more emo?

Back in D2, Ben asks Explodo-Leslie, who is apparently not just science-nerdy but also computer-nerdy, if he could get into Nurse Ho-bag's email so as to extract incriminating nurse-to-principal correspondence crucial to his plan to dethrone and replace Principal Douchebag. It's practically Shakespearean! Leslie bargains with Ben, asking for a tree-shaded parking space and new lab equipment for his classroom in return, when Ben becomes King Principal. Ben agrees. Leslie, impressed by Linus' cut-throat tactics, jokes that Ben's sweatervest conceals "a real killer." Oh, Leslie, if you only knew.

At the Black Rock, Eyeliner Richard is all gloomy-and-doomy and cuts himself to feel because he devoted his life to Jacob, and now Jacob's gone, and with it his purpose and meaning and sense that things are happening for a reason, so COME SWEET DEATH, COME! For some reason though he can't kill himself, because "Jacob touched him," which makes me think all kinds of inappropriate and shameful things, and does that make me a bad person? Anyway, he asks Jack to light the fuse to some of that old, sweaty 200-year-old Black Rock dynamite so that he might finally off himself, and Jack's all, why the hell not! Uhh... Jack?

Lost_Dr_Linus_richard-jack  You know that kind of creepy, bright-eyed, slightly deranged grin Jack's been wearing more and more this season? Kind of "Heeeeere's JOHNNY!", Jack Nicholson in The Shining-esque? Yeah well he's got that going full-force as he lights the fuse to Richard's suicide dynamite, and then begins babbling about the lighthouse and Jacob and being brought here for a reason, because dammit, he's special! Jacob won't LET HIM die! They sit together and watch the fuse burn until, about an inch before BOOM!ville, it inexplicably fizzles and dies. *beat* SEE? I'M KING OF THE WOOOOOOORLD!!!! Jack shouts.

STILL digging, Ben is approached by Faux Locke in the graveyard, who in a very creepy strangers-with-candy kind of way tells Ben that he's a good boy and awesome and special and stuff -- so awesome and special, in fact, that he could become the next guardian of the island... IF he escapes and joins Faux Locke and the Smoke Monster Army over on the other island. Ben is all, Really? You think I'm good? Tell me again that you think I'm good! Faux Locke instructs Ben to run away, breaks him free of the manacle on his leg, and heps him to the location of a gun nearby that he can use to off Ilana should she come after him. Always good with instructions, Ben does just what Faux Locke suggests. He runs like hell.

In the principal's office, Ben presents Principal Douchebag with printouts of lascivious emails between him and the school nurse, asking that the Principal resign and recommend Ben for his job. Not one to ever be out-douched, the Principal points out that a certain Very Speshal Alex needs a glowing recommendation from him to get into Yale, and it would be a shame if Ben ruined that, AND LIKE, HER ENTIRE LIFE, FOREVER AND EVER, with these blackmail shenanigans. Ben all but actually exclaims, "D'OH!"

Ben runs through the jungle, Ilana hot on is heels, just as Faux Locke instructed him to. He finds the gun, and turns it on Ilana. Not expecting Ben to come upon a random gun tree in the jungle, Ilana is taken off-guard, and stands before Ben defenseless and in shock, waiting for him to pull the trigger. Instead, Ben tells her that he wants to explain what happened with Jacob. He tells Ilana that he understands her pain and loss, what with watching his own daughter die and all, and that he'll never forgive himself for what he did and what he lost, so he doesn't expect Ilana to forgive him either. It's all quite moving actually, and I can't think of a got-dam funny thing to say about it (sorry). Ben tells Ilana he just wants her to let him go, so he can go to Faux Locke. She asks him why he'd go to Faux Locke. And he says, sobbing, "because he's the only one who'll have me." (I seriously teared up at this point. Shut up.) Ilana thinks for a moment, looks at Ben, and replies, "I'll have you." She turns, and heads back to the beach. Ben follows, and with him, my hope for his humanity.

LOST-principal-dr_Linus
 In D2, Ben gives up his shot at being principal willingly for Alex's sake, and she gets her glowing Yale recommendation. On the island, he returns with Ilana to the beach, apparently a somewhat changed man. Jack, Hurley and Richard show up, and there's one of those trademark Lost slo-mo, solemn piano-accompanied scenes wherein all the Losties hug and are all, Dude, you're still alive too? Sweet! Motherfucking heartwarming, that.

But out in the ocean, we see a submarine periscope rise and scan the beach. Inside the sub, the operator of the periscope says, "Sir, there are people on the beach. Should we stop?" A gravelly voice replies, "No, proceed as planned." The camera pans to reveal the gravelly voice to be that of one Charles Widmore -- the "someone bad" Jacob warned was coming has arrived.

LOMGST!1!!!!

Previously on Lost Recaps...


. . . . .
Sweetney is a writer, geek, and professional smartass from beautiful Baltimore, MD.








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Comments

Michael

"Jack, Hurley and Richard show up, and there's one of those trademark Lost slo-mo, solemn piano-accompanied scenes wherein all the Losties hug and are all, Dude, you're still alive too? Sweet!"

Sometimes the storylines can get pretty confusing and severely drawn out, I mean when was the last time Sun had something meaningful to do (was it the middle of last season)? But then something like what's mentioned in that quote above happens. I LOVE the "hug scenes" - with all the crap they go through on this island, and all the death and despair, they still care for one another very deeply.

The Smoke Monster is cool and all, but when Sawyer hugged Hurley last season after the Oceanic Six returned to the island, that was great.

Keli

Every time I decide that Terry O'Quinn is the best thing about Lost, Michael Emerson comes in and changes my mind.

I love him.

Kimberly

Dr. Linus totally should have added the glowing letter of recommendation to his list of demands. Like DUH. Even after the fact, he could have pulled it off with that fat stack of email booty.

I'll admit I was feeling a little warm fuzzy about Ben/Dr. Linus BUT I don't trust him one insy weensy bit.

Love your recaps!

WabiSabiLife

Today, my husband was all, "Widmore? In a sub? That's just too unrealistic." and I about laughed myself into two pieces. With all the stuff that we've seen in 5 1/2 seasons, *that* is what tips him over the edge? Widmore in a sub. Hahaha!

Isabel @AlphaMom

what Kimberly said. All of it.

And, what Michael said.

And, Keli too.

shine

The scene with Richard was clearly "Man who has lost his faith in higher power" classic. And Jack, Mr. Man of Science, is the one who gave him faith again?

My head is about to explode. I just WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS.

amalah

Now that Alex has her letter, can't Dr. Linus still out the principal? Like what's he'd gonna do? Tell the local paper that Ben promised to keep it all secret after he held a recommendation hostage for a student? Oh no! That would totally make Ben the bad guy...or...something.

I get the parallel they were trying to make with the Alex situation, but I guess it's hard to evenly match the stakes without roving bands of heavily armed Other Others.

Also, is anyone wondering if the "Kwon" Jacob is really seeking could actually be Jin and Sun's daughter?

Palinode

I picture the Richard & Jack & stick o' dynamite scene as a recapitulation of a Jacob-MIB moment.

Anyway, I hope that Ben isn't a good guy now. He needs to feel the love of decent people, and then betray them all.

Suzy Q

This show has made a grilled cheese sandwich out of my brain. Gruyere. That is all.

Kelley

Sorry to be the voice of dissent here, but I think the "something/one bad" Jacob had been talking about was Locke as smoke-monster going to the temple. And that was why he wanted to get Hurley and Jack away from the temple. He took them to the lighthouse because he needed them to set it to help "someone" get to the island. "Someone" must be Widmore. Once upon a time he was an Other.
Anyone else remember it that way?

Sumo

The actor playing the principal was one of your go-to guys for douche bags in the 80's. He was the D-bag EPA inspector who let the ghosts out of the containment unit in Ghostbusters, he was the D-bag prof who wanted to sell Val Kilmer's uber-laser as a weapon in Real Genius, and he was the D-bag reporter who really fucked over Bruce Willis and his family in Die Hard. Good casting, Lost!




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