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Die Hard 5: Die Really Super Freaking Hard

Diehard-john-mcclaneJohn McClane has terrible luck. First he went to L.A. and Hans Gruber took his Christmas Party hostage, then he is flew out of Washington D.C. and terrorists take Dulles hostage, then he was in New York and Hans Gruber's brother Simons tracked him down and messed with him, then he got mixed up with Homeland Security and had to help them save the United States from internet terrorists.

You would think John McClane would retire.

You would hope John McClane would retire. 

You would not be that lucky. You would be wrong with a vengeance.

Picture 8
 

See what I did there? I am such a card.

John McClane is not the only unlucky one. You guessed it - they are making Die Hard 5. Fox is currently in talks with Skip Woods, the screenwriter responsible for both X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Swordfish.

Wow. If I had to think about the last three Die Hard films (I absolutely and unapologetically adore the first one) and the part that I could bear to sit through of X-Men Origins: Wolverine I am going to go ahead and predict that this movie will be a gigantic suckfest featuring a smooth talking bad guy. Maybe they will get Clancy Brown or Dennis Hopper or Hey! I hear Kiefer Sutherland and Charlie Sheen may be looking for some work.

Bruce Willis (I assume he will sign on again) has said that he hopes McClane will go worldwide this time. My guess is that he is either trying to score a free trip overseas or he is just scared to death that this time they will have him some Justin Bieber type hacking his grandchild's facebook account.

The big question is what will is be called? The MamaPop think tank has come up with some suggestions:

Die Hardest: The Kickspit O' DED

Coming soon, die hard 57, Iron Lungs have never been so sexy.....or LETHAL

Die Hard 5 "Die Even Yet More Harderer"

Die Hard 5: Dying The World's Hardest Death: Hard To The Extreme: Titanium Death.

Die Hard 5: Death IN YO FACE, Hard:  Really Fucking Hard Like Steel: The Deadest

Die Hard 5: your grandma will knit your ass a new death. And it will be hard. Maybe even harder.

DIE HARD 5: DED OF CUTE: John McLean was a cop. A cop confronted by tiny, mewling kittens. Now, no force on Earth can save him. 

DIe Hard 8: Oops! I Die-Harded My Pants!

Die Hard 5: Diamond Death.

Die Hard 5: Rocky 6

Die Hard 5: MacDeth.

Die Hard 5: Rosencrantz and McLean are Dead.

Die Hard 5: 99 Problems, But Being Dead Ain't One.

Die Hard 5: The Deader They Come, They Deader They Die

Die Hard 5: Minutes To Save The World - THE MUSICAL! Starring: Timberlake.

DIE HARDESTERER WITH 17 LETHAL WEAPONS AND 10 SAWS: DED BY PLUTONIUM INJECTED FORKSTABBING.

Die Hard 5: Viagra Made Me Die Harder

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After that the suggestions kind of got out of control so I will stop, but I leave you with this: Die Hard 5 will be coming in 2012, like it or not. Feel free to suggest plot lines, no matter what it is it has to be better than Live Free or Die Hard.
 

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Goon Squad Sarah is making fists with her toes.







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Comments

Jen O.

Die Hard 5: Fuck Being Alive; Dead Is More Fun. (it's a zombie film now)

norm

I like "Rosencrantz and McClane Are Dead." Maybe Tom Stoppard would write the screenplay and it would be unexpectedly awesome. Yippee-ki-yay, Polonius!

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah

@norm - Tim Roth could play Al.

Suzy Q

Die Hard: Back from the Dead




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