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Scott Baio Needs To Watch Out for those Lesbian Sh-tasses

Scott and Renee Baio with baby family This is exciting.  Scott Baio is in the news again.  No, not because of his talent or sharp-toothed good looks.  Because his wife Renee has a problem with "lesbian shitasses".  Hey Renee!  Who doesn't?  They ruin web sites, proms, the sacred institution of marriage - everything.  If they existed outside of Renee Baio's mind, they'd pose a real problem.

It turns out the lesbian shitasses in question are the entire staff of Jezebel.com.  The charming story kicked off when Scott Baio tweeted that he had finished his taxes, which would "feed, house & provide medical for a few lazy, non-working people at [his] expense".  I know, hilarious, right? I'm going to go have a steak tonight at an Outback and charge it to Scott Baio (Dear Scott: this steak sucks. Thx!!! from Palinode).

Anyway, jezebel.com picked up the tweet and published without comment in their "Tweet Beat"section.  And people, being people, made fun of Scott Baio for coming off as a tad insensitive.

Then Scott got angry.  And people continued to make fun of him as his tweets became increasingly, you know, ridiculous and redolent of barrel-bottom conservative paranoia.

And then his wife got angry.  Check out her most spectacular Facebook update:

RENEE-BAIO-facebook-update-status with lesbian shitasses Ah, that's fun stuff. Can I get a ROFLMAO for "cuntness"? How does one measure cuntness anyway?  Maybe there's cuntness radiation that scientists can detect.  And for that matter, how does one measure the amount of class in Scott Baio's piss?  Is that what life is like for C-list celebrities with sloping foreheads - send in your urine and a lab will provide you with a detailed report on how much class isn't being filtered out by your kidneys?  For an extra grand, they'll throw in a national average comparison to inform you how much more class you have than "all of you all" lesbian shitasses.

Surprisingly, Renee took some criticism for her reptilian display of anger, so she defended herself by claiming that she had lots of black lesbian friends:

RENEE-BAIO-facebook status update 
I'm glad Renee has true loyal lesbian friends.  I suppose they're so loyal that they don't mind when she throws their sexuality around as an insult.  Those are the good lesbians, see.

And what's BBAF?  Is that Big Beautiful Ass Friends?  I have a few of those.  True fact.

And lastly: With or without animals?  It speaks loudly to the state of Renee Baio's social consciousness that pet ownership is as crucial a distinction as race, sexuality and religion.  I guess when you live in a Botoxed shell, all aspects of life devolve into trivial choices. So I'm going to take a stand right now and proclaim that people with animals are animal-owning shitasses.  That's right: pet owners, CEOs of zoos, farmers, a guy standing next to a pigeon, myself - YOU'RE ALL SHITASSES.


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Wow. I think the only word I can use to accurately describe the Baios right now is "cunts." Sorry.


Laurie does not love Chachi. Or Renee. True FACT.


It's Christmas come early for Gawker Media, with this and the iPhone story on Gizmodo. Rule number one on engaging professional snarks: hysterically ranting at them on Twitter only gives them more reasons to live. A frivolous lawsuit or two would at least require them to get out of bed.


Apparently no one mentioned to Renee that along with the freedom of speech should come the backbone to stand up to the fallout. I love how saying "but I have friends who are ___" makes people think the stupid thing they've said is alright.


I must live under a rock. Do people really use the word "shitasses" in conversation?

There are just some people in this world that should not be allowed to take part in social media. Ridiculous.

Fawn Amber

This is nothing short of awesome. I love reading things stupid people say. Thank you for the LOL... :)


I thought I was thoroughly disgusted with the two of them through their whole reality stunt but now I am beyond. Plus it's quite clear they are both complete idiots. My favorite is when the Jezebel writer told Chachi "You, sir, hang yourself with your own rope" and he told HER she was being a racist! http://twitter.com/RealScottBaio/status/12238748599


OOH, it's OK, because Scott Baio is apparently "VERY VERY Rich".

A Vapid Blonde

I thought for sure she meant to type Cuteness, but I conferred with my own lesbian shitasses and they assured me that she did indeed mean cuntness as this is a "thing" in the lesbian culture.

Anywhooo....I have to go pee and see where I left my dignity.


I'm so confused. Why exactly is she so mad?

Fawn Amber

Also too, anyone who puts "the" in front of their name? Needs to be bitch slapped. By a lesbian shitass.


@jodifur - I think she's pissed off at jezebel.com because they reposted Scott Baio's exceedingly lame tweet about paying taxes. Then everybody made fun of Scott Baio. His wife is under the impression that jezebel.com is at fault. Somehow.


@Fawn Amber - Yeah, like that jerk at thepalinode.com. He needs a good slapping-to.


Renee Baio came *this* close to calling Jezebel.com a bunch of lesbian seagulls.


Hahaha when will people learn the "nuh-huh I have gay/lesbian/black/etc. friends!" excuse doesn't exempt you from being a bigoted jackass? In fact it makes you look even MORE ignorant. But, she married Scott Baio, so I guess we can't expect to much from her in the intelligence/critical thinking department.

Suzy Q

I'm feeling pretty good today. So, I think my Cuntness Level is only about a 6. It should go down to about a 4 after I've had a couple glasses of wine.


@Palinode, thank you for the explanation. I'm still not sure I get it. Is this something to be this angry about?


Yes, clearly Scott Baio's federal taxes are driving the comeback of the American economy. Charles In Charge residuals are what they're talking about when you discuss "trickle-down economics." What an arrogant fool.

Is this a family site? Because I wish Ice-T would tell this douche to eat a bowl of hot dicks.


Seriously? An animal-owning shitass? Palinode, you're making me reconsider my cats. sigh.

Washington "{s baaa}" Cube

I am so confuzzled. How did animals get into the mix? Does BBAF stand for Black Bulimic Animal Foinkers? Black Bear Ass Funk?

You know what? I just remember I haven't had dinner, and there is a bottle of KeKe "B"each Lime Liqueur in my refrigerator.

Bond Bearing Astute Funders?

This marijuana minute was brought to you by "B" is for Bedgasm.


@A Vapid Blonde: I was eating a pickle and snorted pickle juice through my nose when I read your comment! It hurt, so thanks a lot!
"...go pee and see where I left my dignity." Too funny.

Deb "Your Cuntness" Rox

Those Baios are just DRIPPING with classy piss! I so-very-much love the line about being a lesbian "because what man could put up with your cuntness." In fact, I've taken to asking people to refer to me as Your Cuntness. It just adds a nice touch to daily shitass discourse, I think.

With love,
Your Loyal Lesbian Friend


@Deb - "Shitass discourse?" Is that Foucauldian or something? Or are we deep into Judith Butler territory here, with performative shitass gender norms?


I've been thinking about this since I read it yesterday (because I guess I need other things to think about but I've been writing about Jessica Simpson and Britney Spears for two hours so it's a natural progression) and whereas I have not become a lesbian since then I think I have been inspired to become even more of a shitass. So thanks, Renee Baio. Thanks, Palinode. This is working out well for everyone.


This post and the comments are hilarious. I don't understand why renee and/or chachi got so worked up about it, but it sure is entertaining!!

*trying to come up with clever way to work "shitasses" into daily speech*

tanya c.

Gee, I wish I could land me a classy guy like Scott, a guy who resents paying taxes and has a wife who comes up with brilliant phrases like 'cuntness' and 'shitasses'.

Unfortunately, I have to confess, I shit out of my ass, and... *shame, shame* I have a cunt... Maybe if I keep watching Renee, I'll learn a thing or two about how to land one of those Scott's.

A Vapid Blonde

@Keri I know pickle juice burns when you snort it, is it the same for when you blow it out your nose?


Dear god, that was some funny shit. I bet her lesbian friends are awesome.


Goes easy on Mrs. Baio. I'm sure it's not easy having FASD.


Seriously, this makes me want to give up swearing forever. She's so crazy


Seriously, this makes me want to give up swearing forever. She's so crazy


Oh, mercy... I can't even remember the last time I laughed until I cried. This article and the subsequent comments need to be nominated for Funniest Shit Ever. I also really dig the use of Your Cuntness as a title... totally stealing that. ;)

Oh, and for the record, my husband got very indignant as I read this article to him. He claims that shitass is his very favorite insult (lulz). So there you have it. At least one person uses it in conversation, if shouting insults randomly can be considered conversation.

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