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Dick Story is Not At All What You Think.

Adjustment-bureau-matt-damon-emily-blunt  The Adjustment Bureau is the next Philip K. Dick story to get a Hollywood Treatment. And no, that isn't some weird sex thing involving light-bulbs and anal lube. Okay, maybe it is, but that's not what the movie is about. 

It stars Matt Damon, as a senator who meets Emily Blunt and falls in love with her but than bad guys including Terrance Stamp,show up and tell him he has to stop humping her or else he'll ruin his life. And they tell him this by stopping time and acting scary and weird and using the force and claiming they are in charge of monitoring the whole world. Now I don't know about you, but I don't like anyone telling me who I can or can't hump, and ye,s I'm talking to YOU Mr. Judge-who-dispenses-restraining-orders-a-little-too-willy-nilly. Damon's character feels the same way I guess, because he gets all freaked out and runs away like a scared little baby. I don't see what the big deal is. Oooo! A guy in a hat is in my bedroom! Waaa! What other scary thing do you have lined up? A lady smoking a pipe in the bathroom. Man up, Damon.

The trailer starts off with the a slow motion sentence reveal that goes "Life....is a series...." and it took so long to get to the last word that I added my own better words like " of dinosaurs" and  " of Pop-Tarts©" and "of faceless women who never call me back after drunken kisses behind the bar once they get done vomiting".  But the words the trailer was getting too, eventually, was "of events." And then I hit my head with my palm and was like "Oh yeah. Totally. What was I thinking?" Man, those Hollywood guys sure know how to walk the cutting edge of trailer making. "Life is a series of events". Where do they think up this shit? <--- This is so sarcastic it just kicked an ironic kitten out of it's "Hang in there!" tree.

I would be way happier if life was a series of dinosaurs...just for the record.

Emily Blunt, as I mentioned back when I was more sober, is in this film too playing someone British and hot, and that really isn't mush of a stretch for her, because according to my vast network of spies she is in fact, British and hot. Sometimes art imitates life and other times life imitates art, and that's why I keep fondling this 8 1/2" x 11" print out of Emily Blunt's chest and whisper sweet nothings into this teddy bear that is in roughly the right place to be her head. I love you fluffy, button-eyed, Emily Blunt. I totally don't think I only like you because of your access to Meryl Streep's phone number. Will I ever get tired of referencing The Devil Wears Prada? No. No, I will not.

This post is really getting away from me. Here's the trailer for The Adjustment Bureau. I think it's interesting that Matt Damon wears a fedora near the end and the scary guys he's running from wear fedoras, but Emily Blunt is only wearing a shirt. Why don't they all just take them off? They must hate me.








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Comments

Washington "Time To Die" Cube

Why Don't Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep? I'll tell ya why. They can't sleep worrying over which Philip K. Dick story is gonna get screwed up next.

P.S. I have all of his books. :)

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah

All I know is that the title of this post made me snort.

It would have normally been that bad, but my parents are here and I had to explain it to them.




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