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Gleecap - Laryngitis

Puck loses his mohawk and his mojo  Thanks again to Miss Banshee for another outstanding gleecap. This week's theme: Lost mojos. I've got mine back, so let's begin!

Last week, Kurt found that awesome video of Sue doing "Physical" and posted it to YouTube; Quinn made the Glist, ranking the hotness of the glee club members and prompting Rachel to make the video that cooled Jesse's affections; and Emma dumped Will for being a player.


We open with the buzz of hair clippers, the silent falling of hair: Puck is shaving off his mohawk! NOOOO! The PuckCam glides down the halls of McKinley to hushed points and stares, until he enters the choir room. The glee club gazes with confusion and horror, and Brittany asks, “who is that guy?”  Santana doesn’t look so sure herself. Later she sits with Puck, who explains that his mom found a mole while washing his hair and made him get it checked out, so bye-bye mohawk. “Your mom still washes your hair?” Valid question, Santana. Puck feels like the guy who lost all his hair and then lost all his strength. “Samson?” Santana guesses. Puck: “Agassi.” Poor Puck. Nerds can look you in the eye and Santana is “totally not turned on by you right now.” There there, come to Amber. I'll make it all better.

And it gets worse: Puck gets dumpstered by Jewfro and the nerd squad. It seems without his hair, he’s like a toddler with a loose lid on his sippy cup: no more juice! Payback’s a bitch, but Puck takes the dumpstering with quiet acceptance while he contemplates whether it’s worth living when he sucks so bad. As he lies amid the garbage, Puck realizes mojo is not forever lost—he just needs to date a Cheerio to get it back. Mercedes used to be a loser and now she’s all kinds of cool.  “Get ready, black girl from glee club whose name I can’t remember right now, because the Puckster is about to make you his.” 

In the choir room, Rachel whines to Will that the other kids aren’t pulling their weight. She had the AV club put hidden mics in the choir room to see who isn’t singing, in exchange for Mallomars and Snickers. Yeah, we get it, writers, the president of the AV Club is fat. Way to dig deep. Rachel gives a list of the vocal slackers to Shue, and it comprises half the glee club.


Puck approaches Mercedes at her locker to tell her about how King Martin Luther really dug on Semites, so she should cruise with him. Mercedes is patently unimpressed by Puck’s Wikipedia research, so he launches into his proposition: he needs an image boost, and while Mercedes is popular, she would be more popular with some arm candy, so how about they join forces with some light making out. In return, Puck will continue being completely hot. Um, Mercedes? TAG ME IN! TAG ME IN! I’LL DO IT! I’LL MAKE OUT WITH PUCK! You know, um...for science. 

Mercedes quickly shuts him down. “Baby, I just am not attracted to you. [again: ME ME ME! I'LL DO IT!] Plus I know what you do to the girls you date. You knock them up and then you hang them out to dry.” Puck clarifies that he and Quinn weren’t dating, and it's not his fault if he can’t be tied down: ‘I’m like a sex shark. If I don’t keep moving, I die.” Mercedes stops him before he embarrasses himself further. “You’re top 40, I’m rhythm and blues.”

At practice, Will admonishes the club. He is “very. disappointed” with the slacking singers and wants to know why they stopped singing. Finn stopped because Jesse gets all the solos now; Santana doesn’t see why it matters if she sings or not, since her job is to look hot; Quinn’s baby hormones are making her moody; Brittany: "there are so. many. lyrics." Will gives all the slackers an assignment. Because the glee club has “lost its voice,” they will all have to prepare a song that best embodies their “voice” and sing it in front of the club.

Kurt talks to Mercedes excitedly about the assignment when he runs into his dad, who is at school to pick up Finn for a Reds game. “Why wasn’t I invited?” Burt says every time he turns on a game, Kurt complains about the players wearing stirrup pants. “Because there’s never. an excuse. for stirrup pants!” Kurt impatiently exclaims. The hurt look on his face, however, isn’t about crimes against pants—it’s about sibling rivalry, and Finn's not even his brother yet.

Back in the practice room Puck, still trying to woo Mercedes, tells her, “Girl you got more curves than a Nissan ad.” Mercedes remains unimpressed. Rachel volunteers to go first with her assignment: Miley Cyrus’s “The Climb,” which helps express her current struggle to overcome the odds, namely the fact that she's carrying the rest of the club. She starts to sing and...and it’s...um, it’s even worse than listening to Miley Cyrus, if you can believe that.  Mercifully, Will stops her and says he thinks she’s lost her voice.

As Kurt examines his face at his locker mirror, Sue approaches to inquire about his absence at practice. He begins to explain—to someone who probably couldn’t care less than anyone else in the world—that he’s afraid he may be losing his dad because of his sexuality. Sue says he can’t know what his sexuality is since he hasn’t even kissed a boy or a girl, and liking showtunes doesn’t make him gay; it makes him awful. Only one person can tell Kurt who he is, and that’s Sue Sylvester, and she hasn’t made her mind up about him yet. Kurt starts to talk about the glee assignment until Sue stops him: “I checked out of this conversation about a minute ago, so good luck with your troubles, and I’m going to make it a habit not to stop and talk to students, because this has been a colossal waste of my time.” Oh, thank goodness. I thought perhaps she had a fever.

Back at home, Kurt, has transformed himself into a Mini Burt Hummel, only he looks more like Hillary Swank in Boys Don't Cry. Kurt tells his dad he's gonna sing “Pink Houses” for his glee assignment, and asks Burt out for burgers to talk more about the recurring theme of the jaded American dream in Mellencamp’s oeuvre.

Rachel, meanwhile, lies in the doctor’s office with Finn sitting next to her, awaiting news about her throat. She’s scared because, without her voice, she’s just a spoiled, annoying only child. But she's very self-aware, so she has that going on, too. Finn says there’s lots more awesome things about Rachel than her voice, but when she fishes for examples, he deflects. “Look...it’s not like he’s going to say you’ll never sing again." And right on cue the doctor enters: “Bad news, Rachel, you’ll never sing again.” Ha! No, not really—she just needs her tonsils out. The only thing is, Rachel refuses to have them removed, lest the surgery ruin her precious voice. Rolling his eyes, the doc gives her antibiotics and hopes she won’t find that they “adversely affect [her] dance moves.” I think perhaps this doctor knows our Ms. Berry all too well. 

Finn points out that it is he and not Rachel’s precious Jesse who is there for her and asks if she thinks Jesse would stick around for her if she became a “vocal cripple.” It seems Jesse hasn’t been giving her the time of day anyway; they haven’t spoken since the “Run Joey Run” debacle. At any rate, Finn has found his voice, as he launches into his glee assignment: “Jesse’s Girl.” Rachel looks conflicted as Finn does that thing he does where he drums to compensate for the fact that when he dances it's like Frankenstein’s monster having a seizure. 

Puck asks to go next and brings in his “brothers” from the jazz band. He has also joined a black church, and DLed everything Sammy Davis Jr. ever did. He sings “The Lady is a Tramp.” Mercedes is at first appalled, then finally charmed by his dance moves and joins Puck. I LOVE THIS NUMBER! Santana? Not so much. 


Mercedes is loving the positive attention she's getting from her new relationship with Puck when she runs into Quinn in the halls. Mercedes braces for a verbal beating but, surprisingly, Quinn says go for it. Here we learn two important things. 1) QUINN IS LIVING WITH PUCK! MYSTERY SOLVED! 2) Puck's mother is evil, because she won't let a pregnant woman eat bacon, which is grounds for justifiable homicide in most midwestern states, if I'm not mistaken. Quinn is grateful that someone else will have to hear about how Super Mario Brothers changed civilization, but Mercedes should know Puck's only using her for her new popularity. Mercedes doesn't seem to care and says her heart is safe. Quinn isn't worried about Mercedes's heart, but rather her pretty face, because it's only a matter of time before Santana goes full on feral and scratches it clean off her skull.

At glee club, Kurt—in a trucker cap and down vest—volunteers to be next with his weekly assignment, and he appears to have watched Brokeback Mountain a few times in preparation. He begins butching it up with Pink Houses, with a machismo that's about as convincing as Dolly Parton would be in an amateur drag king act. When he finishes, Will says it doesn't seem Kurt really understand the assignment, which was to find a song that expresses who you are. He worries Kurt is trying to be someone else, but Kurt tells him, “I’m not a box. there are more than four sides to me.” Will may not have been a fan, but Brittany seemed to like the performance. She says she’s made out with every guy in school except Kurt, because she thought he was gay. Now that he's not, however, it would mean a lot to her to keep a perfect record, “so let me know if you want to tap this.”

Later, Rachel walks the halls eating Cheerios and looking like Fantine from Les Miz right before she bites it. Finn tells her she looks like she’s sleepwalking, but "that would require SLEEP," she barks. He tells her just to stop feeling sorry for herself and get the damn surgery already, but she insists that the risk is too much—she is her voice.  “I'm like Tinkerbell, Finn. I need applause to live!” Finn tells her he has a friend he wants her to meet, but it’s not a doctor. Um, is he taking her to a witch doctor? Because I feel primetime has been awfully low on the black arts lately. If this were the Joss episode, I bet it'd be a witch doctor.

After the commercial break, Kurt makes out with Brittany, stopping her wandering hands. Her lips taste like root beer, and he nonchalantly asks her what boys’ lips taste like: "Usually dip. Sometimes they taste like burgers. Or my armpits. Kissing my armpits is a really big turn on for me." Kurt’s dad walks in, having found the sign Kurt posted asking him not to enter under any circumstances, as he is making out with girl. Mr. Hummell figured it was the start of one of Kurt's murder mystery parties. While he is confused, Burt tells Kurt he's free to be whomever he is, and when he figures it out, he'd like to know. He leaves those crazy kids on their own, telling them to be safe and use protection, which elicits some Wisdom from Brittany:  “Does he mean like a burglar alarm?”

The next day, Puck is talking about Super Mario Brothers 3, but Mercedes cuts him off, saying she has needs, like him shutting up about video games and getting her an iced coffee. Decaf. As Puck trots off to fetch her beverage, he notices Jewfro averting his eyes in the halls.  Puck slams Jewfro against the lockers for an explanation; Jewfro says the nerds are scared of Puck again; his cool meter is rising in light of the steaming mug of hot chocolate he’s dating. Puck revels in Jewfro's renewed fear, takes his lunch money, and says his girlfriend requires a Frappuccino. Mercedes is feeling good until she runs into Santana. It appears Santana is done stewing and ready to take Mercedes to the carpet—vocally. 

They sing each other down to "The Boy is Mine" and have a ponytail-flip-off, which I think Santana might have won on account of the length of her ponytail. Puck seems to be enjoying the attention, and the song ends with each girl one meow away from a full on catfight. Will separates them and Santana hisses,  “enjoy it while you can, Weezy, his hair’s already starting to grow back.” Wow, Santana really is gunning for head cheerleader.


In the parking lot, Puck has organized an assembly line of jocks, engaged in the orderly dumpstering of the nerds, one by one. Mercedes says no man of hers will be pulling stuff like this, but Puck protests that this is the natural order: they’re at the top of the heap, so she’s just gotta get used to watching her man throw nerds in the garbage. 

Finn takes Rachel to see his friend Sean, who was paralyzed from the upper chest down in a football game. Rachel keeps trying to leave, but Finn wants Sean to tell her his story. Sean says when it first happened, he was really pissed off. He used to lie in bed and scream. Rachel tries to leave again, but Finn makes her stay and presses Sean, “Tell her about what happened when they gave you the chair.” Sean: “they were all excited because I could drive it myself by blowing in that tube. The second they left me alone, I drove it into the swimming pool."  His mom pulled him out when she heard the splash. Rachel asks if the point is that he’s happy now. Not exactly. “I miss my body, I miss my life, I miss my friends, I miss girls. But I realized over time that I have other stuff going on. I'm more than just one thing. Did you know I’m good at math?” He can sing, too, only he didn’t have the balls to try out for his school’s club like Finn did. Basically, Sean wishes he hadn’t spent so much time thinking football was all he had going for him. As she and Finn get up to leave, Rachel thanks him. "For what?" “Just...thank you.”

Puck notices Mercedes is no longer wearing her Cheerios uniform. She quit, saying she doesn’t feel like herself as a Cheerio. Now what is Sue supposed to do about that Mariah Carey number? "Ten straight minutes of vocal runs." Oh dear god, take it out back and shoot it, please—and take Mariah with you. Mercedes says being an outcast taught her to be true to who she is and maybe Puck should think about that. She doesn’t like the guy who throws people in dumpsters, and doesn't think Puck likes him much, either. Honestly, I think Puck is the kind of guy who likes to sing and dance AND throw people in dumpsters. He's got layers.

Kurt has apparently replaced Santana as Brittany's partner in holding hands down the hallways, and it seems he may have softer hands than Santana's. They're like a baby's. Wisdom from Brittany: "Now I know what it’s like to date a baby.” Kurt’s dad calls to him: he's there to take Finn out for some hoagies and motocross. Kurt is beyond hurt. Here he is, putting on this weak butch act, and his dad is still giving Finn all the attention. A crestfallen Kurt launches into "Rose's Turn" from Gypsy, taking some liberties with the lyrics. It's really astounding how talented Chris Colfer is in his element, and this performance was easily the best of the episode. The lights dim and a single pair of hands applauds: his dad's. “That was some serious singing, kid.” 


Burt says he blew off the date with Finn once he saw how upset Kurt was. Kurt says he's fine, but Burt says, "fine don’t sing like you just sung.” Burt acknowledges that he's still working on how to relate to Kurt, but it's not always easy. Kurt says it hurts to see his dad with Finn, how easy it is. That's why he's trying to meet him in the middle. However, Burt tells Kurt that his job is to be himself. 

Burt: "My job is to love you no matter what. That and a majority ownership in the tire shop is all we got.” 

Kurt: "I miss you dad."


Rachel goes back to Sean’s. She thanks him again: "Just because I’m not good at anything other than singing doesn’t mean I'm not any good if I can’t sing." She offers him singing lessons. Her voice is back due to antibiotics, mysterious herbal remedies, and a vow of silence. She will probably eventually have her tonsils out, but she isn't scared anymore. Sean asks if she wants to sing together now and tells her to take his hand. He can’t feel it, but remembers how it felt before, and can see it, so it’s kind of like he can feel it. I realized then that I've never imagined what it would be like to not feel someone holding your hand and got really teary. Again. The song doesn't help. They sing "One" by U2. Oh, and Rachel called it classic rock. WHAT? CLASSIC? This song was on the first album I bought on CD. OH GOD I HATE YOU, RACHEL BERRY!

The choir joins in and sing the song in an arrangement I'm not crazy about, ending with Rachel and Sean singing alone and um, well, *bawl*. Well, thanks for exacerbating the effects of my menstrual cycle this week, Ryan Murphy Productions.  


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Glee is killing my itunes budget! Right after the show I run and download like every song! I have to stop!


I feel like I cry every time Kurt and Burt share the screen. They're amazing.

Suzy Q

"The Lady is a Tramp" was the best part of the ep. That was glorious.


Wait. Kurt's dad is Burt? That was a hell of a show tune.

Does anybody else think that the whole Jesse storyline was all just a buildup to Jesse's Girl? My husb and i thought it seemed a little too convenient.


I loved "The Lady is a Tramp" as well as Kurt's second solo. It was just so deliciously Kurt haha.
And I am SO glad to know where Quinn is living. That was driving me nuts :P


I fell just a little bit more in love with the show for getting Jesse's Girl in there so perfectly - weather planned or not, awesomeness!!

I was kinda hoping they'd have Brittany do a solo just because I'm curious as to what wacked out song they would come up with for her.

And I just love Kurt to pieces. I need a Kurt in my life!


LOL about the "classic rock" comment -- I was caught up on that as well. Made me feel ancient! (And that's the last thing I need this year, as I'm turning, gulp, 40.)

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