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Rage Against the Baby Bump Watch

Halle-berry-baby-bump1 You know what pisses me off? The baby bump watch.

No shit. Everybody thought Gwen Stefani was pregnant. They were all excited about #3!

Picture 6

You know what? Gwen isn't pregnant. She was wearing loose shirts. Who knows why? Not me. Maybe she was bloated. Maybe she was gassy. Maybe she put on five pound and she didn't want the internet to judge her.

Or maybe she really was and lost the baby and doesn't want to talk about it.

Listen, I don't really think Gwen Stefani has a miscarriage. I think she probably just likes that shirt, but if she did or even if she just had a bad week and felt puffy I say shame on the baby bump watchers. Really, a loose shirt does not a pregnant person make.

I find the entire concept of a "baby bump watch" distasteful. Let a lady PMS in peace. Nobody wants to be photographed bloated, but it is worse when people decide it means you are pregnant.

. . . . .

Goon Squad Sarah still has a leftover baby bump from 2004 and she double dog dares you to say she looks pregnant.

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Bitchin' Amy

I was actually disappointed that Gwen wasn't pregnant. Because I am mean-spirited and wish three sons on EVERYONE who has two sons and makes it looks easy.

I can't help it, it's just the way I am!



(mostly because people thought i was pregnant everytime I attempted a loose-blousey shirt last summer)(I wasn't. I just don't have a loose-blousey shirt physique)


Bitchin' Amy, I have three sons and actually get tired of people saying, 'Ohhhh, I can't IMAGINE having three boys!" or "You must have interesting days!" Like, because they're boys they must be trashing the house or swinging from the chandelier or something. Hmph.


Eh, I get the annoyance, but as a first time pregnant person I look at EVERYBODY now to see whether they might be PG. (And now that I'm looking for them, pregnant people are everywhere.) So I was actually excited to see Gwen's apparent Sea Bands-as-fashion-accessories. Because celebrities! They're just like us! And I was hoping that Kate Hudson hadn't succumbed to boob job pressure.


And no one in the media feels the embarrassed sting of the raised eyebrow response to the question, "So? When are you due?"

Because I asked that once (innocently and in error) and immediately wished I was dead.

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