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Kick Ass Headline Lacks Stupid Play-On-Words.

Kick Ass cover issue 03 hit girl second printing  Kick Ass opened this weekend, and I was lucky enough to attend the premiere. okay actually it wasn't the "premiere" as in the gala press event held by the studio to drum up support for its film. It was the kind of premiere where I went the day after it opened and I had to pay for my ticket and instead of a red carpet there were two girls in the lobby chewing gum and asking each other if the new Twilight was coming out soon. But otherwise same thing. Was it a good movie? That's a secret I'll take to the grave assuming I'll die when you hit the link below.

Oh man. You know how when Spider-man 2 came out, everyone was all premature ejaculating in their pants about what a "realistic" film it was and how it was the best superhero movie ever because Peter Parker learned valuable life lessons and with great power comes great responsibility and then we were forced to think Kirsten Dunst was attractive even though we all know the truth but we don't talk about it because the truth is mean? Well Kick Ass makes Spider-man 2 look like a painting of a dog sitting in a Psychiatrist's chair with half-moon glasses, smoking a pipe with the caption 'Tell Me About Your Bitch of a Mother" underneath. There is nothing real about Spider-man's sensitive feelings when you compare it to the much-more-reasonably-rooted-in-reality reality of Kick-Ass. The film had a stunning degree of character development for a movie about people who dress up in costumes and beat up bad guys. It was a little surprising. Like that one time your mom said she wasn't in the mood.

The acting in this movie was sublime. And I don't even feel like looking that up to make sure it's the right word, but trust me, it might be. The delicate textures and interactions of the characters with one another, even the things that don't seem to be doing anything in terms of story mechanics, serve the purpose of fooling the audience into believing that what we are watching could really happen, because the script is just THAT smart. You won't  find any Will Smith-ian "Oh Hell Nooo!"s or long-winded soliloquies on the nature of good and evil, just sharp, witty dialog with one eye firmly set on wink to any audience that is paying attention. And you will be paying attention. Unless you're doing that whole "cut-a-hole-in-the-bottom-of-the-popcorn-bucket-handjob" thing. Than maybe you're missing the finer points. Of the FILM any way.

It's Nicolas Cage and Chloe Moretz, as Big Daddy and Hit Girl who really fucking shine in this movie. I cannot say enough how much she reminds me of a young Natalie Portman in The Professional. Suffice it to say she is definitely going to be nerd-bait in about 5 years. Nicholas Cage, is really starting to redeem himself for the dark time we'll eventually call "The Bruckheimer Years". Between this and Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call -New Orleans, which is totally a fantastic movie with a terrible name ... Seriously...it's like naming a beautiful curvesque supermodel "Wart Farttskins", I was all set to forgive him for Con Air. But then I checked his filmography and saw that he is making not only ANOTHER National Treasure, but also Ghost Rider 2. 

He's still dead to me in other words. 

The following clip pretty much sums up the whole movie for me. Like that hysterical video of the monkey pissing in it's own face, it crosses all generational boundaries and touches our hearts. PS: He says "asshole"so this is maybe not suitable for work unless your boss is really cool.


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Jen O.

THANK YOU. I thought I was the only one not being fooled by the movie people into thinking Kirsten Dunst was attractive.


kirstin dunst was attractive like maggie gyllenhaal was attractive in batman forever. it was inconceivable that either of them would get the attention they got. bleh


This was more fun than I expected. Having read the comic, I thought it would be the most mean-spirited and nihilistic thing on celluloid apart from a snuff film. Or Watchmen. Instead it felt affectionate, somehow.

Plus Nicolas Cage's Adam West impersonation was spot-on.


As if I needed one more reason to want to see this movie. "No wincing, no whining". That clip is priceless.

And just to make sure I understand, Nicholas Cage buffed out in tight jeans, a wife beater, a bad southern accent and a mullet was NOT the high point of his career?

Washington "Breakfast Blend" Cube

Why does Nicholas Cage look like a teacher/coach just busted for child diddling and pornography? No more the stealing of Shelby's and outwitting the cops of "Gone in Sixty Seconds." I always thought he peaked out after playing a vampire anyway.

Re: lobby girls chewing gum. Yanno? This past week I kept stumbling on people chewing gum in the most inappropriate circumstances. Is Orbit the new Skoal? And as for "inappropriate," it would be the equivalent of some priest smacking on a pack while giving you the last rites.

And why isn't Kirsten wearing braces to fix those teef? Maybe because you can't chew gum while wearing braces.

I think I need another cup of coffee.


I'd nail Kirsten Dunst.

Snarky Amber

This movie kicked all sorts of ass.

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