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My Ten-Year-Old Son Reviews Iron Man 2

Ironman-2-flying  Maybe you're thinking I am too distinguished to review such a pedestrian film as Iron Man 2 and you would be completely right except for this time. So thank you for the kind sentiment. I raise my plastic champagne glass filled with a mixture of Jolt© Cola and Code Red Mt. Dew to you and giggle like an ugly girl asked to the prom by the star athlete with no detection of the horrible embarrassment awaiting her. I did however, take my son to go see it and he had some keen insight into the filmmakers vision, so I thought I'd share it.

Iron Man 2 stars "Sherlock Holmes" in the adventure of a lifetime and this adventure doesn't involve mysterious professors in shadow and the invention of radio detonators but rather killer robots with lightning arms and crazy pet cockatoos and daddy issues from beyond the grave. There are several new variants of the Iron Man armor on display in the film which, according to top researchers at the local comic bookstore, are "totally not realistic representations of the armors shown in official Iron Man canon" (*wipes cheetos dust off mouth with sleeve*). My son seemed to think that "there shoulda been more new power-ups and weapons" and "How are we supposed to believe the new energy core is more powerful if they don't show more than TWO new attacks?!" A fine question my boy. If I wasn't busy putting myself in a diabetic coma via the 64 oz Coke you made me buy you, I might be able to ask.

But how does he feel about the film in general? Was Iron Man 2 a worthy successor to the original which I believed he called "The Greatest Movie Ever" when it came out?(He calls every movie he sees "The Greatest Movie Ever". Even Transformers 2. I maybe need to have him tested for ADD. Transformers 2?! Really? It's like he just grew eyes or something.) The answer is a definitive "run around in circles on the way out of the theater making explosion and Pew!Pew!Pew! laser noises and then screaming across the lobby that he has to pee and then passing out on the drive home" So I think we can all agree that is the ten-year-old version of a "thumbs up". As for me, if you ask me in a week what the key plot point differences were between Iron Man 1 and Iron Man 2, I would say "Um. I think there was a bird in the second one". Otherwise? Pretty much the same movie.

But that actually works. So I'm not complaining. It's not like I expected a performance art version of "Thus Spake Zarathustra" out of John Favreau's ultra-successful commercial franchise. No, more like that one episode of Scooby Doo were they team up with Jerry Reed and he sings the funny cajun songs while they fight a ghost. A little funny, a little exciting...but nothing unexpected. I think the addition of Scarlett Johansson as a killer, lady, super-acrobat-spy-assassin adds a little in the "hey maybe I'm a geek but I DO have needs" department. So that's a plus. Gwyneth Paltrow, while lovely in her own right, seems better suited to playing the whiny and annoying Pepper Potts than to handle the "I want to go home and masturbate into my Yoda puppet over you" duties than Johansson manages so adeptly. Of Robert Downey Jr's performance, I can only offer the highest award I have, which is a "I got Wasted in Tijuana" T-shirt with a big guacamole stain in the one armpit. He is, in my opinion, all the Johnny Depp one person can be without being over-wrought in that annoying Johnny Depp way. His performance is funny and subtle at times, and quietly ludicrous at others. Awesome.

Iron-man-2-scarlett-johansson

Meow! Kitty's got claws!! (*wonders what the hell I'm saying*) 

The only criticism my son had, apart from the absence of appropriate firepower displays, was "the snogging at the end was kinda gross" which is exactly the sort of thing one becomes inclined to say when your entire sexual education has thus far been gleaned from reading Harry Potter books. Way to go, Buddy. You are shaping up to be a world-class geek, just like your old man. It'll be lonely in High School, kiddo. Here. You can borrow my Yoda puppet. You'll understand in a few years. 







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Comments

Cobblestone

I totally agree with that 10 year old, including the end being gross. Seriously? We needed a Moonlighting "death of of the lust" storyline??? It is only the second movie!!

BHJ

Scarletttttt.

Jen O.

I want her hair. I think that if I just had her hair, all would be right in the world. And maybe her boobs. I'd take her boobs, too.

Washington "Iron(ing) Woman" Cube

Loved the "Pew!Pew!Pew!" laser noises part..and the imagery of running around a theatre lobby making them.

Thanks to Son of Kurt for giving us this insightful review and proving he's a chip off the ole bloggin' block.

Coach Handbags

Awesome write-up, I'm a huge believer in placing comments on weblogs to allow the blog editors know they've created something of value to the world wide web!

EB

Hilarious, though I will never look at Yoda puppets the same way. Thanks for that.




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