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LOMGST! Lost Recap - Sundown

Sundown-2 Previously on LOST: Once upon a time (which time, we're not quite sure, mind you), Greasy Others shot Sayid dead in Dharma Village. A short while later, Hun-like others -- including that dude from Deadwood -- try to revive him by holding him underwater in a giant, poopy jacuzzi. This bizarre resuscitation technique appears to fail... until later, when the presumed corpse of Sayid sits up, looks around, and is all, WTF? You guys totally drew on my face with a Sharpie while I was out, didn't you? No they didn't, but Fu Man Chu (aka Dogen, just roll with it) decides that while magic marker humiliation of Sayid may not be in order, divination by way of actual physical torturing of him is, and it is through this methodology that he determines that Sayid is "claimed" and has ookie dark creepies in him. Fu tries to poison bad cootified Sayid, but -- SURPRISE! -- is foiled by Jack being... well, Jack. A bit later on, in a CLASSIC Jack move, Jack goes to Sayid and tells him, Oh by the by, the Other-Huns tried to kill you because you have, like, creeping death or soul rot-gut or something... Pie? BOOM!

Back in Dimension #2 (D2), Sayid pulls up in a taxi at the home of his long lost true love/torturee, Nadia, bearing flowers. As they embrace at the door and look all googly-eyed at each other, two kids run to greet Sayid... UNCLE Sayid. Yeah, for a moment I thought the same thing. But no, these are not Sayid spawn, but rather Sayid's brother's spawn, and THAT dude is married to Nadia... because Sayid is a self-flagellating masochist. (But more on that later.) There's some awkward, my-frustrated-love-for-you-tortures-my-soul -tinged dinnertable conversation that evening between Nadia and Sayid, which culminates in one of Nadia's meddling kids running into the room squealing that they found a photo of Nadia in Uncle Sayid's baggage. Sayid's brother overhears this and looks piiiiiissed. Thankfully, it wasn't one of the photos from that lost weekend in Bangkok. 

Sundown-2 Meanwhile, back at the Temple Of Doom, Sayid is himself piiiiiissed, and barges into Fu Man Chu's Ye Olde Torture Emporium, demanding answers about why he was tortured and what's going on and how Fu keeps his facial hair so neat and tidy in this primitive jungle environment. Fu replies that in every man there is a scale, with good on one side and evil on the other (or a black stone on one side and a white stone on the other, which Faux Locke will grab and chuck in to the oce--... saaaaaaaay), and guess which side Fu says weighs heavier in Sayid now, what with his Inner Creeping Cooties Of Darkness and all? Fu also notes, FYI and for the record and stuff, that he thinks things would be better if Sayid WERE dead, and, like, he's so not taking that poisoning shit back or apologizing or nuthin' and NYAH. Sayid gets all earnest about how he's a good man, and Fu's just a judgmental dummyhead, aaaaaand that's about when the ass-kicking begins. Civil discussion having broken down, fists fly, and Fu and Sayid go at each other like rabid weasles on Red Bull (and yeah, it's kind of hot). Then, just when it appears that Fu is going to stab Sayid in the throat, thus technically winning the argument, something weird happens (SHOCKING in this show, right?). Fu's special baseball (remember that?)... falls off the table. And it's all slo-mo for emphasis, and Fu is all gape-mouthed and eye-bulgey watching this baseball-falling-thing, like maybe he has some kind of weird ball fetish and THAT BASEBALL IS HIS BABY, DAMMIT. In any case, he picks the baby-baseball up off the floor gently, like it might be made of leaky, 200 year old dynamite (remember that, too?), and whispers for Sayid to go and never come back. Yeah, I have no idea either.

In the jungle nearby, Faux Locke is preparing to send his minion, Rousseaued Claire, into Hunville to do his bidding. Faux Locke promises -- cross his smokey heart and hope to, uhhh, well, something-or-other, but he means it! -- that he'll get Claire's son back to her if she follows his instructions. Claire is all, YESSS MAAAASTER, and heads off toward the Temple Of Doom.

[Let me just note, only about seven minutes have passed in tonight's episode at this point. Somebody get me a towel.]

Back in the wee small hours of D2, Sayid's brother rudely wakes Sayid, who was dozing on his brother's couch (and we all know how gloriously restful sleeping on strange couches can be). Sayid's brother says that he needs Sayid's help. It seems Sayid's brother borrowed a bunch of money from some questionable -- and now threatening -- peoples, and OOPS! He's gonna die if he can't pay up on "interest" monthly, FOREVER, despite having paid the debt. He wants Sayid to convince these jerkfaces to leave him alone (read: poke them with sharp, pointy things). Sayid says sorry, he's not that torture-y dude anymore and so can't help, and that he'd like an extra pillow and two Tylenol PM, please.

But back at the Temple Of Doom, Sayid isn't resting comfortably -- he's packing up to get out of Dodge under Fu's Order Of Banishment when Miles (I SO HEART MILES) approaches him and is all, what's the haps? Sayid explains these people who saved him now want him to leave. Miles (HEART) clarifies that, uhhh, no, the Other-Huns didn't SAVE you -- they tried to, but you died. And were dead for two hours. DEAD. TWO. HOURS. DEAD. Did I mention Dead? Yeah, that's more than a little creepy. And let it be noted: this from the Ghostbusters dude.

Just then there's a knock at the gigantic wooden door and in walks zombie Claire. She makes a beeline for Fu and tells him that Faux Locke is requesting the honor of his presence. Fu is all, Sucka, do you think I was born yesterday? Do I look oven-fresh to you? The Claire-ish thing then says, well, if you're gonna be a big baby about it, send someone else, someone you think Faux Locke won't kill. Fu is pretty annoyed by this whole conversation generally, and instructs Deadwood to put Claire in Other Jail until they work this shit out and send Jack and Hugo to him in the Torture Emporium. Deadwood tells Fu they don't know where Jack and Hugo are and Fu's brain pretty much explodes, not unlike, say, a baseball made of dynamite would. Fu then sees Sayid packing up his stuff and is all, forget what I said about banishment - let me send you on a suicide mission instead!

Fu brings Sayid back into the Emporium and rambles cryptically about how Claire is a confused girl (you don't say?) under Faux Locke's influence, that Jacob is now free, and that Faux Locke is evil incarnate and won't stop until he kills everything on the island. And that was just small-talk! He then gives Sayid a pretty, sparkly-shiny dagger, and tells Sayid that he must kill Faux Locke by plunging the dagger into his chest the second he sees him, before Faux Locke gets the chance to speak -- or it's already too late. Sayid is like, you lost me at BURNING ME WITH RED-HOT POKERS, ASSHOLE. Fu sighs and carts out the big psychological guns, telling Sayid that if, as he claims, there is still Goodness in him... PROVE IT, MOFO. By, uhh, killing someone. Yeah. Makes total sense to me... What?

Back in D2, Sayid is dropping his brother's kids at the school bus stop (kids that so clearly could've been the fruit of HIS loins instead, and you can almost see that thought running in a ticker in the air above his head), when Nadia appears, looking panicky. Or constipated. Or both. In any case, it turns out Sayid's brother got jumped by the dudes he owed money to and they kicked his ass so hard it landed him directly in the hospital. Sayid is angry. You won't like him when he's angry.

In the jungle, Sayid strides along looking for some Faux Locke to stab. Instead he runs into Kate, who -- while imminently stabbable -- doesn't meet Hun-Approved Dagger Usage Criteria. Kate asks what she's missed since she's been gone. Sayid is all, bitch, haven't you been paying attention? Go read the recaps on MamaPop. Or talk to Miles. Whatever. I'm OUT. 

At the Temple Of Doom, Kate talks to Miles (LOVE!), and he tells her "that Australian chick is back... acting all weird. Still hot though." Kate all but jumps up and down for joy, squealing like four-year-old at Chuck E. Cheese, ZOMG WHERE IS SHE WTFBBQ!1!!! Shut up, Kate.

Sundown-locke ADVERT: Single Arabic Male, Sayid, thirtysomethingish, seeks Multi-dimensional Undead Smoke Monster type-thingy, timeless and ageless, for short-term stabbing in the jungle. Must love 4 8 15 16 23 42. 

Well I'm glad we could bring these two crazy kids together, because lo, the man Sayid's been seeking steps from the jungle before him and says, flatly, "Hello, Sayid." Just then, my heart crashed into my underpants, because HEY, REMEMBER FU'S WARNING ABOUT STABBING THE DUDE *BEFORE* HE SPEAKS? GAH. Sayid stabs Faux Locke anyway -- apparently he's not so good with details n' things. Faux Locke pulls the dagger from his chest and is like, YOU CAN'T KILL ME CAUSE I'M ALREADY DEAD. Aww, crap.

Sayid and Faux Locke then proceed to have a nice little chat wherein Faux Locke does that thing he always does, which involves convincing the person he's speaking to (in this instance Sayid) that the good guys (in this instance Fu) are giving him the shaft and don't love him and come sit on Uncle Faux Locke's lap SO I MAY EAT YOUR SOUL. Then, Faux Locke goes on to do that other thing he does, which is ask said person (in this instance Sayid) to do something for him (in this instance deliver a message) in exchange for some impossible-seeming thing said person wants (in this instance, dead Nadia). I so totally have Faux Locke's number, people..

In yonder D2, Sayid and Nadia have a blinky, doe-eyed talk in Nadia's kitchen that ends with some inappropriate hand caressing and Sayid telling Nadia that he pushed her toward his brother because he's done bad things and so can't be with/doesn't deserve her. I call straight-up bullshit, yo.

Back in the jungle, Sayid approaches Fu & Company and gives them weirdo speech about how Jacob's dead and there's, like, this SUPER cool dude in the jungle who will take all of you off the island if you go meet him at the temple before sundown.... Oh and PS: If you don't do this YOU'RE ALL A-GONNA DIE!!!! Hmm, decisions, decisions...

At the Temple Of Doom Deadwood introduces Kate to crazy Claire, who they keep deep down in a pit, to help lock in freshness. IT PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN. Kate stupidly tells Clarice -- I mean CLAIRE -- that she took Aaron off of the island and raised him herself -- and isn't Claire happy about that? Claire looks at Kate like she would enjoy eating her face off. Deadwood pulls Kate away from the pit's edge, as Claire yells up to her, "I'm not the one who needs to be rescued, Kate... He's coming, and they can't stop him!" Well that sounds FUCKING SPLENDID.

Mayhem ensues at the temple, as Hun-Others flee in the wake of Sayid's "Join Faux Locke Or Die!" pronouncement. And Sayid is starting to have a look in his eye that says, Creeping Darkness? It's in there!

In D2, two of Sayid's brother's skeezy loan-shark dudes abduct Sayid and take him to a restaurant kitchen, where an even skeezier dude than the first two -- apparently the head shark, King Skeezy -- offers to make him eggs. Never have eggs seemed quite so threatening. And skeezy. So King Skeezy says some barely veiled threatening things about Sayid's brother owing him money, and people get hurt when people owe people money, right? Sayid takes this opportunity to leap up from the table and kick some ass, ultimately shooting King Skeezy in the chest. Just then he hears banging sounds coming from another room. Oh look, it's Jin! -- non-English speaking Jin, mind you -- tied up in the kitchen store room! Huh.

Over at the Temple, Fu is dipping his toes at the poopy jacuzzi, when Sayid approaches with dagger in hand, completely bummed about the crappy mission Fu sent him on, which seems to have been designed to end in Sayid being killed, not Faux Locke. Sayid asks why Fu hasn't just cut out the middleman and killed him himself already. Fu launches into a story about how in his life before coming to the island he was a businessman, and one night drank too much celebrating a promotion, drove drunk with his 12-year-old son in the car and got into a terrible accident. He survived, his son was killed. BUT! THEN! A man appeared in the hospital and told Fu that if he came to this here island he would save Fu's son's life, but that Fu could never see his son again. Oh! And the man's name? JACOB. Zoinks!

Fu asks Sayid if "the man in the jungle," Faux Locke, made Sayid a similar offer. Sayid says that he did. Fu asks Sayid if he's going to stay or go, seeing as it's sundown and Time To Die and all. Sayid replies that he'd like to stay... And then promptly grabs Fu, chucks him into the poopy jacuzzi, and holds him down until he drowns. Deja Fu!

As Sayid drags himself up the poopy jacuzzi stairs and away from Fu's buoyant corpse, Deadwood rushes in and, surveying the scene, proclaims this situation VERY NOT GOOD. Deadwood yells at Sayid, calling him an idiot, telling him that Fu was the only thing keeping IT out, so Sayid just let it IN. Sayid responds by slitting Deadwood's throat and pushing him into the water. Direct and to-the-point, I s'pose.

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Smoke monster.

Smoke monster who?

Smoke monster... who... who wants to kill some Other-Huns and form a zombie army disguised as Faux Locke! That's who! Huzzah!

BINGO!

Smokey crashes through the temple doors and starts kicking Other-Hun butt. Miles, Kate, and the stragglers from the beach -- Ilana, Ben, Frank -- all scramble to evade the monster. In the process, Ben encounters a very creeptastic Sayid, who is all, go on without me, I'm with Smokey.

Sundown
The monster exits the temple, and silence descends. Kate wanders out into the temple courtyard, now littered with bodies. She watches as Claire and Sayid walk together, as if in a trance, to join a group of men standing just outside the temple gates. At the center of the group is their leader, Faux Locke. He turns and begins to slowly walk into the jungle, the men marching after him, new recruits in his Smoke Monster Army.

LOMGST!1!!!!

Previously on Lost Recaps...


. . . . .
Sweetney is a writer, geek, and professional smartass from beautiful Baltimore, MD.







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Comments

Kimberly

Will Kate follow the Faux Locke group or go back into the temple? And why isn't she skeeved out by Claire?(And why doesn't she tell her to brush her hair?)

Great recap.

nic @mybottlesup

SHUT UP KATE.

Keli

Dude. This recap is epic. You win at recaps.

I totally said out-loud, "It puts the lotion on it's skin" when Claire was down in the hole.

Tina

That was the best recap ever. I REALLY want to know where the hell Ben, Ilana and Frank came from? They show up SO coincidentally at the same time as all this shit goes down...
And why won't someone TELL Clare "DUDE! You LEFT your baby! We LEFT the island! We thought you were dead!" Their kind of talking around it....I like the creepy Clare though. And it was nice to see Sayid kick some ass, although I'm pretty sure this means he's traveled to the dark side. And I kind of like him as the good guy.

cindy w

Dude, King Skeezy is Martin Keamy, aka the dude from the freighter who executed Alex (Rousseau's daughter that Ben raised) in front of him, and who had that heart rate sensor thingy strapped to him so the freighter would blow up if he was killed. (And it did, after Ben stabbed him to death.) So the guy is a psycho & gets murdered in BOTH dimensions. Huh.

Besides the fact that - like Tina said - Kate needs to say, "I had no choice but to take Aaron because you disappeared," it occurred to me that maybe Kate also needs to say, "Oh and btw, no worries, Aaron is with YOUR MOM now." That might help diffuse some of the tension there. Or maybe not, since Claire is all zombified now. Who knows.

P.S. They better get Sun & Jin back together soon, and the payoff had better be HUGE.

Sweetney

Cindy W - You just BLEW MY MIND. I hadn't made the connection with Martin Keamy.... good call!

Suzy Q

Wow, cindy. You're so right about King Skeezy. I hadn't remembered that. Or a million other tiny little things about this freaking show.

I totally knew Jin would be in that meat locker, though.

nicole

Ok, so, Sayid just killed Dogen, and Deadwood Guy walks in on the action. Now pretend you are Deadwood Guy. Do you A) See crazy ass, slowly creeping darkness, torturer Sayid AND CONTINUE TO WALK TOWARDS HIM or B) run the hell away. IF you chose A, you deserve to die, you are stupid.

And Kate....oh how I loathe Kate. WORST CONVERSATIONAL SKILLS EVER!!! There are better ways to tell a mother you have her child, especially when that mother is a psycho and in need of a shower.

PomJob

Miles so looks like Jon Gosselin. Here's hoping he's not as much of a d-bag.

MayoPie

I don't even watch the show anymore. I just read these.

Stephanie

Deja Fu. May be my favorite phrase ever! And Miles does look like Jon Gosselin...why has it taken me so long to make that connection???

I'm wondering if we're ever going to get an explanation about that "box" that brings you whatever you want that Ben Linus tells (the real) John Locke about right before his dad arrives there...

Great Recap!




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