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Sex And The City 2 Opens Today: Start Your Cosmos, Ladies

Sex-and-the-city-2-cropped Will it suck? Probably. 

When the first movie opened, I was at a bar with my ex-wife. And at every table were no less than four women dressed to kill and knocking down cosmopolitans as if they were going to be outlawed at midnight.

I watched as one by one, salivating men approached their tables and were spit out like a meatless bone from a pack of hyenas feeding on a buffalo carcass. It was one of the more entertaining evenings I've ever had.

Some call these Sex and the City characters "whores" for their promiscuity, and I don't think that's fair. They're modern-day women in control of their own sexuality and making no apologies for it. After all, if it were a group of men strolling around, bedding women and bragging about their conquests, we wouldn't call them whores, right? (We'd call them "pigs".)

The second installment is set in Abu Dhabi, of course, known for its outrageous party atmosphere and sexual liberty. It's actually one of the more progressive places in the middle east, only suggesting you wear ankle length skirts, rather than stoning you for not doing so. It's going to be exactly like a party in your pants.

In all seriousness, Abu Dhabi?

Dear Hollywood,

Desert comedies are typically horrible (Raising Arizona being a shining exception to the rule), even if you take loose women and stick them in "don't show your ankle-ville".  There's just something about the desert that's not funny, no matter what's happening in it.

Sex-and-the-city-2-desert

The desert is where epic battles take place, where ridiculous archaeological finds happen, where magic mummies make sandstorms and where Luke Skywalker saves Han Solo, not where the shoe-crew helps what's her face find Mr. Right or where the other what's her face bones every good looking guy on a camel (or the camel), all while making jokes about their boobs. Don't get me wrong, I love when girls have sex with guys on camels and boob jokes, just not in the desert. I don't know why, it's just a bad idea. I know because I have a lot of them. I can sense them like a Jedi.

Name the most famous comedy that was set in the desert. Ummmm... Ishtar. The worst movie ever. Name another one. See?

I think it's pretty bold to think your comedy can somehow overcome this very resolute rule. And what are some critics saying? Uh huh. The desert strikes again.

"an epic eye sore"

"a sad, puffy mess"

"poorly acted"

"A self-indulgent whimper"

"A stupid movie that's virtually offensive to everyone"

Man, I think Ishtar actually had better reviews. Save your money, ladies. Still dress up, still order cosmos, just stay at the bar. At least you'll have a chance of your evening not ending in disappointment.


Source


MayoPie thinks he's humorous, but we all know better.







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Comments

Palinode

I keep on reading 'cosmos' wrong. It's making your post even more entertaining than it already is.

Apryl's Antics

"Spies Like Us" makes me want to shake sand out of my underpants.

Karen

I wish I could get back the couple hours I once spent watching a few episodes of SATC. I felt like my IQ dropped about fifty points or more during the first fifteen minutes of watching.

That shot of the actresses in the desert cracks me up, though. Seriously? Those outfits are horrible. And I'm not a fashionista by any means, they just look so awful even I can tell they're bad.

TwoBusy

Given the choice between seeing this movie or swallowing my own tongue, I'd probably OCHGGGGGGHGHGHGHGHGHG

*swallows own tongue*

*dies*

Muirnait

I'll happily join in on the Cosmo-drinking, but couldn't care less about the movie :P

Sweetney

Cosmos for everyone!!!!

PS: The first movie made me want to gouge my own eyes out with a spork, and there's little to know chance I will torture myself with this second installment. I cherish what remains of my sanity.

Jen O.

I refused to watch the first one. I refuse to watch this one. Where do I hand in my Chick Card? It's just not worth the trouble.

DianaCLT

I've never seen a single episode, and I say that with great pride. These women make me stabby. At its television peak, I would get unsolicited opinions that I was "a Miranda"...whatever the bloody hell that means.

I love Cosmos and I love shoes...along with lots of far more meaningful things...but I feel like I can't enjoy them fully, knowing that these characters exist on the big and small screens. They've stolen some of my enjoyment for the little things, with their superficial crap.

*Venting complete*

cindy w

I liked the TV series and I thought the first movie was ok. Mildly entertaining, but pretty "meh" overall. (And I did NOT get all dressed up and get loaded on cosmos beforehand. I met up with 2 other mom friends and we went to a Sunday matinee, because that's when our husbands could watch our kids.)

This movie, though, I just have no desire to see it. It feels like a ploy for money from the movie studios. Didn't we wrap up everybody's "happily ever after" already? Actually, didn't we wrap it up twice already (once in the TV show, and again in the first movie)? I might possibly watch it when it comes on HBO someday. If there's nothing else on that day. But I have over 400 channels, so I'd say the odds of that are pretty slim.

diamondcait

Never saw the show, never saw the movie, and I am horrified by the commercial where SJP is shocked to find shoes that cost only $20, and exclaims, "Shoes for everyone!" Has this woman never heard of clearance? Or eBay? Or the recession?
On the other hand, I never turn down a good vodka-based drink, or any vodka-based drink, for that matter. I'll probably stay home and rewatch Dexter or It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and get schnockered with friends on the cheap-cheap.

MayoPie

I watched a couple of seasons with my ex. It was okay, but I put my foot down on the movie. Samantha annoys me. Not so much because she's a nymphomaniac. I like that part. It's something else. I can't put my finger on it. Nor would I.

mouthy_broad

i very much loved the show. i enjoyed the movie (felt like 5 episodes of the show, tho, and not a movie-if that makes any sense). i thought it was all pretty much wrapped up in a bow after all that. three of them are married now. unless they marry off samantha, i guess someone has to cheat to make this interesting. and quite frankly i am not interesting in watching carrie sleep with aiden. NO. TERRIBLE. (i presume that is what happens anyway)

so, i am with everyone else in my lack of enthusiasm for this movie. i also never did any of that knocking back cosmos business either.

Cara dB

Priscilla, Queen of the Desert was another good desert comedy.

But otherwise, I'm with you 100%. That movie looks SO offensive.

Catharina

Soooo...I kind of already saw the movie at a pre-premiere with a bunch of girlfriends (without getting dressed up for it and drinking cosmos...until afterwards). And man, the whole Abu Dhabi thing? All I kept thinking was "WHY??" It was offensive and dumb and so unnecessary. Plus, why is it called Sex and the City if they're barely even in the city?? Seriously, my expectations were not high, but I can't believe they couldn't come up with anything better.




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