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House Party To Be Remade?

House Party poster So it seems Brett Ratner wants to remake House Party. Say what?! Yes, it appears, according to people like Film Junk that Ratner wants to remake that 1990 classic. Yes, I said classic! And I meant it! Damn it, people, I'm serious here!

Look, what other movie, in the 90's, had a sweet-ass dance off scene starring Kid N' Play? Well besides House Party 2 and 3, I mean. Come on, for sheer 90's goodness you can't beat this:



Look at that! It's epic! It's like, you can feel Dylan and Brenda in a corner, bitching that they don't get to through sweet-ass House Parties like this because Brandon would tell mom and Steve would try and date rape David. For reals! That was like Dancing With The Stars, except with Kid N' Play, y'all!

But then we have some problems going on with this. Besides the fact that this shouldn't be even considered because who remakes House Party for God's sake, no, we still have problems.  The first of which is: This wouldn't have Kid N' Play! House Party without them is the fun story of a party that happens inside someone's house. That's it! Suddenly, what would be a scene in any other teen comedy movie, specifically the scene where there's a party, in someone's house, if you follow me, will be the entire movie. 

Then we come to the much bigger problem. Has Bret Ratner directed any good movies? He has a penchant for making action films. Hey, I wonder if he'd remake House Party like this…



Maybe! Just maybe! But my money is on him adding Chris Tucker. Let's see, it is Bret Ratner, right? So you add Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan and call them, in a cute, horrible bit of "this is the type of humor Ratner loves" Kid N' Pray. Get it? Because Chan's character speaks with an accent! Oh my God nothing so funny has ever been written. Ratner's a genius! A … wait, what? Chris Tucker was in House Party 3?



Huh, so he was.  Well, since no one really saw House Party 3 I think we can ignore that. 
Yeah, but let's do the movie math on this, shall we?

Brett Ratner + House Party - Kid N' Play = Well, I don't rightly know but I know it ain't House Party. I know that, my friends. Let's just scroll back up and watch that sweet-ass dance-off again, all right?






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