pop culture gossip community about contact archives subscribe advertise fine print bmc

« Flashback Friday: Oregon Trail and Early Signs of Nerdery | Pop Culture Main | Mel Gibson Left His Girlfriend. Guess They Weren't Soulmates After All. »

Larry King and Shawn Southwick Don't Have a Prenup: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Larry-king-shaun-southwickIf the title hadn't indicated it, I'm somewhat pleased to hear this news. It seems when Larry hit his 8th wife (I use this term both literally and figuratively), he'd decided she would be the last in the long list of women whose doorsteps would be darkened by the most overrated television personality in history.  I guess he hadn't considered that there would soon be tremendous breakthroughs in erection technology and that he would want to have sex with his wife's sister all of the time.

If I hadn't mentioned it, HAHAHAAHAHAHAHA. I sort of feel bad for Larry's wife, but let's have a serious talk about these people. Let's say that Larry King is the Larry The Cable Guy. Not the most overrated comedian in history, but an actual cable guy. Are either of these women anywhere near him? Let's perform the "What Women Want" checklist.

Is he older than my father?

Is he unattractive?

Has he been married 7 times? Because I really need a man that shows he's not afraid to make a commitment.

Is he a know-it-all jerk?

I like men who look like giant, menacing birds. Does he?


And the most important question that seems to negate the rest...

Is he famous or loaded?

If Larry King is bagging groceries, he's not sporting little Miss Southwick or her sister on his arm. Of course, you could try to convince me that Larry's old balls aren't as disgusting as I think they might be or his mind is so brilliant that you can't stay away, but guess what? His balls are disgusting and he's not even that bright. He's above average in intelligence, I suppose, but there is nothing prolific coming out of this man's mouth. I guess he's an okay interviewer, but he's simply there because he has been, not because he's great. So why is this woman with him?

Here's an example of what I'm talking about:

Several years ago, Southwick would first accuse King of having an affair with her sister. Instead of  walking, she would force him to sign over his interest in his Beverly Hills estate and two other homes in Utah. We all have marital problems from tim to time, is this how we solve them?

"Your betrayal hurts me deeply. I'm going to need a house. Wait. Two houses. It still hurts a little. Ok, three houses. That feels good. We'll do three."

This is exactly the type of woman you do not want to have sign a prenup. You can trust that she'll be completely reasonable when you repeatedly mount her sister over a period of many years.

King will try to have the agreement nullified based on the fact he was bullied to sign it. "Your honor, my wife made me give her houses because I was sleeping with her sister. What a bitch, right? If she takes the houses in Utah, where are her sister and I supposed to have sex in Utah? A hotel? We're not animals, your honor."

Amidst the news of no prenup and with Southwick interviewing a gaggle of salivating attorneys, Larry King is about to be Ned Beatty in Deliverance, and I couldn't think of anyone more deserving. Ned certainly didn't deserve it. This one's for Ned.




MayoPie writes nonsense all of the time on his blog.

« Flashback Friday: Oregon Trail and Early Signs of Nerdery | Pop Culture Main | Mel Gibson Left His Girlfriend. Guess They Weren't Soulmates After All. »



The thought of Larry King's balls along with the "squeal like a pig" nod to Deliverance is frightening, to say the least.


Men who look like giant menacing birds -- you're killing me. Keep it up!

Apryl's Antics

Ned Beatty. Never before has a role been simultaneously so awesome and so horrible at the same time. You have to wonder what he thought when he accepted it: "Gee, it will be incredibly poignant for me to get ass raped by dangerously inbred mountain people, but I will always be associated with squealing like a pig. It's a tough choice, but I'm gonna do it."


In some cases -- not ALL cases, but SOME cases -- and DEFINITELY in THIS case -- man rape is funny.

Washington "Rub My Osteo Hump" Cube

Larry King married his latest bride, "just" before going in for potential life threatening heart surgery. He survived. Too bad for her. A lot of people have written about the "true love" aspect of this (and they are serious.) Let's look at things. She's young and attractive and she'll be wife number what? 7? 8? And she sees that as a viable, sound partner. That many wives? And who marries a man standing next to his hospital bed right before he goes in for surgery that could kill him (and that is absolutely true.) I mean think about it? This is your wedding memory? The story to share with the kiddies? "Daddy was gonna die, so I married him."

Here's my Larry King story, back when he was working out of NY and D.C.: He used to get his hair done in this foo foo French salon I used in Georgetown. The owner did his hair--what's left of it. There had a tiny VIP room in the back, but since my stylist liked to work back there, I got peep eyes into these things (and "no," I'm not a VIP.) Larry would come in, barely acknowledge the poor shampoo girls. NEVER tip them. Read newspapers (especially the tabloids) and throw them all over the floor, so that when he left they had to clean up his mess. The fact that he was rude and demeaning to underlings, and the fact he would create a mess that someone else had to clean up...spoke volumes to me about his personality. Every time I saw him I stared him down and glared at him. Just could not stand him. I couldn't agree with you more on his mediocrity. He's a nothing. A schlub. A momser. And no pre-nup? What an idiot. Paul McCartney still tops the stupidity list on that one, though.


Rub My Osteo Hump-


So you know, we love you around here. Keep up the good work.


I have to disagree. Rape jokes are never funny. For a website that's usually supportive & appropriate about violence issues, this was disturbing.




I don't know if you're aware of this, but Ned Beatty did not actually get raped.  I referred TO A SCENE IN A MOVIE. For you to claim I've stepped outside the bounds of "supportive and appropriate" about violence issues is ridiculous. If you're disturbed, it's not because pf anything I've said, CRABBY.


The comments to this entry are closed.

Read the Comments Policy »

« Flashback Friday: Oregon Trail and Early Signs of Nerdery | Main | Mel Gibson Left His Girlfriend. Guess They Weren't Soulmates After All. »

Blog Widget by LinkWithin