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Vincenzo Natali's Splice Brings Dren To The World

Splice-poster World?  Meet Dren.  Dren?  Meet the World.  Now, watch out World.  Dren will eat your face.  Or something.  Something scary and super creepy involving squirrelly noises and weird eyes and a spikey, unpredictable tail.

What was that?  A mistake.

Splice is written and directed by Vincenzo Natali, who brought us Cube and Cypher (I didn't see either of those, but I think it would amp up my credibility if I had, so let's pretend, shall we?), and stars Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley, looking very, very serious and scientist-y.  They do bad things that they were told not to do and Dren is born. 

Dren (which is literally just "nerd" backwards, which kind of makes me give *squintyeyes* to the movie already) is a genetic organism "spliced" (get it?) from animal and human DNA who starts growing up like a human girl on speed.  But with all the strobe effects and loud, bangy noises, I'm going to guess that their experiment didn't go exactly as planned. 

Which is sort of where I have my first question.  If you were going to splice animal and human DNA to create a hybrid sort of creature, wouldn't you use a nice, cuddly puppy dog?  At least on the first try until you perfect splicing DNA?  Start with something that won't eat your face.  Like a shih tzu or a maltese or something?  Or maybe a guinea pig?  Guinea pigs are fairly benign creatures, and are certainly used to being the butt-end of experiments.  But whatever animal this scientist-y couple used has a spike for a tail.  A lethal weapon attached to the end of whip.  Not smart.  See also: the ability to climb walls, a snake tongue, and a thirst for blood.  I made that last one up, but it was totally implied.  Plus, it's completely hideous.  Look:

Splice-handfeeding


A guinea-person would have been much easier on the eyes.

Then it appears that Sarah's character becomes like Dren's mommy.  Which, aw...cute, right?  MORE STROBE EFFECTS AND LOUD, BANGY NOISES.  Strobe effect and loud, bandy noises are Hollywood's way of saying "aw, shit."  So, probably not so much with the cute and more with the homicidal lizard/monkey/whatever has a spike for a tail/human trying to eat peoples faces.

And I'm not sure how the movie ends because the stupid trailer is just a "teaser" and is making me pay money to rent the movie or see it in the theater (pfft...), so that's where we end it.

STROBE EFFECTS AND LOUD, BANGY NOISES.

All I know is Splice kind of looks like it'll be awesome in the way that I can't help looking at roadkill as I swerve around it to avoid getting ick on my tires.  At first I'll see Nerd, I mean Dren, and I'll be all "Ugh...who put that on my screen?"  Then I'll keep staring and think "I don't like it.  Kill it with fire."  And then I might start to enjoy it a little bit because it looks like one of those movies I'm supposed to like.  And then I'll get it in my head that I've just witnessed the greatest movie of 2010, until I jump on Twitter to gush about it only to get scoffed at and told that it was stupid and I wasn't supposed to like it at all.  And all of this depends on whether or not I stayed awake to see it to the end and that never happens. 

So please tell me.  Am I supposed to like this or not?
 

[source]


. . . . .
Jen O. lost the ability to think for herself when she had kids.






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Comments

Katie

Yes! Sarah Polley and Adrien Brody are two of my favorites; they lend credibility. The trailer makes it look scary, but not "Saw" scary. I'll probably rent it, but I'd see it in the theater if someone would pay my way. :)

Sarah Lena

I won't see this one cause .. alright, I'm the freak who ALWAYS feels bad for the creature because, you know?, it's not THEIR fault that someone choose to screw with nature. So I'll cry and sob for days when they finally do kill it with fire. Dude, District 9 almost had me involuntarily committed.

Christine

Geek factoid: "dren" is the word they used for "shit" on Farscape.

Watch Splice

I watched the film "Splice". This reminds me of the Species series! With Adrien Brody starring on this film, this could be a sleeper hit...




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