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"Sloppy Stars" Column Makes Sarah Even More Paranoid

eli-roth-spilled-shirt I am just going to say it. I love celebrity gossip. I don't know when or how this happened, but I do. I read a ton of gossip sites and most of the time I read things and then go on with my life, but every once in a while something strikes me as unfair - like Mariska Hargitay being labeled plus sized or a religion is founded based on the Twilight Saga.

Today I am all out of sorts because I saw a feature on "Sloppy Stars".

Seriously, this site ran an entire spread on celebrities that had something on their clothes. In some cases I think it was just water.

tony-romo-jaunty-hat-spill

Or drool.

david-hasslehoff-drool

The thing is that this doesn't seem newsworthy. Even as much as I enjoy picking on famous people, especially people that seem to be celebrities for no reason, this actually makes me feel a little bit sorry for Paris Hilton.

Picture 22

Until this morning I would have said that wasn't possible.

The thing is that I have been telling myself and my kids for years that nobody would notice that tiny little stain on your pants.

Now I know for a fact that I was wrong.

ashley-greene-spill-skirt

If I were famous I would be afraid to leave my house. I spill on myself pretty much every day, and the days I don't one of my kids wipes their nose on my shirt. I get that it is a slow news day, but WOW, this is why celebrities complain about not having any privacy.

Dear Celebrities,

On behalf of all my fellow gossip writers I would like to apologize for this kind of thing. We're really not bad people. We're just trying to make a living. If you want us to stop doing features like this one of you is going to have to step forward and do something really batshit crazy. I know that it has been hard on the rest of you to keep up with the freak show with Michael Jackson's passing. Kiefer Sutherland cannot do this all by himself (although God knows he is trying). Maybe you can get Mike Tyson to take one for the team - again.

Love,

Sarah

[source]

[photos: Pacific Coast News Online.com]

. . . . .

Goon Squad Sarah is going to go change her clothes. Again.







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Comments

Washington "Pointing To Jelly Stain on Tee" Cube

A new trend! Spotting spots on clothes. What's next? Celebrity dental charts?

If this continues, I see addendums being added to non-disclosure documents so that Dean McDermott's maid won't be turning over the skid marks in his underwear to TMZ. It could also lead to a new trend of B-List stars that WANT their stains shown for the publicity. WHAT? My beer drool isn't newsworthy?

Kate

"I know that it has been hard on the rest of you to keep up with the freak show with Michael Jackson's passing. Kiefer Sutherland cannot do this all by himself (although God knows he is trying)."

Don't forget about Scott Baio.

Laurie

Three things concern me about this.

One, that I had seen that feature before I read this but I couldn't remember where (although it was only this morning) so it was like it had been with me all along. Unsettling.

Two, the first photo in the original feature of the guy with the fruit juice all over him made me unspeakably sad, which confirms every single issue I possess.

Three, "Sloppy stars." Wrong. Every single wrong thing.

Apryl's Antics

Based on previous photos of Paris Hilton, I am more than a little disturbed by that stain. Ew.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah


*snort*

Sent from my iPhone. 




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