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I Was Going To Go See "A Nightmare On Elm Street" But No Way, Man!

Freddy You don't understand. The original "A Nightmare On Elm Street" fucked me up. I was thirteen, I was alone, and what I thought was going to be a quiet evening of touching myself turned into a nightmare of my own.

A lot of people forget this, but it was Johnny Depp that got sucked into his waterbed and turned into a blood geyser. A waterbed that looked eerily similar to the waterbed in which I would be sleeping that evening. Huh.

Nightmare-on-elm-street-johnny-depp


Out of all the horror movies I've ever seen, "A Nightmare On Elm Street" fucked me up the most. You see, when I was thirteen, I was alone most of the time. My parents had recently divorced and neither were around. The sis was in her first year at school and I was living the life of which every thirteen year old boy dreams. Then that fucker Freddy showed up and ruined it all.

I had the dreams, people. The scraping of metal, the creepy jump-roping girl, the Freddy popping up no matter where I went... it was as if the movie played out in my mind almost nightly. It was terrifying and I didn't want to go to sleep. Until the day I realized I was probably kicking his ass.

I was opening my eyes the next morning. I wasn't getting sucked into my waterbed. I would awaken without so much as a scratch. This is when I knew that in my dreams, I have super powers. Remember that if you come to my dreams wanting a piece of me.

In all seriousness (which I am against), this movie strikes fear into me that I can feel right in my loins. For some reason, Freddy Krueger just has my fear number. I look at Jason and Mike Myers and think, "ehhhh... I'm a brisk jog or a reliable vehicle away from solving that problem." But not Freddy. He's wherever you go. I hate him for that.

Jackie Earle Haley replaces Robert Englund as Freddy in the remake that I want to kick Hollywood in the balls for making, and that might be the only thing that will get me to see this movie. I think there's a way I can trick my mind to not be afraid. Instead of this:

Freddy-krueger


I'll picture this:


Jackie-Earle-Haley



 



MayoPie writes nonsense all of the time on his blog.






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Comments

Keli

Dude. The original messed me up forever, too. Most of my nightmares involved Freddy when I was young.

I still went to see the new one this weekend and guess what? They pretty much remade the old one with a lot of the same shots.

I was not scared at all. It just pissed me off. Come up with something original.

Kathryn

Freddy fucked me up too. He is the reason I slept with a light on well into my 20's. I even dreamt as a kid that he came to my birthday party. I feel like I have to see this movie to kind of prove to myself - and him - that he DON'T SCARE ME NO MO'!

Washington "Boo...Ah Say Booyah (Channeling Foghorn Leghorn)" Cube

I don't think I'll go see it--not if it's a play by play redo of the original. I felt the same when they remade Psycho with Anne Heche. It was naught but a shadow.

The joy of really well-made horror films is that they do affect you the way you describe. Most don't. I'm not sure what was the most disturbing aspect of the movie for me. I suppose the "can even enter and control your dreams" part.

It's funny seeing that youthful picture of Jackie Earle Daley and consider what he's been doing lately: playing self-castrating pedophiles and locked away on Shutter Island.

JenGid

My parents and brother both had waterbeds, I wouldn't go in either room after seeing this movie much less lay on them. I think the waterbed industry could directly correlate this movie to the bed's loss of popularity. No way I'd watch this remake.

Jen O.

The original was played at a 5th grade sleepover. I hid in the corner, tucked inside my sleeping bag with my fingers in my ears.

DianaCLT

Jen. O...were you at my 5th grade sleepover? Because I actually convinced my parents to rent this for my friends and me, for my birthday slumber party. If you grew up on the Central Coast of CA...we gotta catch up. ;~)

Katharama

I would recommend skipping the remake, because it's just plain terrible. Jackie Earle Haley looks more like an alien than Freddy, the teens were plastic and even less developed than the cast of the original, it was apparently cobbled together from several different scripts, and - while it was not a play-by-play remake of the original - it did keep some of the scenes/scares...and didn't do them justice. I had to go home and immediately watch the original (and Dream Warriors) to make up for that travesty.

helenel

It is because of the original of this movie that I cannot relax in a bathtub. Also, I sometimes worry about tongues coming out of my phone. Not a lot. But sometimes.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

And there's this Danish movie called "The Substitute" that is fantastic. It's a horror movie aimed at children, but it works just as well for grown-ups, and it proves you don't need graphic gore to scare the audience I highly recommend that one, if you haven't seen it.




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