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Bob Dylan Is Still A Communist Threat But The Beatles Are No Longer A Hassle For Jesus

Bob-dylan black and white bernard ratzinger Bob Dylan is such a badass that China still fears him. However, in other 60s counterculture news, the Vatican finally made peace with the Beatles. "With all these pedophiles running around in vestments, who's got time to worry about the Beatles?" asked the Pope. Not really. But burn, man - I just burned the Pope hard.

Insisting that he is most assuredly NOT part of a systematic cover-up operation that protects suspected pedophile priests, the Pope says that the Beatles are cool now. I'm glad THAT'S finally resolved. We can all breathe easy, knowing that Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds now shores up with the Gospel According to John.


The Vatican newspaper, L'Osservatore Romano, recently ran two articles that forgave The Beatles for their boat rocking Satanism.

"It's true, they took drugs; swept up by their success, they lived dissolute and uninhibited lives," said the paper. "They even said they were more famous than Jesus. But, listening to their songs, all of this seems distant and meaningless," L'Osservatore said. "Their beautiful melodies, which changed forever pop music and still give us emotions, live on like precious jewels."

Giovanni Maria Vian, the editor in chief of L'Osservatore Romano, said that he loves the Beatles. However, he failed to indicate if he liked the Beatles more than the Stones.

Paul McCartney, John Lennon, and George Harrison had no response to their newly acquired Catholic acceptance - the latter two because of being dead - but Ringo Starr did respond quickly (what else does Ringo have to do?) by essentially calling the Catholics a bunch of hypocrites who have bigger issues to grapple with than giving a thumbs up to a band that broke up 40 years ago.

"Didn't the Vatican say we were satanic or possibly satanic -- and they've still forgiven us?... I think the Vatican - they've got more to talk about than the Beatles." I think so too, Ringo. Is this just a PR move, an attempt usher in a hipper new Catholicism that we can all dig? Whatever the motive, altar boys need to now be wary of priests expressing the enthusiastic desire to show them their groovy record collections, in their offices, in the back, alone, with the door closed.

Mao-tse-tung portrait But even though the Beatles have finally been forgiven for the blasphemy of being bigger than Jesus, Bob Dylan still can't get no love from China.

Having never played there in 50 years of touring the world and FINALLY getting gigs lined up in Shanghai and Beijing, the concerts were recently nixed by Cai Wu, China's Minister of Culture.

Apparently, Dylan's 60's counterculture anthems were deemed inappropriate for Chinese audiences. Even though Dylan looked forward to the opportunity to play China, it must be cool to be 68-years-old and still considered dangerous. 

Bob Dylan's music has been known to incite people into thinking for themselves.


The Beatles and Bob Dylan clash with entire religions and the value systems of countries. They make me wonder about the current musical landscape and its potential for major cultural impact. Okay, sure, Lady Gaga wears crazy bubble outfits, but does she (or anyone else) bring any major questions to the table? Maybe I'm just getting old but it seems to me that the last voice that had the power to speak for a generation blew his head off in Seattle. We need new threats. Where are our threats?

. . . . .
B Hockey J didn't die before he got old.

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So odd that as I read this Nirvana (About a Girl) came up on my ipod.

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