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Zombies With Big Cans in 3D Now. Because Of Course It Is.

BTZ3-sword chopping big tits zombies in 3d sola aoi sora aoiThe thing is...I love Japan. The complete uniqueness of the culture, the unspoken social nuances, the coolness with nudity...it all makes the Japanese film industry a wonderland of the weird and perverse. (from the standpoint of our prudish American sensibilities.) That's why I feel it is my journalistic duty to discuss Big Tits Zombie in 3D. I need to break down cultural barriers so that people both here and abroad can enjoy hot Japanese school girls killing bloodthirsty undead hordes. I'm like the personification of "We Are The World" in other words.

There is so much I could say about Big Tits Zombie in 3D, that I really don't even know where to start. maybe I'll let the press release do the talking for me:

"Dear My Friends, 

Are you already bored with the movies about girls in school uniforms swinging their weapons around? What? Ninja? Geisha girls? No, no, that's all way too old fashioned. But the waiting is over as we present an incredibly Japanese style of movie. And look, if you're bored with watching recent mass‐produced erotica and those grotesque movies, we are offering a new challenge, something awesome! Yes, 3D! "

I was just thinking the other day that one thing my porn was lacking was "challenge". I guess that's when, in a porno,  a lady in a slinky negligee wiggles out of her panties and then POW! instead of her naughty bits all you can see is pictures from Darfur or Bill O'Reilly's face. That would be an incredible challenge I think. Here's more press release because it really is brilliant:

"Our new movie is about pretty girls with big tits and zombies and it's in 3D! It will be absolutely the best movie you have ever seen. No mistake. It's a violent, action movie full of taboos. It's up to you to watch it or not. Are you ready? "

The best movie I've ever seen? Hell Yeah, I'm ready!

Big tits zombies in 3d-weird-blue-dude

I don't even know what to say about this guy. He's like Avatar and a sheep made a baby. 

More press release, because I couldn't write anything this funny if I tried:

They said it would be impossible to put that story on the big screen but we did! And, as a special treat, our new movie "Big Tits Zombie" is in 3D (anaglyph method)! Yes, exactly as you imagine, big tits will pop up right in front of your face! Meanwhile, the hideous zombies will close in on and fight against the scantily‐dressed girls.

They. They are always saying things are impossible. Like going to the moon. Or unraveling DNA. They are weak and small-minded and obviously don't know the first thing about how awesome 3D boobies are. What other way are you going to see 3D breasts? I mean BESIDES getting a girlfriend. Let's leave the fiction up to the professionals at Big Tits Zombie in 3D, okay? But what about the star of the show? Let's hear a little about her!

"Charming Sola Aoi who has a splendid figure (bust: 35 inches/ waist: 23 inches/ Hip: 33 inches) is the star of the film. Sola has a baby face and a dynamite body. Her unbalanced attractions made her a big star in the world of adult videos and recently she started appearing in films and TV dramas. She is not only popular in Japan but also in other Asian countries, especially Taiwan, where she is nicknamed 'Baby Face Big Tits.'  "

Such a cute nickname! She must be so proud! To be known for both her sexiness and her ability to look like a child! Win/win. Big Tits Zombie in 3D will open in the US probably never. I mean, I could research when it might open, but really...we both know it'll be on the internet long before then. Go check it out. Perv.

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Suzy Q

OMG, this movie has EVERYTHING! Incuding the "analglyph method," heretofore only known amongst seriously arcane sex researchers and 12-year-old boys.

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