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The Jackson Family Stun Gun Incident

Stun-gun  Those crazy Jacksons. Will they ever manage to stay out of the news for more than a week? Yesterday, the Department of Child and Family Services had to pay the Jackson family a visit after it was revealed that Jermaine's 13-year-old son Jaafar had brought a stun gun to the house. And it sounds to me like maybe they should have a daily family meeting to make sure they have their stories straight.


Some family members reported that Jaafar, who ordered the 300,000 volt stun gun online, had the weapon in the home for several weeks, and that he had been playing with it and pointing it at Blanket and Prince. Katherine Jackson's lawyer, on the other hand, says that Jaafar had opened the package in the bathroom and was testing the gun on a piece of paper, when security personnel on the floor below heard it, immediately confiscating it. However, there actually seem to be about as many stories here as their are Jackson family members, lawyers and security staff.

Blanket-Jackson-Jaafar-Jackson
Blanket and Jaafar in a more wholesome family moment 

Okay, I know I'm supposed to be doing the reporting here, but I have a question. I have a lot of questions, actually, but here's my first: where is a 13-year-old getting the credit card he would need in order to purchase so much as a jawbreaker online? I know kids are getting cell phones and thongs way too early these days, but are we giving them Visas now, too?

Follow-up question: Why are 300,000-volt stun guns available for order online like they're Omaha Steaks?

Stun-gun-omaha-steaks
Free stun gun with purchase of 10 filet mignon!  

Second follow-up question: I don't know much about stun guns, but are they really so loud that someone could conceivably hear someone zapping a piece of paper a floor above them and think, "Hmm, I better check on Jaafar. It sounds like he may be playing with a dangerous weapon up there!" I don't know about any of you, but I'd have to be pretty sure something like that was going on before I'd walk in on a 13-year-old boy in a bathroom.

This does not conclude the set of questions I have prepared in order to wrap my brain around this news snippet, but I think my brain might explode if I continue. I'm curious to see if any of the interviews conducted by DCFS are leaked. Please, will some social worker on this case be unscrupulous enough to give a girl a clue? Because I am just baffled.

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Comments

TwoBusy

Apropos of absolutely nothing, I think the 10 filets = free stun gun is a stroke of cobranding genius. Hell, I'd buy that in a heartbeat.

Angela

I think those are some excellent questions.

We actually have a stun gun, and while not quiet, they're not THAT loud. Just a snappity electric sound, like zapping yourself really good on a doornob after wearing wool socks on carpet...only a bunch of times in a row.

Hm, maybe that IS the true sound of one hand clapping, aided by technology.

Washington "Can I Smirk Now and Say "SEE?" Cube

To my black friends, (but really only one, since the others agreed with me,) so this would be you CHERYL, who got pissed off when Michael Jackson died and I said, "But What About His Children CHERYL?" because CHERYL got pissed off at me and blew up and said, "THE CHILDREN ARE FINE. THEY HAVE GRANDPARENTS" as if I were suggesting Michael Jackson's parents were anything less than loving nurturing people who raised sound, healthy children.

So uh...CHERYL...yeah....where does a 13-year old get his hands on a credit card? And CHERYL? Who IS watching Michael's children and keeping them out of harm's way?

And CHERYL? :::poking my finger in you:::: What you were really pissed about wasn't me. Your unspoken implication and slam down being that "maybe" this wasn't a topic for white people.

What you were really pissed off about that day? (and everyone knows it) was that NASHINIA didn't invite you to her wedding, but everyone else (including me) was. She made a lovely bride.

P.S. Cheryl? The next time you want a wedding invitation? Don't go around in the group telling everyone a bride is only getting married to have people give her money.

...and Angela has a stun gun? Coolness.
"Honey, can you bring the laundry up for me?" Honey? Honey? Honey?" THEN she asks with the gun. One well placed zap in his LAZEE-BOY lap and ole Fred will be off and running.

Tina

And why would security guards be hanging outside the bathroom? Shouldn't they be, you know...securing the building?

Jessi

My little brother's stun gun is freaking loud. So loud that my five year old screamed "Now I'm deaf. Deaf, I say" when he tried it out on thin air. (God, now I sound as dysfunctional as the Jacksons. Does it help that my little brother is 18 or that we were visiting his house when he came home from buying it. Not with a credit card because he doesn't have one. Except for his debit card. Nope. I should stop talking now. Fine.)

Washington Cube

Tina: Because you never know where the shit is going to land in that house? Badda and bing.

Jessi: "My little brother's stun gun is freaking loud." What a great opening sentence.

BaltimoreGal

Where was Jermajesty?

Erica

I read last night that the kid bought prepaid Visa cards at the grocery store and that's how he was able to buy it on the internet. I hadn't thought of that!

Snarky Amber

@Erica, 


You know, I have to admire that kind of creative thinking, even when it leads to criminal mischief. Go Jaafar! That's usin' yer butt.

Washington "Come Fly With Me" Cube

Amber: With that kind of thinking, he could be cooking the family books in no time. What debt? What estate? What trip to the Antilles via Switzerland?

MayoPie

I'm with Two Busy. You could actually cook your steak with your stun gun. Genius.

Holly

This story is all kinds of insane. But I keep looking at that picture of Blanket and thinking that he actually looks like Michael Jackson. Which blows my mind, since I didn't think he actually fathered any of his kids. Do I have that wrong? Crazy.




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